Episode 19
Why human connection in the workplace matters with Lianne Weaver
The Importance of Real Human Connection in the Workplace
Introduction: In this episode, we explore the vital theme of real human connection and its profound impact on both individuals and teams. My guest, Lianne Weaver, shares her insights on the evolving landscape of workplace dynamics, touching on issues of disconnection, loneliness, and the changing nature of training.
Key Themes:
- Disconnection in the Workplace:
- Lianne kicks off the conversation by narrating her personal story, shedding light on the pervasive issue of disconnection in the workplace.
- The discussion revolves around the importance of self-awareness and how individuals respond to it—whether it becomes a catalyst for personal growth or a barrier that keeps them stuck.
- Responsibility vs. Fault:
- A crucial point emerges regarding the distinction between responsibility and fault. The conversation explores the concept of post-traumatic growth and the choices people make in the face of challenges.
- Lianne shares her expertise in guiding individuals on what to do once they become self-aware, emphasizing the development of resilience and anti-fragility.
- Leadership Challenges:
- The conversation takes a closer look at the biggest problems in the workplace, with a particular focus on leadership.
- Sal & Lianne discuss what is missing in leadership and the root causes of workplace issues.
Personal Experience and Effects:
- The discussion delves into the personal experiences of individuals in the workplace, examining the effects of loneliness and disconnection.
- Lianne introduces the concept of personifying problems and highlights the role of connection in shifting focus from oneself.
Practical Solutions:
- Demonstrate Don't Broadcast:
- A key takeaway for leaders is the importance of leading by example. The hosts discuss the impact of modeling behavior for others to follow.
- Recovery Breaks:
- Lianne shares research findings on internal and external recovery, emphasizing the significance of mental rest along with physical rest.
- The discussion touches on practical strategies like recovery breaks and the importance of incorporating activities that induce a flow state.
- Employee/Team Member Perspective:
- Sal & Lianne explore the perspective of employees and team members, advocating for self-reliance and setting firm boundaries.
- Attention residue is discussed, highlighting the challenge of being fully present and the importance of declaring a mental "shutdown" at the end of the workday.
Steps to Foster Human Connection:
- Daily Human Contact:
- Sal & Lianne stress the importance of daily human contact, even if it's a brief interaction at a local shop.
- Being Fully Present:
- Being fully present is identified as a critical factor in fostering real human connection.
- Effective Communication:
- The episode concludes with a discussion on communication styles, urging listeners to reflect on their communication habits and practice the pause for meaningful conversations.
- Lianne's go-to strategies, "And then what?" and focusing on the breath, are highlighted as powerful tools to take actionable steps toward improving human connection.
A note on distraction.
- It takes an average of about 25 minutes (23 minutes and 15 seconds, to be exact) to return to the original task after an interruption, according to Gloria Mark, at the University of California, Irvine.
Join us in this thought-provoking exploration of why real human connection matters in the workplace and how we can actively cultivate it for a more fulfilling and productive professional life.
Get in touch with Lianne
Head to Lianne's website - Beam Training to learn more.
Get in touch with Sal
If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you
Transcript
Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement, a systemic approach to human
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:behavior, performance, and well being.
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:Our psychological, emotional, and
physical health are all connected,
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:and my guests and I endeavor to share
knowledge, strategies, and tools for
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:you to enrich your life and work.
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:hello and welcome.
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:Today I have a guest, uh, Leanne who's
joining me to discuss something really
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:important and very salient at the
moment, which is why human connection
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:in the workplace really matters.
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:Now, Leanne is, she does
a multitude of things.
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:She's an author, a speaker, a trainer.
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:She's worked with therapeutic work.
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:Now she runs a company called Beam.
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:Reset.
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:It's a problem when you read stuff.
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:All right.
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:Resetting at 30 seconds.
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:Hello and welcome.
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:Today I am joining.
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:It's like she just doesn't work.
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:Okay, reset.
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:40 seconds.
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:Hello and welcome.
