Episode 23
Why chasing work life balance is a bad idea (and what you can do instead) with Claire Elmes
"Why chasing work life balance is a bad idea and what you can do instead". Claire and I discuss this tricky topic and aim to provide ways for you to find more harmony.
- Defining work-life balance is hard. It can mean making time for work and non-work activities you enjoy in a way that works for you. It's an individual thing.
- We have cognitive biases like status quo bias where we continue doing things as we have done. Becoming aware of this is the first step to changing unhelpful patterns.
- "Balance" suggests 50/50 which may not be realistic or even desirable for some. Think beyond hours to where your attention and energy goes. Integrate life as a whole.
- Over-identifying with a work identity can harm work-life wellbeing and balance. Bring more awareness to your whole self.
- Environment design is powerful. What visual cues trigger certain habits around work and personal life? Set up spaces thoughtfully.
- Manage your attention actively. Multitasking often backfires for presence, focus and productivity. Practice being fully present.
- Reflect on what really matters through questions. What life choices serve my values? Make decisions deliberately.
- Start from within yourself - care for your physiology, emotions and mind. This builds a base for choices.
- There's no quick fix, but small consistent lifestyle choices compound over months and years.
- Choose one thing you'll do differently after listening to start applying this to your life. Then build from there.
Contact Claire here
Get in touch with Sal
If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you.
Transcript
Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement, a systemic approach to human
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:behavior, performance, and well being.
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:Our psychological, emotional, and
physical health are all connected,
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:and my guests and I endeavor to share
knowledge, strategies, and tools for
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:you to enrich your life and work.
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:Today we are considering why
chasing work life balance is a bad
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:idea and what you can do instead.
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:I'm joined by Claire Elms, my guest, and
she is the owner of Inspire You Wellbeing.
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:That's a global award winning therapy
training and coaching world business.
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:Today, we are considering why
chasing work life balance is a bad
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:idea and what you can do instead.
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:I'm joined by my guest, Claire
Elms, and Claire is the founder
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:of Inspire You Wellbeing.
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:It's a global award winning therapy,
training and coaching wellness business.
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:And Claire's a really
great guest to have on.
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:She works with stress, performance,
lifestyle, executive coaching, the whole
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:host of things that are really going
to be important to work life balance.
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:And Claire knows full well just how
important this is, having experience.
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:Burnout in 2015.
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:So she's on a campaign to help people
now, as I too am on a campaign to help
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:people understand things through this
podcast about how we can integrate
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:our mind, our emotions and our body
to make changes on a practical level.
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:Now, when considering work life balance in
this episode, we go into some key things.
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:What do we mean by work life balance
and help you understand that?
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:What are some of the factors that
are going to get in your way?
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:Some of the cognitive biases, some
of the personality styles, some of
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:the behaviors that may be going on
for you, which you just hadn't seen.
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:And we're going to pull those out
and hopefully help you understand
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:it in a much clearer context.
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:how to use attention, what's happening
with your environment, things such as
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:your smartphone, all of these things
that contribute to whether work life
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:balance is going for you or against you.
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:And we kind of pull it all together with
some really salient strong points of
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:actions you can take to start finding
your own way into work life balance.
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:So welcome, Claire.
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:Hi.
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:Claire Elms: thanks for having me.
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:Sal Jefferies: I'd love to start with
what does work life balance mean to you?
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:Claire Elms: I think it's one
of those concepts, isn't it?
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:That's really hard to talk
about and really hard to define.
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:But for me, work life balance
is about making sure I have time
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:to do my work, but time to do.
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:The things that I enjoy in life as well.
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:So spending time with family and
friends, doing things for myself
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:and as well as integrating work
within that and how it works for me.
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:So for me, work isn't a nine to five.
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:so it's how I make my working
day work for me in a way that
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:gives me time to have life as
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:Sal Jefferies: Really nice.
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:Yeah.
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:I guess maybe I should bounce
the question back to myself.
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:Work life balance.
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:Yeah.
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:What work life balance?
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:Claire Elms: Yeah, absolutely.
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:Sal Jefferies: I see it
slightly differently.
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:I don't actually see it as work life
balance with a distinction as such.
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:I see it all as life.
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:So if I, I, I see things in a slightly
different perspective, it's just how
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:I see the world, but I see things
as life, this totality of life that
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:I have the gift of being given.
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:And within that, some of my
energy and my time goes to.
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:and there's different nuances of
my work as well from podcasting to
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:coaching to, the running the business
and they're, they have different
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:qualities, but there's that aspect.
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:And then there's other
elements in my life.
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:As you've alluded to, this personal.
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:For me it's fitness is health,
activities, all these kinds of things.
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:And I find it more as a whole system
that I try to get the right measure of.
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:But of course, this is what we
want to share today is about.
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:Understanding this, I think from
not just my perspective and Pat's
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:Claire's perspective, but really help
you find what your perspective is.
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:So we, we're clear on it.
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:I have clients in my coaching practice and
they come to me and they're super busy.
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:They, they're either directors or run a
business or freelance, and they work hard.
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:They put a lot of hours in there,
they're, they're grafting and that's fine.
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:That's okay.
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:If that's your thing.
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:But if there's no time and energy left
for health, for fitness, for family,
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:then it, of course, can skew into the
other side of, of course, unbalance
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:or being pushed into overworking,
and too much attention there.
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:When and where did you start
working in your domain, Claire,
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:with Work Life Balance with
the clients that you work with?
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:Perhaps you can share a
little more about that story.
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:So we understand your, your,
your, your journey in this.
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:Claire Elms: Yeah, sure.
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:So I've come from, a
therapeutic background.
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:So I started.
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:Practicing with clients as a
therapist in:
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:like a long time ago now.
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:but, yeah, and I was working in the NHS
and I was working, in the county council,
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:doing stuff with the council with children
and families predominantly at the time.
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:and then I was looking for how to
get what I wanted because I couldn't
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:see a job that suited what I wanted.
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:So I ended up.
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:setting up self employed, a friend,
a life coach, actually, she, she
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:was quite inspirational to me.
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:She said, if you can't find the
job you want, why not create it?
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:And it was enough to plant a seed for me.
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:So I started going, okay, let's do that.
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:And so I added, started the
business in:
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:slowly, slowly added days and.
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:Reduced time in, employment and I think
for me, a lot of clients come to me
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:around feeling stressed, overworked,
burnt out, and, I've seen the back end,
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:I guess I've seen like where people
get to when they get to the point of
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:no return, if you like, I've also, hit
it myself a little bit in:
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:working 60 hours a week, I thought it
was invincible, and then I really wasn't,
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:and, had I not got married and had three
weeks off on honeymoon, I would have,
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:definitely been in a very dark place,
but, as it was, I had enough time to
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:step back and reflect, and go, actually,
I don't want to do this anymore, and
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:I think it's really interesting, I
see so many similar patterns, and so
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:subsequently, since 2015, I've been
much more, focusing on the preventative
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:rather than working with severe and
enduring, which was what I was doing.
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:So I was working with really quiet and
stuff in, in the NHS and, yeah, and so
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:pivoted more into coaching at that point
and started focusing more on how to stop
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:people getting to that point in the first
place and using my experience as a bit
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:of a, as, as a guide really, because
I would never have gone to get help.
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:I didn't see I had a problem.
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:Like I just didn't recognize
that that was a thing.
