The need for certainty is massive block

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Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement.

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A systemic approach to human

behaviour, performance and wellbeing.

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Sal Jeffries: If I could help you with one

thing that I have seen time and time again

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in my life and in my coaching clients

lives, that one thing which should be your

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biggest block is the need for certainty.

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The need for certainty feels

kind of regular, doesn't it?

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It feels like everyone needs

a little bit of certainty.

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It's very normal.

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what's wrong with that?

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But if we uncover that need a little

bit more, you're going to find some

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fascinating things and in this episode,

I want to share with you more about that

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need for certainty, what it is, why we

have it, why it becomes or can become

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a problem, and what to do about it.

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Okay, so the need for certainty.

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To be certain.

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I want my business to grow by so a

certain amount by a certain time.

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want my relationship to be going well.

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I want this to happen.

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It's a very natural state.

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And in my coaching space,

I work with individuals.

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Normally they're around 40, 40 years old

plus, they're running dynamic businesses

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and they've got goals and ambitions.

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And that is cool.

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And that's what we work on.

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We build this stuff.

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We use psychology, we

use human behavior tools.

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We do all the right things

to help this happen.

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But the reality is, and I'm very

clear with everyone I work with,

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there are no guarantees in life.

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Of course, there's the old adage

of the only two things we can

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be sure of are death and taxes.

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And, old as that statement

is, it's probably true.

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The only one that's really true is death.

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That's the only certainty

we can be certain of.

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And in fact, another phrase which

came up many years ago, which says,

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The only certainty is uncertainty.

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And that was by yours truly.

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So certainty, why do we want it?

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Why do we want to achieve that goal?

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Whether it's financial,

professional, personal, health.

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We want to feel a certain way.

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So when we go under the layers,

again, I'm not going to say

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that wanting goals is wrong.

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It's all good, and we work

with this all the time.

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But the certainty can be a block

and it's a surreptitious one.

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So let's take an example.

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I was working with a client and she was

developing her practice, that she had

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in her business, a consultancy practice.

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And I was brought in to really help her

up level in her mindset as a founder.

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And the founder was coming from

a sort of cell phone to multiple

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staff and the business was scaling.

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And my brief was, help

me do that transition.

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Help me with the psychological tools,

overcome the fears and the blocks.

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It's yeah, absolutely.

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That's exactly what I do.

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I love it.

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But what was really prevalent with

this person was she was really

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craving certainty and it comes out

and it shows certainly to someone

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like me who works with this a lot.

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It comes out in this.

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Need.

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There's a real need.

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There's something quite strong about it.

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Like I need this to happen.

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Not just a want or a desire, but a need.

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And the other tell is that when things

don't go your way, whatever that way is,

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that there's a very strong reaction to it.

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Like it's really particularly, maybe

it's more than perhaps appropriate.

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And there's a big tell there, that

person's need for certainty isn't

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just It's nice to achieve my goal.

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It's, I need this to happen.

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So what happens with this pattern?

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And you might be resonating with

this and I've been here too.

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It's very normal, but what we're

actually seeking, we're seeking

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an emotional feeling, which is

coupled to a belief, which is

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coupled to our past data experience.

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A quick lowdown on how our brain, body,

nervous system, the whole process works.

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When we are young, we are in a very

absorptive learning stage, particularly

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from the years zero to seven.

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That's what we've seen

from human development.

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Years zero to seven, our brainwaves

are often spoke, suggested to be

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in alpha and theta waves, which are

Translate waves that are the waves

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you might be in hypnotherapy or in

a trance, and we're very absorptive.

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The suggestion as well is that

the prefrontal cortex, the smart,

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analytical part of your brain

is not online yet at that age.

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It's just not able to rationalize.

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So we go through life at this young stage.

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pretty much as a very inquisitive

sponge, if you were to use a certain

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phrase that comes to my mind,

but we're just absorbing, right?

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and because we don't have this

power to discern and to have

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intellectual understanding and

rigor, we're very emotionally led.

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So the way this works is whatever

happens in your experience, We code it.

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Neurologically it's coded,

like that's a memory.

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It's coded with a meaning,

semantics, and an emotion, feeling.

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If we have been around stuff, which could

be, danger, threat, whether it's physical,

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psychological, emotional, whatever it is,

at a younger age, we shift the baseline.

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in our stress response.

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We shift the baseline in

our anticipation response.

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And then what we're finding in our

more modern understanding of how humans

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function is that our mind body system

is much more predictive than we know.

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It's really predicting what it's seeing.

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So it's pretty much predicting

if I see Let's say a failure.

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If I see something that says I haven't

got that certain outcome I want that

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means and it has a feeling that is and if

that means I'm not safe I'm not worthy.

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I'm not good enough I'm not loved whatever

that very deep layer meaning and most of

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us don't even know it because it's in the

subconscious strata But you will know the

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feeling because it'll be very visceral

very body and it won't be nice There'll

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be a strong feeling and That's the marker.

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That's the one I'm looking

for when I'm working.

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That's the marker.

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It tells me there's something

deeper at play here.

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Certainty.

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The need for certainty.

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We are hardwired as humans to seek safety.