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:Today, we are looking at why real human
connection in the workplace matters.
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:I'm joined by my guest Leanne Weaver,
and Leanne is an author, speaker,
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:trainer, and therapeutic coach.
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:Now, she's the MD of BEAM training and
development, and they work with wellbeing,
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:personal development, and coaching,
both for people and organizations.
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:Now, Leanne's also an author.
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:She's done some amazing books.
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:Radical Self Care, Interrupting
Anxiety, Ten Steps to Less
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:Anxiety and Stress at Work.
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:So Leanne is a specialist in this
field and I'm really excited to talk
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:to Leanne to get her perspective.
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:And to share with you why human
connection in the workplace matters.
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:This is such a salient point.
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:Ever since the pandemic, as most of
us know, we've, we've shifted, things
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:have shifted some for the better, some
for the worse, but one thing that both
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:Leanne and myself are seeing is there's
a division sometimes in the human
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:connection side between people and there
are issues that are coming up with this
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:and we're going to cover these today.
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:Let's welcome Leanne.
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:to see you Leanne.
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:Hey.
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:Good
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:Lianne Weaver: Sal.
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:Thank you for having me.
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:Sal Jefferies: Pleasure.
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:Leanne, I would like to get some
context and understand, I know your
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:work to some degree, but for for all
of us, can you take us a little bit
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:deeper in how you're working with this
space of, you know, human development,
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:personal development, and, and take
us a bit deeper into how you got here.
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:Lianne Weaver: Okay.
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:So, um, my journey, like
many people is really varied.
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:So certainly if I look back
at kind of 18 year old me.
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:She wouldn't have even imagined that what
I'm doing now was even an option, let
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:alone, you know, me being able to do it.
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:So I did a degree in educational
psychology, really loved understanding
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:pedagogy and the human psyche.
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:And at that point I thought
I wanted to do play therapy.
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:So, working with children who were
struggling through the medium of play.
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:I did a course on play therapy after I
graduated, but I got a mortgage at 18.
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:So, I mean, that's kind of giving
my age away because, you know, you
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:can't get a mortgage at 18 anymore.
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:But it was in the glory days
of houses being much more
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:affordable, and I bought a house.
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:And I had a mortgage to pay, so
once I graduated, I also just
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:needed to work and earn money.
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:So I went into a finance company, and
they sponsored me to do a postgrad in HRM.
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:So, really enjoyed that, enjoyed
again working with people,
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:understanding what makes them tick.
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:Did a lot of training as well.
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:And I worked for an MD who I
can only really describe as...
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:It's really inappropriate.
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:He was every kind of ist that there was.
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:This was kind of 20 odd years ago.
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:And he took me for lunch one day and he
said, Leanne, you've got a really bright
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:future here, just don't get pregnant.
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:Yes.
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:Sal Jefferies: that is, I
mean, to say inappropriate
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:doesn't even cut it, does it?
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:Gosh.
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:Lianne Weaver: And as irony would
have it, little did I know at
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:that exact lunch, I was pregnant.
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:So I don't...
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:Sal Jefferies: I'm chuckling
because it is a delicious
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:irony, isn't It Like, how
did you deal with that?
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:Lianne Weaver: kept it
quiet for quite a while.
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:Um, was really kind of...
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:I felt like I was in a
kind of no win situation.
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:I was working sort of 14 hour days.
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:It was all very career focused and drive.
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:And I also had all of those
maternal instincts kicking in
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:of, I want to be a mom and I want
to stay at home with my child.
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:And, and so I decided that once I
had my daughter in my naivety, cause
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:I was quite young, I thought, well,
I'll take a year out of work, and
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:then after a year, kids are fairly
self sufficient, was my naive thought.
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:So I did that and pretty soon
realized that that wasn't the case.
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:And so I started to look
at going back into HR.
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:In those days, the idea of
doing HR flexibly or from home
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:was just, you can't do that.
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:You have to be where the people are.
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:It was very people centric.
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:And so I.