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:and I think since COVID, there's been a
massive shift for people, I think people
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:have started to really recognize, that
actually they don't want to do certain
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:things the way that they've been doing
them, and I think we we all carry on
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:doing what we're doing because that's
what we've always done, and actually,
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:at some point, we can't carry on, so I
think it's really important to, focus on
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:this kind of elusive work life balance.
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:thing because it's a concept and
it's made up and it doesn't and
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:it's different for everybody.
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:but actually it's a thing and if we get
it working in a, in a way that works for
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:us personally and, and how my work life
balance will, it will be different to how
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:your work life balance looks, which will
be different to how someone else's looks.
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:And, like the word balance is,
is always, like we've both talked
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:about integration, haven't we?
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:And whether There is a balance at all
or whether you feel like you have to
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:balance something because when you're
balancing you feel like you're juggling
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:something and then it feels like it's
always going to be out of kilter.
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:So it's quite interesting.
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:the more I delve into working with
people on a preventative level
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:and we start to look at like your
week looks like and where your
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:energy is placed and how you focus.
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:it's just a really interesting way
of working now and I really enjoy
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:helping people to, make it work
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:Sal Jefferies: Nice, really nice.
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:I just want to speak to a couple
of things that you said that
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:really caught my attention.
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:The first one is, is we, we do what we do.
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:We just carry on as we are.
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:And this is such a, such
a slippery customer.
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:you probably know, but, if, if,
if we're listening and you're
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:not sure, we all have cognitive
biases, which are thinking biases.
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:We think in certain ways and
we're predisposed to certain ones.
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:A really big one is status quo bias.
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:Now it's, yeah, it's status quo and
I don't mean the, the rock group.
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:If anyone remembers them.
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:. But status quo as in staying the same.
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:Now we are, our mind
is a bit like our body.
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:It's seeking homeostasis.
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:We like to remain the same.
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:And there's, there's lots of
science around this about how
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:the brain works and so forth.
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:From a practical point of view,
knowing that we have status quo bias
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:is that we will always lean into
what we know and what we've done.
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:The problem with that can be if what
we've been doing and what we've always
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:done is overworking, under prioritizing
family or under prioritizing fitness
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:and health, then it will continue.
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:And it's not because anyone's
doing anything wrong, it's probably
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:because we're simply not conscious
of these patterns playing.
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:And the first thing around status quo
bias is, is to simply name it and see it.
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:But see if you're like, okay, I've
always, I don't know, work a 12 hour
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:day, don't bother eating properly,
don't work out, then It's naming that
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:and okay, how is this going to work
in looking around you for some other
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:people and getting examples of that.
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:So knowing that we are predisposed
to it is the first point of changing
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:it and that that really intrigues me.
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:Now, you also mentioned about balance
and I'm always fascinated with
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:linguistics and balance to me would
seem 50 50 or 50 50 be perfect, right?
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:And.
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:I don't know if we, if we got this
idea in our mind about, we have to have
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:balance, then implicit in that, if your
work week is 60 hours and your home life
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:is less, you're already out of balance,
just from an hour's point of view, you're
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:already out of balance, so you're already
losing, which is a negative, and I, I
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:struggle with the word balance, if it's
misunderstood, certainly in my mind,
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:and for people I work with, we actually
probably need to understand it better.
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:And it's not an either or situation.
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:I like, I'm only working.
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:I'm only at home because sometimes
when you go to work, you're,
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:you'll bring your nervous system.
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:You'll bring your backstory.
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:You'll bring your biases, who you are.
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:You can't not, right?
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:And same as when you go home, you
might, certainly for those of us who
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:run businesses, do our own thing, We
often have insights whilst walking
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:the dog, in the shower, and it's not
wrong, but it's understanding this
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:and starting to see it for what it is.
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:And the last thing I really want to speak
to you about what you said, and we want
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:to, I'd like to go deeper, is energy.
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:Now, I work with energy a lot, from a
quantum physics description to a body
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:energy description, whatever term it
is, but this is, our entire body has an
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:electron, every cell has an electrical
signal and the nervous system runs
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:electrics, we all have energy, and I
think it's something more interesting to
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:talk to, and I want to get your thoughts
on this, Graham, that would be awesome.
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:Instead of balance, like
where is your energy?
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:how much energy does work take?
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:Because some people's work doesn't
take a lot because it's flow state.
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:Some people's home life can be
challenging and that can take a lot more.
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:Perhaps if you've got young children
or something like that, it's demanding.
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:Claire, how are you working
with, with this energy, perhaps
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:principle around the clients you're
working with, with work life?
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:Claire Elms: I think similar to you.
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:I think it's really interesting.
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:I was talking to someone the
other day actually in, in the
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:NHS, it's very segregated.
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:So you have your mental health teams,
physical health teams, you have your
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:different teams for different conditions.
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:And so if you have a
condition that needs support.
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:You'll go to so and so for this, and
so and so for that, and this team for
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:that, and this team for that, and it's,
it's very segregated, and what I have
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:loved about fully leaning into my own
business is that I bring the energy, I
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:bring the physical and the mental and
everything else together, because for
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:me, you cannot operate on one without the
other, you need to have an understanding
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:of Tiredness levels, you need to have an
understanding of where your focus goes.
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:there's that whole, my, one of my
favorite sayings is like, focus,
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:focus goes where energy flows.
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:So if your focus is in the right
place, then your energy goes in the
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:right place and it becomes like a
flow state and it becomes, there's all
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:the science behind it, isn't there?
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:And, and it's, it's really
interesting and I think.
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:When the more I kind of work with physical
practitioners and the more I work, doing
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:more integrated practice myself, I've,
I trained as a breathwork facilitator
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:last year and that for me really, really
opened my eyes to, breathing in a basic
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:term, understanding that when we're
not breathing properly, that actually
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:impacts on absolutely everything, like
our mental and our physical state.
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:And.
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:the more I'm working with different
practitioners, I'm really leaning
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:into, understanding my own body.
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:I have hypermobility, and so my
body doesn't do what it should do.
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:so really understanding, I've
just accepted that for years.
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:And then I've worked, I found
a practitioner who's gone from,
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:yeah, you can change that.
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:And I'm like, oh, I've just
accepted that for so long.
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:So it's really interesting.
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:the more you lean into different
things and become aware of things
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:yourself, Just the kind of energy
really interests me, and, and it can
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:be seen as a bit woo woo, I think,
and, and I never quite fully understood
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:it when I worked in organisations.
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:It's only been probably the last five
years I've really leaned into it.
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:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, I agree.
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:I know some people still struggle with
the term energy, perhaps don't understand
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:it, but let's just clear this up now.
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:It's neuroscience, right?
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:We got data on this all over the place.
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:This is neuroscience.
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:This is neuropsychobiology.
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:This is the electrome understanding
about how the body works.
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:This is quantum mechanics.
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:Yeah, there's all sorts of
heavyweight sciences, which
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:now we understand this stuff.
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:And to put it simply, metabolism
is energy exchange, right?
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:So if you eat a bowl of porridge and
some nuts in the morning, That is trans,
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:transduced into energy in your body.
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:It's broken down to different things.
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:And if you didn't eat any food
at all, you'd be knackered.
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:You'd be tired.
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:Now, so we know this.
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:So we want to just disband with any
of this idea that energy is woo woo.
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:It, this, this, this is exactly
where we need to work out.
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:The problem I have, and, I'm a big fan
of Oliver Berkman, 4, 000 Weeks, if I
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:should put a link in the show, brilliant.
