Episode 18

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Published on:

9th Nov 2023

How to overcome indecisiveness

Being stuck, indecisive and not moving forward is draining.

In this mini episode, explain some of the psychology and emotional patterns that might be a play for you. Explain the difference between patience and indecision.

What is a decision? I explain more in this episode and what's behind the reason we can't make a clear decision.

Losing money / time / judgement from others can be a big part of this pattern. What are your fears?

Analysis paralysis - overthinking is another key issue. This suggest tha'ts it's not a cognitive/thinking problem, more likely an emotionally charged problem that hasn't been addressed.

And finally, the 'perfectionism' pattern might be what's holding you back. It's another sneaky pattern that may be fuelling indecision.

Most of the time, the only wrong decision is usually indecision!

Get in touch with Sal

If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you

Transcript
Sal Jefferies:

Welcome to Mindset, mood and Movement, a systemic approach to human

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behavior, performance, and wellbeing.

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How psychological, emotional, and

physical health are all connected.

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In this episode, I'll be sharing

my knowledge and experience to help

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you overcome a challenge that you

might be facing in life health.

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All work.

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Sal: If you're stuck with a decision

in life or business, there's a good

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chance that you're being indecisive.

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We all can and indecision has

its place and yet indecision is

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not a place we want to stick with

because of course we get stuck.

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So today I'm going to talk about

this whole process of indecision,

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stuckness, and it's such a hot topic.

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It's invariably one of the key points

people come to my coaching practice

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to, to resolve, to work on, to, to

figure out because something is stuck

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and they're simply not moving forward.

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Being indecisive.

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Well, I want to, I want to

name a couple of things here.

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There is a really big

distinction between indecision.

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And patience.

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Now, patience is power.

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Patience is this place of giving something

time, allowing things to flourish,

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maybe data to come in, understanding

and learnings so that you can make

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a quality decision going forward.

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That's great.

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Indecision.

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It's a little like ping pong.

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You kind of bounce in between two

things and you're not getting anywhere.

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One is based on fear.

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One is based on confidence.

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and I think you can

guess which one is which.

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So indecision, and I would also

say indecision in a way as a

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form of a maladaptive decision.

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So let's get into this.

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What is a decision?

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Now I've done a lot of work around

decision science and linguistics and

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behavioral science and all sorts of

cool stuff, which is how I do what I do.

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And I love to work with this, I

love looking at the etymology of

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words because they tell us a lot.

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So the word decision.

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Decide has the same roots as homicide,

which means to kill off, and when we

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make a real decision, we are killing

off an option, or, for some of us,

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it's killing off multiple options.

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Now, if you've got two choices, three

choices, four choices on the table

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of what you can do, or what you might

try, you've got to kill off those

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other decisions to take the one.

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And for many of us,

that feels frightening.

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It feels frightening because

we might miss out on something.

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It could be because we make the wrong

decision, which for some of us, that's

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laden with meaning about who we are.

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And there are other very tangible factors.

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We might lose money.

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We might waste a lot of time.

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We might become judged by others.

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All of this stuff needs

understanding and disseminating.

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So when you're looking at getting

out of a stuck position, getting out

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of indecision firstly is to realize

you have to make a clear choice.

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And normally it's a singular choice.

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I need to Set up my business,

or I need to go freelance, or I

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need to lead this relationship.

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Whatever.

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In the space that you are,

you are, you're stuck in.

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We need clarity.

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Looking around, the fear

is really important.

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So let's start with this.

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Whatever your in decision point is.

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Write down or name in your mind.

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What are your fears?

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So in business, I come across this so much

and a lot of the time they are the same.

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I'm going to lose money.

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I'm going to lose time.

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I'm going to lose face.

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So once you name those things, we

can start to talk to those problems.

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Because if you've done something

in your life, which I guess you

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have, you'll probably be able to

find an answer to those problems.

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Like, how can we mitigate

the risk of financial loss?