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Our brain, nervous system, the

amazing system that it is, is

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always looking for threat detection.

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That's what it does.

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Threat detection.

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In the modern world, most threats

are psychological or emotional.

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you might not win a contract,

you may lose money, you may

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lose face, whatever that is.

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And it still triggers the same pathways

in us that make us feel like we want

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to run or fight or at worst, shut down.

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So the need for certainty.

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There's often this very human, let's see,

ego led need to control events outside of

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ourselves, but that's not the end point.

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And this is why I find it super

interesting to get into this topic.

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It's not just about controlling

the events outside of ourselves.

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It's because we want to do

that for a feeling slash reason.

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And if you understand what that feeling

slash reason is, then you start to see

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the cycle and the circle that you're on.

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Back to client with her consultancy,

her need for certainty was

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actually keeping her very small.

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She wasn't scaling in a

way that she needed to.

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She wasn't investing like she needed to,

and she simply wasn't taking the actions.

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Because her subconscious or non

conscious mind, the bit that we can't

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see, was really driving the show.

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And her fear was prevalent and

present and driving her behavior.

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And this is why behavior change

on its own doesn't really stick.

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You've got to get onto the subtext,

the meaning and the emotion.

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You get that and then you understand,

ah, this is why I won't take risks.

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Oh, this is why I'm stuck in this

position and I keep repeating the problem.

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It's because we got to go

into that sort of subterranean

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layer of meaning and emotion.

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But when we get that, then

you're really onto something.

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Then you're onto understanding

the need for certainty.

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is driven by this.

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So then you can start to become

conscious of what was previously

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unconscious and you can start to

move into, let's say a space of not

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untotal uncertainty, but you're okay.

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there's space.

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there's a buffer.

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And this is what I've worked

with with this, client.

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I gave her a buffer.

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We helped to have a buffer of yes, of

course, we've got goals and objectives,

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but if there's a buffer it doesn't quite

work out or something comes in, then.

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I'll be okay.

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And that I'll be okay.

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Well, I mean, that's

autonomy all over, isn't it?

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It's beautiful.

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It's powerful.

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The need to control the need for

certainty actually makes us very weak.

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We're very at the forces of, the market,

clients, the weather, pandemics, whatever

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is coming on that we don't even know.

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And we cannot even see.

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So if you are struggling, with something.

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You're stuck.

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You're not moving forward.

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You are not taking action.

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Are you really caught and bound by this

pattern too, about the need for certainty?

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If so, then I invite you to

take a deeper look inwards.

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Where's we don't need to do psychological

archeology as we call it, go back, but

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it does help to understand its origin.

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But I think the most important thing is

what I see is understand its meaning.

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When you understand the meaning of the

event, When you understand the meaning

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and the feeling about what do I believe

and feel when I'm uncertain, then you

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will start to see the driving force.

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And you can't beat it, so there's

no point trying to beat it away.

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But the more you bring this in, the

more you face fear and allow it to be,

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the more fear can translate into focus.

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So we're going to try and get rid of fear.

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We want to bring it in

closer, but be with it.

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And understanding is one of the best ways

to steady a heightened emotion state.

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Bring understanding, a bit of

rational rigor and understanding

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what's going on here.

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And that allows enough buffer,

as we've said, to help you be

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more okay with the uncertain.

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So, my dear listener, if you're feeling

that you need certainty, it's normal.

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We all crave it.

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But actually the sweet spot, if you're

going to do cool stuff with your life,

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is to be okay with some uncertainty.

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And I almost guarantee some of

the most uncertain things in your

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life have probably been the best.

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It could be you met a partner.

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It could be that you had, your child,

it could be that you got your dog, or

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it could be that, you know, you lost

a business and you set up a new one,

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which was amazing, or lost a job and

you got a better one, you know that,

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I've been here a million times, and you

go, ah, I never saw that coming, and

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yeah, actually, it was a good thing.

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So to embrace uncertainty is to

understand what drives the fear.

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And the meaning.

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When you get that clear and then you can

work with the buffer to be okay with a

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little uncertainty and that becomes a

very powerful mix for great results both

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in your personal and professional life.

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So my dear listener, I hope if you

have been feeling uncertain about

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it all, you are clearer now and can

take some of those steps, put them

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into action and see what happens.

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And as always, do let

me know what happens.

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If you have questions, please reach out.

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If you have results.

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do let me know.

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I love to hear what happens with you.

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The point of sharing knowledge is it gives

people the gift to do things themselves.

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So I really hope this

gift is something for you.

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So until the next time, take care.

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Outro: Thank you so much for listening.

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If you enjoyed the

episode, please subscribe.

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And if a friend would benefit from hearing

this, do send it on to them as well.

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If you would like to get in touch

yourself, then you can go to my website.

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Which is Sal Jeffries dot com,

spelt S A L J E F F E R I E S.

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Sal Jeffries dot com.

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Hit the get in touch link and there

you can send me a direct message.

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If you'd like to go one step further

and learn whether coaching can help

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you overcome a challenge or a block

in your life, then do reach out and

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I offer a call where we can discuss

how this may be able to help you.

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Until the next time, take care.