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:And cause he's a time management guy
and he's written some amazing book and.
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:Where we think about time, we might
look at our working day and go, I've
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:got eight hours, and we go, I go home,
we've got four hours with family, or
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:I've got, for me, it's like hours in the
gym or something like that, but hours
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:don't translate very well to energy,
because if, for instance, so my work
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:is, is, I'm not interested in hours,
I'm interested in energy time, and I,
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:there's a time boundary, of course,
I know The the shape of it, but how
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:much energy do I need for a podcast?
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:How much energy do I need to
do coaching work to really
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:help people get what they want?
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:That's less about the amount
of hours I need to do.
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:It's more about the amount of
energy I need to bring to him.
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:And the same with home life.
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:if you go home and you are at home, quote.
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:but your mind is still at your desk or
your mind is still with your client.
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:You're not there, right?
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:So your balance is not there.
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:I wanted to again, just to speak
to something you said there, for my
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:regular listeners, people know that
my approach of mindset, mood, and
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:movement, this ecosystem approach of.
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:Wellbeing and personal
development is, is how I work.
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:And you can't not be yourself.
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:Even if you're in a professional role.
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:You have your body, the
architecture, you have your nervous
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:system, your digestive system.
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:It is all there.
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:And if your breath patterns are all
over the place, as you've alluded to, if
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:your emotions are dysregulated, 'cause
that's connected to breath and sometimes
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:to trauma, then it's very, very hard to
achieve one's elusive work-life balance.
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:If our physical.
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:and our emotional system is out
of balance or out of cohesion.
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:So that's a really important thing.
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:And I want to go a little more
focused onto this as the individual.
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:When we're thinking about energy
as an individual and we're looking
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:to, to, to get balance, how are
you helping some of the people you
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:work with actually achieve that?
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:What, what are those practical steps that
you're finding are now working to, to
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:get a better, a better way, let's say.
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:Claire Elms: there's, there's some
amazing things out there, isn't there?
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:And it's really hard to answer that
question because obviously it's different
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:for the, for the individual, right?
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:But, One of the things I love doing with
people is bringing that self awareness
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:piece in, so Understanding yourself
and how you operate is so pivotal.
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:Like how you make decisions.
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:You talked about the
status quo bias, right?
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:How you, how you think.
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:Everything starts with the thought.
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:I educate people on the thought,
feeling, behavior loop and how, when
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:we have, like quite often people
come to me because they're stressed
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:or they're anxious or whatever.
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:There's a, there's a, there's a thing.
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:They're not sleeping.
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:There's, they're feeling a bit, Slap
or whatever it is, we can then work
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:out, okay, where's that coming from?
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:And this, this is in business
and in personal, right?
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:Because you can't separate the two.
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:So if you are a business owner
and you're working ridiculous
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:hours, you're making decisions
every day based on your thoughts.
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:So if your thoughts are skewed in
whatever capacity, then you're not
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:able to make those good decisions.
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:I talk a lot around that loop initially,
and also around, understanding your
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:energy levels and how your body
works and, and that side of things.
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:But you've also got like your
personality, like your sort of the
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:way that your personality works
and how, like my personality is
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:generally quite a fast paced person.
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:So for me to step back and be slower,
that takes effort, that takes energy.
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:whereas for someone that you sound
like you're much more of a slower
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:person, so you don't need me to like,
I, I find sometimes I have to, adapt
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:my energy levels to certain people.
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:Like I, I know I'm a fast paced
person if I'm talking with
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:someone that's not a fast paced.
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:If I'm talking with someone that's
a fast paced person, we'll go
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:off on all sorts of tangents and
have a brilliant conversation.
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:If I'm talking with a slower paced person,
I have to really think and pull myself in.
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:And notice the pathways that are
coming up in my head and going,
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:Oh, do I want to do that pathway?
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:Do I want to do that pathway?
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:And be much more reflective.
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:And that's something that
I've been working on a lot
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:more recently because I know.
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:the feedback from, from various
things is like, just slow down a bit.
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:And I'm like, I know,
I know I can't help it.
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:I get, I get excited and I get
like passionate about things.
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:And so I go off on tangents.
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:I'm already doing that now.
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:but for me, one of the things I really
doing is, is really picking that
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:personal part almost, you're going, Okay.
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:So this is, this is you as
a person, as a personality.
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:But that doesn't shape who you are fully,
so then you've got your values that
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:you bring, so what's important to you,
so for me, health, health is one of my
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:main values, so being healthy, I would
prioritise going and doing something
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:for myself over other things, because
for me that's really important, if I'm,
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:if I'm going and doing work before I
even start working, I will make sure
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:I have time to, go to the gym, or go
and do, I don't do the gym much anymore
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:to be fair, it's like more of fittest
bootcamps and runs and stuff like that
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:but, or do yoga or something like that.
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:I find that I need to do something.
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:Like, when I look up my energy I need
to do something before I start work.
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:I drop the kids off,
it's all a bit hectic.
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:My kids are young, they're full on.
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:mornings can be quite
stressful and hectic.
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:I need time in between that and
starting work to fully get into work
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:and into my flow state and if I'm not...
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:If I, if I bounce straight to
a nine o'clock meeting, I'm not
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:fully present because I haven't
had the time to decompress.
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:And, we talk about mental loads a lot.
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:I work a lot with busy mums.
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:Busy mums that have about 20 different
things they're doing at the same time.
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:and it's really interesting, isn't it?
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:The culture side of things.
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:Like when we...
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:yeah, 20 years ago, moms didn't
necessarily go to work as such.
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:It was much more like moms
did the household stuff.
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:And then the, the, the dad went
to work and the money, blah,
382
:blah, blah, very stereotypical.
383
:but now as women, we're like, yes,
we're going to go and do those things.
384
:Brilliant.
385
:gives us passion, purpose, excitement,
all of that really positive stuff.
386
:But then also you're still having to do
a lot of the mental load at home as well.
387
:And then you're also having to do like
life admin and Quite often people then
388
:don't look after themselves and I think,
the thing that we were talking about
389
:before was in itself was about a kind
of importance of well being and looking
390
:after ourselves, being aware of ourselves
and where we're at and where we want
391
:to spend more of our time focusing, and
then, and then leaning into that and,
392
:and creating clear actions on how we're
going to get there, because if we know
393
:that maybe we're not eating right because
we're grabbing food on the go or we're
394
:not sleeping enough because we're going
to bed at midnight and, Waking up at three
395
:o'clock in the morning, working and stuff.
396
:There's, there's things
that we can do to change it.
397
:We don't have to just
settle for the status quo.
398
:And I think that's really important.
399
:because quite often we just
do what we've always done.
400
:so it's just, and it's, and
it's our bodies and our minds
401
:way of, of functioning, right?
402
:We don't think about getting
dressed in the morning.
403
:We probably put the same
clothes on in the same order
404
:because it's our brain's way of.
405
:Not thinking as much and, and doing
things on autopilot and we have
406
:certain things that we do on autopilot,
but we can change those things.
407
:Those habits are not the
way that it has to be.
408
:And I think that's, that's to
me is like how to help people
409
:really don't lean into themselves.
410
:and ultimately that improves
performance, productivity.
411
:It improves absolutely everything,
412
:Sal Jefferies: Totally agree.
413
:Totally agree.
414
:And it's something I see with the people I
coach and work with in various capacities.