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How can we budget the

right amount of time in?

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or check that that's not some arbitrary

idea you have in your mind and the loss of

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face or, you know, judgment from others.

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then how can we help your mindset shift

so you don't outsource your worth and

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your, um, validity to another person?

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And by the way, most people

aren't probably judging you.

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So looking at those three and

renaming them can be so, so helpful.

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If it's personal, again, the core

things boil down to this is fear.

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It's normally fear, fear

of loss of something.

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Uh, I knew a client that had a, um, who

was struggling in a relationship, uh,

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and they felt it had come to an end.

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And as sad as that is, that was the truth.

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So they choose to speak to their,

their partner at the time and be really

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honest about where they felt they were.

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And interestingly, what happened was

it didn't actually come to an end.

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It came to a change.

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But because they've been sitting on this

indecision, should I stay or should I go?

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They were having a whole host

of problems and suffering.

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And actually by name of the decision.

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It triggered a shift

in their relationship.

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And I remember another client,

it also was right for them to

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move on from that relationship.

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And that's okay too.

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Now, another issue that can really,

really affect us is analysis paralysis.

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And by goodness me, if you are a analytic

person, you're smart, you'll probably

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spend a lot of your time figuring

stuff out, thinking, cognizing, using

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that, um, that logical brain of yours.

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We all do, and I do.

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I spend a lot of time in thinking.

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However, Analysis Paralysis,

as it says, is overthinking.

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What I would say is if you are loop

thinking on something and you're not

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solving your answers, it's because

it's not a thought based problem.

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It's likely to be a...

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Subconscious based problem or

an emotional problem and we

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want to get to that substrate.

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So for example, if you're going

to let's say set up a business.

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I had a client Tara She was going

to the well being sector that worked

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in different spaces for a while,

but wanted to set up her own company

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and Tara was literally just stuck.

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You know, do I do this?

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Do I do that?

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Do I consult?

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And we worked through it.

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It's like, okay, you need to decide.

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You need to kill off those

other options and choose one.

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Which ones are going to be?

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So we did the right processes to help

her mind get clear, to name her fears

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and to take that courageous step

of like, yeah, okay, I'm going to

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put X amount of money towards this.

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I'm going to give it two years.

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And I'm going to be okay if it fails.

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Oh my goodness.

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The pressure relieved and suddenly

we've got someone in a creative,

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enthused and powerful state.

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So getting rid of the fear

based shackles are vital.

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to get unstuck and to flourish.

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And actually Tara now is flying.

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Her business is going really well

and it's such a great thing to see.

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But it all started from that awkward

place of what if, what if, what if.

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So when we get out of that,

then you can start to see.

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Also, we want to check that you're

not using the perfectionism pattern.

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as a kind of a sneaky excuse for not

doing something or getting somewhere.

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Uh, this has shown up in, I know a

couple of clients I coached in the

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last couple of years, busy building

the website, looking at brands, brand

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identity, all this kind of stuff.

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And there's a place for him.

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But what they weren't doing

was what we call in business an

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MVP, a minimum viable product.

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What's the smallest amount

of something they could do to

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figure out whether this Company.

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This, this venture they were

interested in was worthwhile spending

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their time, money, and energy in.

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So , if you're stuck in perfectionism,

like, wait, it's gotta be right,

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it's gonna be this amazing thing.

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As opposed to, what if I tried, what if I

threw a couple of thousand quid at them?

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What if I gave it six months and

I, you know, set up one product

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or one service and road tested it?

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And see what the market said,

nothing beats that real feedback.

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Nothing beats experience because it also

comes out of analysis paralysis and comes

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into experiential live feedback worthy

experience, which we can work with,

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you know, business wise or personally.

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So coming out of one's head out

of the thought zone into the real

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zone, start to get to an experience

will really give you the truth.

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of this choice and it doesn't

mean it's going to be right.