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:Thought, okay, well I need to walk
away from that career and just
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:do something to bring money in.
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:So for a few years, while my daughter
was little, I did things like telephone
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:appointment maker and um, I held candle
parties where you buy loads of candles
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:and you try and flog them to your mates.
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:Anything really to just
bring in extra money.
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:And then I thought again, my second bit
of naivety, once she goes to school,
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:I'll be able to get back into my career.
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:Once she went to school, she had 13
weeks holiday, they get ill all the time
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:when they first start school, you've
only got 9 till 3 anyways, a window.
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:So, that was the second kind of
turning point for me and I decided
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:that I needed to retrain in a career
that would be much more flexible.
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:And I did what I think most of us have
done at some point in our lives, and it
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:usually backfires, is I did the sensible
thing, rather than anything my heart or
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:my gut was telling me, and the sensible
thing was I decided to study bookkeeping.
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:because I could be a bookkeeper
from home and work it around.
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:I did that.
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:I'm really good at learning, Sal.
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:Like, I'm, I'm, I'm an avid learner,
avid reader, and I'm good at kind of
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:absorbing and assimilating information.
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:However, I hated doing bookkeeping but
I carried on and so I did the accounting
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:technician exams as well and I became
an accountant and I set up a bookkeeping
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:and accountancy practice and I would
have clients come into me and they would
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:tell me about the argument they'd had
with their wife or the troubles they
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:were having with their kids or the
worries they had with their money and
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:I would sit for hours and help them.
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:Which made me quite popular as an
accountant because I was really helpful.
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:But it actually didn't make me popular
with a bank manager because that
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:doesn't earn you money as an accountant.
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:So I did pretty much everything I could
to avoid putting numbers in boxes.
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:And I just wanted to be around people.
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:That then, um, made me realise
that this just wasn't for me.
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:I felt a real kind of
heaviness in my body.
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:I could feel that I wasn't
doing what I meant to do.
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:And I made a big life change in 2010.
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:And I stacked away from
pretty much everything.
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:And decided that I was going to retrain.
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:And the thing that had always excited
me was understanding and helping people.
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:So I retrained in, initially,
holistic therapies.
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:So I did things like my Reiki,
um, I did aromatherapy, I did
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:massage, things like that.
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:And I set up a holistic therapy practice.
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:And that holistic therapy practice,
I quickly realised that, again,
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:people love talking to me.
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:And I didn't particularly like
touching strangers and I much
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:preferred talking to them.
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:And so I started to
study talking therapies.
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:So hypnotherapy, EFT, coaching,
um, meditation teacher.
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:And I started to use that and I got
asked to go into companies to speak.
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:And I did that and the first company
I spoke at, it went down really well.
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:And then the man who'd organized
it came up to me at the end
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:and said, that was brilliant.
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:Do you run courses?
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:And I went,
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:Sal Jefferies: Of course I
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:do.
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:Lianne Weaver: And so he said, great.
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:Email me details of your
courses when you get back home.
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:I thought, okay.
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:So I very quickly sent him
the brief of three courses.
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:they were all going to be the same.
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:He picked the middle one, obviously,
and invited me in and that was a
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:six week course on resilience and I
went and I delivered that and it had
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:amazing feedback and really positive
results and that basically just grew
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:and over the last decade or so I've
I've grown that business from just a
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:sole trader into a limited company.
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:Last year we worked in 43
countries, delivering training
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:in person, online and e learning.
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:I still do one to one therapies as
well, I've learnt lots of additional
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:therapies since then, so I use things
like Havening, a lot of breathwork
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:as well, we love breathwork at Beam.
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:And I brought my husband
into the business.
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:So, um.
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:It got to a stage in 2019 where
the business had grown quite a lot.
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:I had some associate trainers, but I was
getting through a stage where I had to
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:make a decision of, do I carry on training
myself or do I manage the business?
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:And the training bit is
the bit that lights me up.
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:Managing the business is like...
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:I just need to do it.