415
:the one of the first questions if
I'm working with someone who wants
416
:to overcome an anxiety pattern, a
block, most people don't come to
417
:coach him because it's all going well.
418
:This is normally something that's
either got blocked or stuck or they
419
:can't figure out a transition or
there's some deep self work to do.
420
:And one of the first questions
I need to know is like, how
421
:is this person physically?
422
:Because if you are not sleeping, That
fundamentally changes everything from
423
:your biochemistry to your psychology.
424
:If someone is not getting outdoors
quite early in the morning, I know
425
:that the light's not coming in that
person's retina, switching on their,
426
:their, which is the only part of the
brain that's external in the eye.
427
:that doesn't switch on then the
cortisol pulse, which everything is
428
:about circadian rhythms in our body.
429
:Circadian rhythms, if they are out
of whack, Everything's out of whack.
430
:One of the simplest fixes is to be
outdoors within ideally 30 minutes,
431
:but an hour as soon as you wake up.
432
:Light in your eyes, not looking at
the sun, but light in your eyes.
433
:So we've got the most basic, wrong
word, fundamental human requirements.
434
:We've got sleep, we have awake, we
have the circadian rhythms running,
435
:all the biochemistry is running.
436
:And now we can go do a good day.
437
:For me.
438
:My day is always blocked out, right?
439
:No one's available.
440
:I'm not available to a certain time.
441
:Like my first thing in
the morning is exercise.
442
:I run, I swim, I gym, I
train, I do loads of stuff.
443
:And for wholerseries, firstly,
I prefer it in the morning.
444
:I can't, I can't do it after work.
445
:It just doesn't work.
446
:But also it's about, it works for me.
447
:So it's about someone else.
448
:It might look like that.
449
:That pattern is afterward.
450
:That's okay.
451
:But if you get the
fundamentals in place, sleep.
452
:Nutrition, Daylight, and the
right amount of good, decent food.
453
:Then you're already building the
base, which, which intrigues me.
454
:Now you've mentioned something
here and that really caught my
455
:attention about personality.
456
:Now, I know, I was working with someone
a little while back and he was, super
457
:successful, very, very busy, and he was
so identified with his role at work.
458
:And it was it was everything
that's so consuming as it
459
:can be as a business owner.
460
:This over identification was part
of the problem because, if you're on
461
:the hedonic treadmill, that's this
idea that we're, we'll be happy when.
462
:And if you're north of, I don't
know, 35 and you still think, I'll be
463
:happy when something's not working.
464
:It's just not working because if
you can't be happy now, you're
465
:not gonna be happy in 10 years.
466
:A few more quid in the bank
is not going to change it.
467
:So this is really just about what
you said about personality and I
468
:call it identity, similar stuff.
469
:Over identification,
470
:absolutely, over identification with,
with, let's say your business identity.
471
:IC is part of the problem because
then it becomes there's no space for,
472
:Claire or Sal to be the person, a
partner or friend or whatever that is.
473
:that's one of the kind of red flags
I'm going to call out to people.
474
:if you're over identified with work, and
you're chasing work life balance, this
475
:is part of where we need to do some work.
476
:This over identification,
because there's too much there.
477
:What are you seeing when you're
working with people and you touch
478
:on what I call identity, you call it
personality, how have you seen changes?
479
:Have you got any examples of
something that you've worked with?
480
:Claire Elms: Yeah.
481
:So I think for me, like I see
identity, as a full, as your, as
482
:your whole self almost, right?
483
:And then the personality, past
experiences, I work a lot with trauma.
484
:and when I say trauma, I'm not
talking about abuse and big things.
485
:I'm talking about, your mum's
saying no when you're seven.
486
:there there's, there's quite varying
levels, like big teacher traumas
487
:and that teach traumas, right?
488
:And they all have a massive impact.
489
:and positive experiences as well.
490
:I put a post out on LinkedIn this
week about, as 16 years ago I did a
491
:free fall to do accelerated skydive.
492
:And for me, that is one of
the best achievements that
493
:I've ever had in my life.
494
:I think it's, it's an
absolutely fantastic thing.
495
:And if anyone's thinking about
it, they should definitely do it.
496
:it's, it's, it relates so
much to the work that we do.
497
:you pressure yourself out of
your comfort zone, comfort zone.
498
:We talk about a lot, right?
499
:but you you strive in for that process
that, that I have an adrenaline buzz.
500
:I need, I need.
501
:It's a challenge.
502
:I need something to do, to, to fulfill.
503
:And I really resonate
with, Johnny Wilkinson.
504
:I don't know who knows Johnny Wilkinson.
505
:He's a professional rugby player.
506
:Showing my age, certain
people under a certain age.
507
:It's quite funny.
508
:I was talking in my team about him and
they didn't know who he was because
509
:they are of a certain generation.
510
:So I then started to feel quite old.
511
:But, Johnny Wilkinson,
has openly come out.
512
:And so has Tom Daley, quite a
few professional sports people.
513
:It happens a lot in their world.
514
:that kind of constant need to strive for
the, I'll be happy when I'll be happy
515
:when, and then he was talking about when
they won the world cup, like what next?
516
:that was what they were striving for.
517
:And rather than feeling
happy and content and.
518
:celebrating that, he just felt really
flat and, and, and unclear and he went
519
:into a bit of an identity crisis and I
think, I, I see that happen and play out
520
:in so many clients that I work with where
they're striving for something, striving
521
:for something, striving for something.
522
:Either it's unrealistic and
they're never going to get there.
523
:or they get to it and then
they're like, what now?
524
:And I think that's really, it really
resonates with me and that kind of really
525
:being present in the moment, we, we
do lots of stuff around goal setting.
526
:We do lots of stuff around looking
at the past and the barriers and
527
:how to overcome the barriers.
528
:But for me, like feeling pretty
content and happy in the is quite hard.
529
:To get it, because, because of culture
and society and this constant need
530
:to stride for something and, it's
about recognizing how far you've
531
:come and I think that's, that's a lot
of the stuff I do around identity.
532
:It's like how the personality,
the values, the experiences all
533
:make up that person and then how.
534
:That sort of helps you to make
decisions in your life and like how
535
:it, how it frames your thoughts.
536
:And I think when we start to look at the
sort of emotional intelligence, in a,
537
:in an overall arching kind of concept,
like trying to work out what is important
538
:to us from an emotional intelligence
perspective and how we can strive to
539
:improve that really helps people improve.
540
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, it's
really really nice to hear.
541
:Funny isn't it that we we don't see it.
542
:There's there's There's, there's
the old, what do they call it?
543
:A parable.
544
:I'm not really good at doing this very
well, so I'll make up my own version.
545
:But there's two fish, there are
two fish swimming along one day.
546
:And this older fish swings,
swings by and goes, Morning guys!
547
:The water's nice today.
548
:And off he goes.
549
:And the two young fish look at
each other and go, What's water?
550
:Because of course,
551
:they're so immersed in
water, they can't see it.
552
:They have no other reference
point and culture really pushes
553
:us for this work life balance.
554
:And yet it also has a, almost a
contradictory message like just
555
:drive harder, succeed more, get more
money, grow, scale, whatever it is.
556
:It's push, push, push, push, push.
557
:And.
558
:Daring I think lies part of our work
life problem because we assume it's
559
:a perhaps a future orientated thing
like if I just make enough money or my
560
:business grows to a certain level then
I'll have the work life balance but
561
:work life balance is actually a state
of mind on a day to day, week to week,
562
:month to month basis and here's a funny
thing that we can wrap our heads around.