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So I'm not going to say that you're

going to make the right decision, but I

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would say generally most people's wrong

decisions are when they make no decision.

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Because even if you make a decision

doesn't work, let's say you've

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set up that business and your MVP

tells you it's not a great idea.

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Now, you know, you don't have

to waste any more time on it.

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You don't have to waste your energy

thinking, Oh, I wish I'd have tried that.

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You tried it.

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It didn't work.

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Go do something else.

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You know, life is fluid.

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Life is moving all the time.

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It's not a stagnant place.

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And as we see, markets change,

the world changes, you know, with

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the pandemic change, the culture,

there's these huge amounts of change.

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Be at one with the flow.

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That also is a state of movement.

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That's a state of making

choices going forward.

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So I hope those principles are triggering,

kind of getting you thinking a little bit.

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So if you are stuck, you're being

indecisive, look at your fears, name them.

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And then once you've named them,

figure out what can I do about them.

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Look at things like, am

I doubting my confidence?

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Yeah, that's just a trick of the mind.

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Most of us, we all feel unconfident

at something, but actually

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what we really need is courage.

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We need courage.

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And courage doesn't mean you

feel good, it normally means you

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feel scared but you do it anyway.

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So if you're going to apply that...

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And be open.

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Like, okay, I'm going to try this out.

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I'm going to give it this

amount of time and energy.

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And at the end point of that trial

period, I'll assess and that's okay too.

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Because if you don't move

forward, you're going nowhere

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and going nowhere is a bad idea.

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So if you are stuck, I trust some

of those points there will start

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to loosen your thinking, help

your behavior and start to shift.

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you into something new.

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And as always, if you want to

reach out, let me know, uh, the

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results of any of these points

and maybe there's a success story.

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Do let me know.

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I always love to hear.

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So until the next one, take care.

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Thank you so much for listening.

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If you enjoyed the

episode, please subscribe.

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And if a friend would benefit from hearing

this, do send it on to them as well.

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If you would like to get in touch

yourself, then you can go to my website.

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Which is Sal Jeffries dot com,

spelt S A L J E F F E R I E S.

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Sal Jeffries dot com.

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Hit the get in touch link and there

you can send me a direct message.

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If you'd like to go one step further

and learn whether coaching can help

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you overcome a challenge or a block

in your life, then do reach out and

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I offer a call where we can discuss

how this may be able to help you.

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Until the next time, take care.

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About the Podcast

Mindset, Mood & Movement
Human performance podcast for life and business
Feeling stuck, stressed and exhausted is bad for you, your health and your business. But it doesn’t have to be like this.

Sal Jefferies is a coach who helps founders overcome anxiety, build confidence and become healthy. This podcast will help you feel calm, confident and strong in life and business.

Sal has a unique coaching philosophy which integrates psychology, emotional regulation and embodied action. This podcast aims to share knowledge, skill and strategies from these 3 interwoven areas - mindset, mood & movement.

Each fortnight, Sal will be in conversation with a guest from a specialist field of human performance and behaviour. The week in between will be Sal's own shorter episode where he's goes deep into various topics - all created to give you the tools to become calm, confident & strong.


About your host

Profile picture for Sal Jefferies

Sal Jefferies

I believe in helping people become free - free of anxiety; to be authentic; to not worry of what others think of you. Free to create, to love and free to be calm, confident and strong.

I understand what it’s like to find life difficult, to deal with challenges and to feel lost; that’s why I over the last 15 years I have immersed myself in yoga, psychology and human behaviour. I have been on a journey of deep change and growth and I know at the core of most life choices is the desire for freedom and peace. I work with people who think deeply and feel deeply and looking to change, evolve and grow.

I don’t take myself too seriously and I bring a light and positive energy to my work. When I’m not coaching, I love reading and learning about anything to do with the human experience. I am also super active and movement is a big part of my life - running, swimming, strength training, doing yoga or enjoying being out with my dogs.