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:Tom at the time was a project
manager, his contract was coming to
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:an end and I was thinking well this
kind of might be perfect timing.
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:So he went from project managing
in construction to project managing
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:at BEAM and then over the last four
years he's re skilled as well so he's
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:an NLP practitioner, timeline coach,
breathwork, things like that as well.
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:And so we, we run this
together and our mission is.
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:It doesn't matter if we're having, you
know, a one to one therapy session,
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:if I'm speaking to hundreds of people
on stage, the mission is always
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:that we give people tools to help
them feel better at the end of it.
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:Really practical tools, so the
books I've written are very
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:tool focused books as well.
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:Yes.
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:Sal Jefferies: Wow.
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:That's a, that's a,
that's a, what a journey.
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:And thank you for sharing.
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:It's really nice to hear because a lot
of my listeners will be some of the
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:business owners and professionals, some
are kind of moving into that space.
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:And it's so curious, isn't it?
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:When we're younger or perhaps naive
for whatever reason that we don't
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:know options are available and.
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:and.
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:we do the obvious things
such as go steady, be safe.
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:And there's a place for that.
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:Let's, let's not throw that out.
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:But sometimes there's
that rub, isn't there?
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:When something doesn't feel
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:right.
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:You're a bookkeeper and you want
to be working with people and, and
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:intriguing your body spoke to you.
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:I mean, I work with the body a lot in
my practice of personal development.
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:what our body feels and says
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:somatically and all those
sensations gives us feedback.
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:It's so important we listen.
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:Um, cause otherwise it can scream.
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:So I'm delighted to
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:Lianne Weaver: Well, I've had both.
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:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, yeah, me too.
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:And it's actually vital.
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:Now, of course, that's given
you a beautiful eclectic
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:understanding of people.
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:It sounds like you're already
experienced with, um, An IST
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:boss was, uh, quite negative, but as with
a lot of negative things, we learn, right?
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:You learn, okay, that's not how you do
things, that's not how you conduct stuff.
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:And people, uh, we vibe, literally, we
have vibrations, as you're probably well
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:aware, and how we are resonating, our
mental state, emotional state, physical
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:state, that absolutely impacts people.
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:And if we don't take care of that...
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:if our mind is one of fear, one of,
um, uh, selfishness, whatever that
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:might be, that's going to affect
your colleagues, your, your team,
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:your coworkers, whatever that is.
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:And this is vital.
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:Now, of course, you have so much
experience with, with delivering
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:all these pieces of work into, into
organizations, into groups of people.
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:When we think about human
connection, which is really what
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:we're sort of pulling in here, you.
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:Clearly have seen human connection is
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:vital.
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:Um, I wonder if you can give me an
example of when you've seen, uh,
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:in more recent times following the
pandemic, where a lack of human
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:connection, what, what's that causing?
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:What are you seeing from that side of
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:Lianne Weaver: I think that the challenge
is certainly since the pandemic.
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:So if I just go back a
little bit to the pandemic.
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:So when the pandemic hit, we had pretty
much:
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:And almost in 24 hours,
that just fell apart.
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:as it did with many people.
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:And for two months we just put loads
of free content out on our social media
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:and newsletters just trying to support
people through what we thought at
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:that point was a temporary situation.
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:It soon became apparent
it wasn't temporary.
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:And then we were the
busiest we've ever been.
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:We had companies from all around the
world contacting us saying we need
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:to support our employees, they're
working from home, they're isolated.
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:And so we were doing training courses on
Teams and Zoom throughout the entire time.
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:What I think I see now is now we've moved
into this sort of hybrid model of working
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:and there, as you said at the beginning,
there's a lot of benefits with that.
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:There's um, you know, I can do a call
and then I finish the call and I can go
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:and put some washing out or I can be with
my dog or I can have a phone call in Sri
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:Lanka but I'm sat at home in my slippers.
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:You know, there's some real benefits.
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:However, The biggest drawback that I
see is our lack of social connection.