563
:We already live in the future.
564
:That's a fact.
565
:We live in the future of
who you were five years ago.
566
:Claire Elms: yeah
567
:Sal Jefferies: it's really nice to go,
God, yeah, I remember being X, Y, Z, let's
568
:say 30 or 40, whatever we are like, Oh,
when I was 45, I was going to do this.
569
:And I like, yeah, you live in that future.
570
:So if you were doing it back then
the, I'll be happy when whatever that
571
:is, and you're not happy now because
you just need a few more money, a
572
:few more pounds in the bank, or a bit
more scale in your business, then.
573
:Your process of doing it needs looking
at, and then if we're striving for
574
:work life balance and wondering why
we don't have it, it comes down to
575
:perception and behavior connected,
which we've already said about finding
576
:about people, which is, which is lovely.
577
:Now, I want to call out one
of the red flags that really
578
:get in the way of work life.
579
:balance in a healthy way which is the
difference between how culture was
580
:probably 25 years ago if you were, a
working parent, whatever you are, doing
581
:your thing compared to now because
of and I'm waving a smartphone at
582
:Claire and on this smartphone is my
telephone, my contacts and pictures,
583
:and yet there's my email, whatsapp,
it's all the facility for me to be
584
:still connected to my work identity or
my work process and I think we haven't
585
:seen it but it's a little like leaving
all your home doors open and inviting
586
:your colleagues just to walk in and out
all day all night and it's very hard to
587
:beat because everyone has a smartphone.
588
:and everyone's got all
the connections on it.
589
:question being, when we come
home, whatever that is, or when
590
:we're not at work, how tempting
is it to pick up Don's smartphone?
591
:Very.
592
:Yeah.
593
:Claire Elms: This is really tough, right?
594
:This is one of the biggest things I'm
talking about with individuals and teams.
595
:I was doing some team coaching, not
that long ago and they disclosed
596
:there was 46 WhatsApp groups for
that particular organization.
597
:and I was like, wow,
598
:um, and I think, WhatsApp is brilliant.
599
:There was definitely a place for
smartphones is definitely, we had
600
:a conversation and then someone
unsubscribed from all the groups.
601
:And I was like, that's not, that's
not what I'm wanting, it's not about
602
:doing that, but, there's, I, I.
603
:and turned it back on and there was
150 messages and I was like, wow,
604
:yeah, four different WhatsApp groups,
pinging, pinging, pinging about various
605
:different things, not all work related.
606
:a lot of it is mum groups.
607
:Anyone with kids of a certain
age will understand the, the
608
:kind of WhatsApp parent groups,
can be a bit full on as well.
609
:but absolutely.
610
:We talk a lot about switching off, right?
611
:How do, how do we switch off?
612
:Yeah.
613
:Because if we don't switch, do
we have to switch on and off
614
:is another conversation, right?
615
:Do we have to switch on, now I'm
in work, off, now I'm off work.
616
:but, you've talked about in previous
podcasts, the, the link between
617
:the sympathetic nervous system and
the parasympathetic nervous system.
618
:If we are on all the time,
we're not in rest and recovery.
619
:We're not in that parasympathetic
nervous system at all.
620
:and we've got a fantastic device
that we use for people, which
621
:is brilliant, called FairSpeak.
622
:and it measures high
variability oxygen levels.
623
:It, it goes deep into
looking at your stress zones.
624
:And I love it because it's actually
a bit of a slap in the face of look,
625
:you're not as getting any recovery.
626
:you drink caffeine in the
afternoon, you're not sleeping,
627
:you sleep isn't good quality sleep.
628
:and it shows that, if I go for an event
in the afternoon and I'm drinking coffee,
629
:and for me, I've got tinnitus, so if I'm
at an event and there's lots of people,
630
:my body's working really hard, I love
it, it lights me up, it gives me energy,
631
:but my body's working really hard to,
to hear what people are saying, to be
632
:fully present in the room and all of
those things, that when I go to bed, if
633
:it's an afternoon event and I, I struggle
to go to bed, I have to do a breathwork
634
:session or a yoga session or something,
because otherwise I don't get into a rest
635
:and recovery until three in the morning.
636
:and, and I have this awareness, right?
637
:So I'm not going to not go to an afternoon
event because that's not real, right?
638
:But it's, it's understanding.
639
:I think for me, using some of the
technology now, it's really fantastic
640
:because it allows us to look at the
impact it has, and the impact that it has.
641
:You know, like I got, as a
business owner, I, I had all
642
:of my phone stuff on one phone.
643
:Last year, I got a new phone and
I was like, that's my work phone.
644
:all the time I've been employed, I've
had a work phone and a home phone.
645
:So that is now my work phone.
646
:This is my home phone and it's made such
a difference because I don't check emails.
647
:when I'm not working, I
don't, like I choose a time.
648
:So if I, if I'm, if I want to check
emails, like I don't work on a Monday,
649
:but I've had, some students working.
650
:So they've been working Monday.
651
:So I've had things available on
a Monday and it's been exhausting
652
:because I've not had that rest day.
653
:so when they finish, I've really
noticed a difference because I've
654
:actually had Mondays to switch
off, which I didn't have before.
655
:So just you can turn notifications
off on your phone, and that's what
656
:a lot of people don't realize.
657
:You can actually have
it set for a schedule.
658
:So I set my emails for
8 till 7 or something.
659
:And then they don't get
synced automatically.
660
:They sync if you open it and scroll
it, but they don't get synced.
661
:And I was trying that at the weekends
before I got a separate phone.
662
:But for me, it, it was too
663
:tempting.
664
:It's too tempting to just squelch, right?
665
:And, and I think I get
FOMO, fear of missing out.
666
:So I don't want to, I don't want to miss
out on something that might be important.
667
:And it's also habit.
668
:I think, clicking into WhatsApp
and clicking into emails is almost
669
:like an automatic thing we do now
without even thinking about it.
670
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, you're bang
on there about how habits form so
671
:quickly because you pick up your phone
You think I'll tap my email, just
672
:check if there's anything important.
673
:Any of this, if you say I'll just,
you're on a slippery slope , it
674
:could be five minutes But it's it's
about where does your attention go?
675
:So a couple of things here Environment
design is really interesting and
676
:I've worked with people who've
done this and we've set this up
677
:in for people I've worked with.
678
:But if you design your
environment in a certain way,
679
:it will have a certain output.
680
:For example, if you work from home and
you're trying to get this work life
681
:balance, you work from home and you've
got your desk in your bedroom or your
682
:desk in your kitchen, fallouts from COVID.
683
:The visual stimulus around you,
it could be like your personal
684
:space, will still trigger you into
connecting to personal and vice versa.
685
:If you're working in the kitchen and
you still got your laptop set up when
686
:you're having dinner, you are visually
still, your peripheral vision, your
687
:brain saying your laptop's there.
688
:Maybe I need to just write
that note or just send my
689
:client a thingy and off we go.
690
:So what is in our visual
field, our environment is.
691
:In some ways, very easy to design, we
can change our room, you, as you said,
692
:you could buy a second phone, you could
work from a separate place, I use,
693
:I use co working spaces sometimes.
694
:Environment design is one of the
easiest ways to leverage habit,
695
:because if we are, quote, trying
not to check our emails, that takes
696
:effort and energy, that's draining.
697
:creating habits around environment,
where is the phone or is no
698
:phone, or, for instance, I never
take a phone in my gym, never.
699
:Yeah, I just train
because that's my space.
700
:It's on Do Not Disturb.
701
:It's locked away.
702
:And, but I see people on the phone
in the gym and I'm like, wow, I know,
703
:I know some people are looking at
being online trainers and that can
704
:work, but your attention's not there.
705
:And for those of us who know me, I train
a lot and I do a lot of strength and
706
:conditioning and loads of fitness work.
707
:If you are doing strength and fitness
of any nature and your break time
708
:or rest time is you're on the phone.
709
:You've put your body into
a state of Misattention.
710
:I just checked my work email
before I do my next deadlift.
711
:It
712
:is the worst way to train
because you're not present.
713
:You're not in the physiology
of what you're doing.
714
:And your attention you've
just outsourced it.
715
:And it's draining.
716
:this whole thing around environment
design I think is super, super important.
717
:Claire Elms: really,
really important, isn't it?
718
:And I think as well, the, like the
working from home thing, like if,
719
:if you've got mess somewhere, I
have children, they create mess.
720
:It's like a, an avalanche of
disaster before they leave the house.
721
:and if I was to then go around and if I
was sitting at I have, a garden office
722
:because if I was sitting in the house,
I would be doing the, I'll just do the
723
:dishwasher, or I'll just prep dinner, or
I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll just, there is the
724
:I'll just, isn't it, all the time, and,
I'll just tidy up their rooms, or I'll
725
:just sort this out, or I'll just sort that
out, and I, and like you say, and I think,
726
:there's all this conversation around
multitasking and monotasking, isn't there?
727
:But we can't multitask.
728
:It takes 23 minutes to
get back on task again.
729
:and so before you know it, your working
day has disappeared and you feel
730
:like you haven't achieved anything
because you've, you've been like
731
:your attention and your flow has been
elsewhere and you haven't focused.
732
:It's the same when you're
scrolling on social media.
733
:there was a really interesting,
conversation you had with Matt and your
734
:podcast where you were talking about
social media, scrolling and stuff.
735
:And it was really interesting
because it just really resonates.
736
:So many people have that issue
where they are just check Facebook
737
:or just checking LinkedIn or just
check, TikTok or whatever it is.
738
:and then before, you're on like a
video frenzy of, of seeing other
739
:people mapping out their lives.
740
:which A, makes you have comparisonitis,
good old comparisonitis, where
741
:you go, Oh, I'm not good enough.
742
:And what am I, I'm not doing that.
743
:And maybe I should be doing that.
744
:and then it also makes you look around and
go, Oh, that's what I want to strive for.
745
:And then it's sometimes that
could be healthy, right?
746
:You can go, Oh yeah.
747
:Okay.
748
:I'm going to change some habits and I'm
going to focus on, that conversation
749
:that Sal had about like doing this, that
and the other, I'm going to do that.
750
:but quite often you get
suckered into the next thing.
751
:And it's, it's.
752
:ads and stuff that come up
and a lot of people dunno.
753
:They can just turn the ads off as well.
754
:and, just like little, little
hacks I guess as you go
755
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah.
756
:It's such an important thing.
757
:I've got a client and I'm going
to be sharing to me, she's super,
758
:super busy, super successful,
super busy, parent, all this stuff.
759
:I was doing a lot of time on social
media and we, we got into the question
760
:like, okay, because it was around about
energy and your home life and work life.
761
:So it was the work life
balance conversation.
762
:And, and I got interested, okay,
So what's, what's driving that?
763
:What are you looking for when
you're on Instagram or TikTok or
764
:one of the, one of the platforms?
765
:And, because I asked, could you tell
me how good Instagram was last night?
766
:And what post did you see?
767
:And they're like, I
can't remember any of it.
768
:literally couldn't remember any.
769
:okay, so it has no stickiness.
770
:It's just busy.
771
:And actually what we found was, this
person was looking to downregulate.
772
:They were longing to switch off.
773
:Now, now the sentiment and
the intent is perfect, right?
774
:I want to switch off.
775
:I've had a busy day.
776
:You can't switch off when you're
being dopamine spiked, right?
777
:You're being pumped.
778
:That's like trying to
switch off while sprinting.
779
:It doesn't work.
780
:your nervous system is going
jacked up and then you move
781
:into sympathetic nervous system.
782
:But the sentiment and the need is there.
783
:I want to switch off.
784
:So sometimes it's about checking
that homeostasis in the mind.
785
:okay, I know I have this habit of
scrolling and I know it doesn't work.
786
:How can I choose better for my work
life integration, which might look
787
:like, for me, it's always getting
to the body, some form of movement.
788
:Reading is a beautiful discipline.
789
:I read loads.
790
:I love reading and just
simply being kind to yourself.
791
:I think it's important thing here.
792
:We all want to switch off.
793
:There's nothing quote wrong with
social media scrolling, but for every
794
:minute of attention you give that.
795
:You've, you've given that minute of your
life away to someone else and they ain't
796
:paying you and if you are tired and you're
using things like social media and, and,
797
:tech to take your attention away, that is
not downregulation, that's distraction.
798
:So sometimes it takes a bit of a kind
of slap around the face to realize
799
:that I'm just distracting myself.
800
:Yeah, I know what I'm doing.
801
:That's okay.
802
:We don't want to get beat up, but
it's like, what do you actually want?
803
:I want to sleep well.
804
:Okay, cool.
805
:Let's put better practice in place.
806
:Phone away, book out, walk before
bed or whatever it is you need to do.
807
:But coming awake to what is going on.
808
:And I wanted to say something that
you said there and I pick up on it,
809
:attention, so if we're looking for work
life balance, then where's your attention?
810
:As you've already beautifully alluded
to, where's your attention as a busy mom?
811
:If you're multitasking, are you
like, I'll just do this, do that.
812
:If you cannot control your attention
and again, don't, there's no need
813
:to beat up on oneself about this
because it's not easy, but being
814
:able to hold attention on something
is becoming a real masterful gift.
815
:It's
816
:hard, right?
817
:Yeah, it's like why I do heavy, heavy
weightlifting because you can't not pay
818
:attention when you're trying to lift
your body weight off the floor, right?
819
:You can't be thinking, oh, should I
just call so and so and how's my shorts?
820
:You have to focus and that's why
I love strong practice, strong
821
:physical training practice
because you have to pay attention.
822
:Yoga as well, you can pay
attention, but for some of us
823
:your mind can still go off there.
824
:So whatever way works, but how we
manage our attention, what practices
825
:are you working with your clients
about attention management and
826
:attention, control to some degree?
827
:How do you work with that?
828
:Claire Elms: Yeah.
829
:For me, you've alluded to it anyway,
is the awareness, like quite often
830
:we, we're not aware that it's a thing,
especially as, as, as a parent, my kids
831
:will be like, oh, can you just do this?
832
:Can you just do that?
833
:Can you, mum, can you do this?
834
:Mum, I don't know how many times
I say mum in a day, it's painful.
835
:and the amount of times I say to
them in a minute, and, and I've
836
:really become aware of that recently.
837
:I think like from COVID,
obviously, We're on our phones.
838
:I was trying to manage the
business while being with the kids.
839
:you're on your phone instead of the
computer trying to juggle stuff.
840
:and I think my daughter, took, did
a, a picture of me with my phone.
841
:And that for me was like, wow, that's not
how I want to be represented in her world.
842
:That's not.
843
:What's important to me and that,
and that for me was enough of a,
844
:of a boundary kind of setting.
845
:actually, I'm not going to be the
mom that's on the phone all the time.
846
:That's not something that I'm going to be.
847
:So for me, it's looking with, with
people of what are your boundaries?
848
:like we're in a culture where we
like to say yes to stuff a lot.
849
:we're in a culture where
everything is at our fingertips.
850
:We can get anything we want
whenever we want, pretty much.
851
:so how do we secure really clear
boundaries for ourselves to be
852
:able to give attention to the
things that are important to us?
853
:like when I do my exercising, I listen
to, I have my phone because I listen
854
:to Spotify or I listen to a podcast.
855
:I quite like listening to a podcast when
I go for a run, it's quite, it just,
856
:because running then feels effortless,
it doesn't feel like I'm running
857
:because I'm listening to something.
858
:But to be fully present and have the
attention on the thing that you're
859
:doing is a really, really hard thing.
860
:And I think it is that understanding
and awareness, it starts with that,
861
:because to make any kind of change, you
need to be aware that there's a problem.
862
:and a lot of people aren't aware
that there's a problem because they
863
:just, that's just what they're doing.
864
:so having that awareness that
there's a thing, and then looking
865
:at, how do I want that to look?
866
:If I want to focus on eating healthier,
or I want to focus on doing more
867
:exercise, or I want to focus on,
we've got seven, seven pillars of well
868
:being, so like, when we think of well
being, we think of the physical, right?
869
:We think of sleep, we think of
eating, and we think of exercise,
870
:but that's only one element.
871
:We've also got the mental health,
like, how are you feeling?
872
:the amount of people that
say like, how are you?
873
:And it's a flippant white hello, right?
874
:But like, how many
people actually ask that?
875
:Friends and colleagues, like, how
about you actually, like, how are
876
:you actually doing, are you okay?
877
:I, especially if you're concerned about
somebody, it's that, real attention,
878
:asking really clear questions, having the
right question, I think, with coaching and
879
:therapy, any intervention that's like a
helping practitioner intervention, having
880
:the right question to ask someone to get
them to think, to, to trigger an emotion.
881
:to trigger a feeling in their body
and it's that, like, how it connects
882
:to your body is so important because
once you're connected with it, you're
883
:aware of it and then you can change it
if you need to and so having that kind
884
:of really clear outline for people of
what they need to do, how they need to
885
:be and, and working on themselves, I
think is we talk about self care, right?
886
:And we think, oh, yeah, it's It's
fluffy, it's like going to a spa
887
:and, having massages and stuff and,
oh yeah, that's lovely, isn't it?
888
:But there should be something in your
day, every day, gives you something for
889
:you, in whatever capacity that is, that's
not work related, that's not, know,
890
:something that you feel like you have to
do, but something that you want to do,
891
:something that, that makes you feel good.
892
:Because if you don't have
anything that makes you feel
893
:good, what's the point, right?
894
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, absolutely.
895
:Yeah.
896
:All this work and no play.
897
:It's seriously, what is the point?
898
:And I think that that's one of the
brutal questions that needs to be asked.
899
:And questions are, vehicles
of attention, to quest.
900
:That's where the word question
comes from, to quest, to seek,
901
:and a, and a, and a good coach and
therapist will, will know this.
902
:perhaps other people's Oh
yeah, that's what it means,
903
:but it's, it's powerful thing.
904
:And when we self quest, where we
go yeah, what really matters to me?
905
:Yeah, it's fine growing my business
or working hard in my company and all
906
:that, but what really matters to me?
907
:is your marriage or
your job more important?
908
:They're brutal questions sometimes, but
someone's you've got to ask it, right?
909
:oh god, I haven't really
paid attention at home.
910
:I need to get my, get my things together.
911
:Or, are you, 16 years and
catch up with them later?
912
:Because you can't buy that back, no
matter how many millions you've got
913
:in the bank, you can't buy time.
914
:So these questions sometimes
are really uncomfortable.
915
:And really enlightening, so I, I, I
heartily recommend to all, if we're
916
:seeking work life balance, ask the
questions, like what really matters to me,
917
:what do I value, as Claire, you've already
said, who do I want to be, and, and know
918
:that stuff, and then start to get really
clear, okay, I've got some choices to
919
:make here, if you want to be fit and well
when you're midlife and older, you can't
920
:get away with not exercising and eating
well and sleeping well, it just, it just
921
:won't happen for you, there'd just be too
many biases against you being healthy.
922
:So you've got to choose what you
want and with choice, the word
923
:decision comes from decide, that's
the same origin of homicide.
924
:It means to kill off a
choice and have one choice.
925
:Multitasking, just stop it.
926
:You just do lots of things badly, right?
927
:Take a choice, see the kids, watch the TV
program, go to your meeting, try, be there
928
:and be there fully is way more powerful.
929
:Now I want to,
930
:Claire Elms: I saw, based on that,
sorry to interrupt Sal, but, when I
931
:was looking at what to talk about for
today, I saw a quote, which I pulled
932
:out, which I really like, and it's,
I'm not a product of circumstances.
933
:I'm a product of my decisions
and it just goes really well
934
:with what you've just said.
935
:So I just thought I'd throw
that in, but yeah, to me,
936
:decisions is really important.
937
:And we have a choice, right?
938
:We have a
939
:Sal Jefferies: the ultimate gift of
being a conscious human being, that's a
940
:belief I hold, and that is that we have
choice, and I recognize that some of
941
:those people have more privilege and some
people have less, of course, that's the
942
:truth of the world, but there's often a
choice, and okay, what choice can I make?
943
:And even if your job demands are
difficult and you've got Put the hours in.
944
:Fine.
945
:But what choice can I make here?
946
:Can I, when I come
home, be really at home?
947
:whatever it is, what choice can I make?
948
:Because that is your power.
949
:And if you give that choice
away, plenty of people take it.
950
:whether it's an internet company,
whether it's a Silicon Valley
951
:company, people want your choices.
952
:So sell them wisely.
953
:Claire Elms: And with
choice comes opportunity
954
:Sal Jefferies: Absolutely.
955
:So how about we bring this to a close?
956
:I, I, we've taken everyone on a, on a bit
of a journey here around all the things.
957
:If we've come away from striving for
work life balance, but understand we need
958
:it in the context that we understand.
959
:What's last?
960
:Guidance points.
961
:Would you like to share, Claire, that
you would say these are key things
962
:that are gonna really help you find
a healthy and a, and a, an odd,
963
:more appropriate work-life balance.
964
:Claire Elms: think it's, I think a few
top tips, is like understanding yourself,
965
:understanding where, what, what, what's
important to you, where your values are,
966
:what you want out of life, like what, what
gets you going, what, what makes you who
967
:you are, how you want to live your life.
968
:Understand that you can make
choices within that process.
969
:For me, it's, it's having an
understanding of your wellbeing.
970
:So looking at the pillars of the well
being, which we haven't really touched
971
:on today and it's a whole conversation in
its own right, but having an understanding
972
:of how you as a person links in with your
well being, links in with your emotional
973
:intelligence and links in with your
mental fitness, mental toughness, and how
974
:all of those things enhance you to get,
to, to do, to, to get the performance
975
:that you want, and, and to do the things
that you want that are important to
976
:you, having really clear boundaries.
977
:And setting clear expectations.
978
:Sal Jefferies: Really nice, powerful.
979
:Yeah.
980
:Super salient points.
981
:I, I, I, I agree.
982
:I works with me.
983
:I love what you've said there,
and I hope, hope if you're taking
984
:notes, get that down or replay it.
985
:one thing I'd just like to speak to is,
is understanding the, It starts within,
986
:the ecosystem of you is your physiology,
your emotional system, and your mind.
987
:We often look outwards, it's how
the human system is designed.
988
:We look out through our eyes, we see
the world around us, but Start at home.
989
:Take care of your body.
990
:Be strong, be active, and,
this isn't a quick fix.
991
:I don't buy any quick fixes
with the whole health thing.
992
:this is a lifestyle.
993
:It could take you ten years to
get the body composition you
994
:want, or the health you want.
995
:But you'll be there in ten years.
996
:So keep going start with the body check
your emotional state and as Claire
997
:spoke about we've only touched on it
But learn about breath work get the
998
:basics get the basics of how to breathe
and regulate because emotions drive our
999
:Thinking to a large extent and checking
with your with your mind as Claire you
:
00:51:09,568 --> 00:51:13,718
said values What do you really want your
choices if you come from those spaces?
:
00:51:14,338 --> 00:51:18,478
Your work life choices will become quite
clear and they will probably become much
:
00:51:18,478 --> 00:51:20,278
more, more in line with what you want.
:
00:51:20,288 --> 00:51:24,178
So there are my thoughts on how to
perhaps pull this together, for a
:
00:51:24,188 --> 00:51:27,018
better work life coherence, perhaps.
:
00:51:28,018 --> 00:51:28,308
Claire Elms: Yeah.
:
00:51:28,308 --> 00:51:30,488
And it's understanding
that everyone's different.
:
00:51:30,488 --> 00:51:31,458
It was quite interesting.
:
00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:34,728
even this morning, somebody phoned
me literally just before I came
:
00:51:34,728 --> 00:51:37,958
on and I said, Oh, I am, I'm
just about to go into a meeting.
:
00:51:37,958 --> 00:51:40,378
And they said, Oh, I could
phone you at lunchtime.
:
00:51:40,378 --> 00:51:42,828
I know that's not appropriate,
but how about one o'clock?
:
00:51:43,328 --> 00:51:46,988
And I was like, he's assuming that I
have a lunch break at one o'clock, but I
:
00:51:47,008 --> 00:51:48,238
don't have a lunch break at one o'clock.
:
00:51:48,528 --> 00:51:50,968
So it's quite interesting, isn't it?
:
00:51:50,968 --> 00:51:55,348
How that kind of awareness just
generally is, is with other people,
:
00:51:55,388 --> 00:51:57,388
but taking breaks is really important.
:
00:51:57,398 --> 00:52:02,518
So having an understanding
of the, when you, when you do
:
00:52:02,518 --> 00:52:03,818
choose to work in an evening.
:
00:52:04,343 --> 00:52:07,453
Why you choose to work in an evening, if
you choose to do something at the weekend,
:
00:52:07,493 --> 00:52:10,933
Why you're choosing to do something at
the weekend, and if you're choosing to
:
00:52:10,933 --> 00:52:17,453
take time during your working day, to
do things like fitness or something for
:
00:52:17,453 --> 00:52:22,473
you, they're not feeling guilty about
that as well because that can really take
:
00:52:22,528 --> 00:52:23,388
Sal Jefferies: Yeah, absolutely.
:
00:52:23,388 --> 00:52:23,878
Yes.
:
00:52:23,978 --> 00:52:25,538
Make choices wisely.
:
00:52:25,628 --> 00:52:25,978
Yeah.
:
00:52:26,148 --> 00:52:27,438
Own your choices.
:
00:52:27,748 --> 00:52:28,828
Own your choices.
:
00:52:29,828 --> 00:52:34,608
And keep an eye on the sneaky guilt that
can sneak up and yeah, just, get present.
:
00:52:35,068 --> 00:52:39,078
Claire, thank you for sharing, lots
of thoughts, experience, knowledge,
:
00:52:39,108 --> 00:52:40,648
and wisdom from your perspective.
:
00:52:40,708 --> 00:52:43,718
I very much appreciate you coming
and joining me in the conversation.
:
00:52:44,108 --> 00:52:46,828
I trust if you're listening that
you have scribbled down notes,
:
00:52:46,828 --> 00:52:47,708
you've tapped them in your phone.
:
00:52:47,758 --> 00:52:50,558
If you've just listened and gone,
that's all really interesting.
:
00:52:50,783 --> 00:52:52,113
Do you really want work life balance?
:
00:52:52,633 --> 00:52:55,003
I would say, and this is what I do
in my podcast when I listen to other
:
00:52:55,003 --> 00:53:00,673
people, I take it like a lecture and
I play it back and I make my notes and
:
00:53:00,673 --> 00:53:02,443
I integrate it into my understanding.
:
00:53:02,443 --> 00:53:06,193
So if there's something that's just chimed
with you, play this back, get the notes,
:
00:53:06,253 --> 00:53:09,303
make the points, and lastly, take action.
:
00:53:10,303 --> 00:53:13,463
Claire Elms: I do the one thing, I don't
know if you do that Sal, but just choose
:
00:53:13,463 --> 00:53:17,443
one thing from what we spoke about today
and that you're going to do different.
:
00:53:18,068 --> 00:53:18,558
Sal Jefferies: Choose one
:
00:53:18,558 --> 00:53:18,838
thing.
:
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:20,288
We shall leave you on that.
:
00:53:20,288 --> 00:53:21,028
Choose one thing.
:
00:53:21,038 --> 00:53:23,958
And as, of course, you can
always reach out on the various,
:
00:53:23,998 --> 00:53:25,738
connections on the pod page.
:
00:53:25,738 --> 00:53:26,628
You can reach me at the site.
:
00:53:26,728 --> 00:53:29,188
All details will be following
up after this, piece.
:
00:53:30,108 --> 00:53:31,798
Thank you, dear listener, for joining us.
:
00:53:31,908 --> 00:53:34,058
Thank you, Claire, for being
in conversation with me.
:
00:53:34,058 --> 00:53:35,058
I've really enjoyed this.
:
00:53:35,118 --> 00:53:37,168
And, until the next one, take care.
:
00:53:37,681 --> 00:53:37,861
Claire Elms: care.
:
00:53:37,861 --> 00:53:38,121
Bye.
:
00:53:43,335 --> 00:53:44,985
Sal Jefferies: Thank you
so much for listening.
:
00:53:45,255 --> 00:53:48,825
If you enjoyed the episode,
please subscribe and if a friend
:
00:53:48,825 --> 00:53:51,915
would benefit from hearing this,
do send it on to them as well.
:
00:53:53,115 --> 00:53:56,115
If you would like to get in touch
yourself, then you can go to my website,
:
00:53:56,355 --> 00:54:05,025
which is sal jeffries.com, spelled S
A L J E F E R I E s sal jeffries.com.
:
00:54:05,325 --> 00:54:08,685
Hit the get in touch link and there
you can send me a direct message.
:
00:54:09,630 --> 00:54:12,510
If you'd like to go one step further
and learn whether coaching could help
:
00:54:12,510 --> 00:54:17,190
you overcome a challenge or a block
in your life, then do reach out and
:
00:54:17,190 --> 00:54:20,580
I offer a call where we can discuss
how this may be able to help you.
:
00:54:21,450 --> 00:54:23,370
Until the next time, take care.