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:So what I'm seeing at the moment is
a lot of businesses are absolutely
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:facing financial restraints.
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:Um, that didn't seem to be as much of an
issue right in the middle of the pandemic.
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:And so training, particularly in
what is still unfortunately termed
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:soft skills, is one of the first
things that kind of gets devalued.
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:And so a lot of companies that we've
worked with since the pandemic,
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:I'm having them say to me things
like, well, we're going to just
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:have an e learning module on stress.
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:We're going to have an e learning
module on managing boundaries.
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:And absolutely, we offer e learning and
there are real benefits to that, but what
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:it will not do is give that person who's
struggling an opportunity to speak up.
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:It will not give that person who's
struggling the opportunity to see
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:other people are struggling as well.
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:And so that kind of learning, whilst
it has its place in terms of heavier
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:subjects like stress, anxiety,
confidence, imposter syndrome, can
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:make people feel even more isolated.
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:And so what we see from BEAM is that
there's unfortunately this movement
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:from let's put employee well being
front and center to, well, you know,
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:this is the way we're living now.
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:Everyone has to manage
this hybrid working.
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:And so it isn't seen as much as a
priority because the pandemic is over.
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:So.
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:Come on, get on with it.
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:But actually, certainly from my
therapy room as well, what I'm seeing
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:is people are feeling the impact now.
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:The stress levels, the anxiety levels are
higher now than I have ever experienced
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:through my career of doing this.
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:And that's across the board.
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:I have young people all
the way up to retirement.
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:that are feeling that stress, and in my
experience, one of the biggest reasons
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:that we will feel that stress and
anxiety is we've become disconnected.
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:And the more time I have on my own,
the more I spend with my head, the more
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:of a miserable place it's gonna be.
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:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, I echo that.
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:Uh, everything you've said there,
it's, it's, it's not a surprise to me.
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:I know we work in slightly
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:different perspective spaces.
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:Uh, so mine is much more with leaders
and single individual coaching.
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:Yours is much more groups, but
they're human beings, right?
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:And they're delivering
something in some work context.
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:So the similarity is still pretty close.
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:And It seems, in my respect, to echo what
you said, that it's disconnection, which
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:is, in some ways, is obvious, like when
we're, most of us are, we don't have to
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:be a psychologist to know this, right?
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:You don't have to, like, years and
years of trying to, where we feel
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:disconnected, things don't work.
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:We are meant to be connected.
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:You know, if you fall out with a partner
or a family member, it doesn't feel nice.
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:It's a simple example of that.
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:And then if you work in an isolated
space, You are bang on to something, Leon.
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:This is something I've seen with people
who spend way too much time in their
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:head because they're highly intelligent.
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:They have high cognitive
processing and that disconnect,
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:what I'm seeing is from the head
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:to the body.
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:So some or from their emotions
to their beliefs and whatever
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:those disconnects are.
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:And it's causing a problem.
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:I'm fascinated that you've seen something
which I've seen in a slightly different
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:space, but how the effects of the pandemic
are actually sort of happening now,
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:rather than right after, which is no
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:surprise.
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:You know, it's like the ripple
effect that, um, or you could
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:even call it a global trauma
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:effect.
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:Yeah.
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:And to, um, be clear on what I mean
by trauma, that something happened.
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:We didn't feel control.
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:Most of us felt helpless to some degree.
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:And for a lot of human systems
that can trigger our nervous
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:system into a trauma free state.
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:Like I can't do anything.
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:So I'm stuck.
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:Now, I've seen the cases and you might've
seen it where we've seen post traumatic
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:growth where people have really flourished
from this, but there's also then the flip.
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:A lot of people have
really struggled with this.
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:And if we are sitting.
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:in front of a computer,
zooming it up all day, or
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:um, whatever we're doing working
from a, say a remote work situation,
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:that disconnects a big problem
and Yeah, it, it's gonna cause
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:us health problems as well.
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:That's another thing I've seen is
that if we are disconnected from
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:other people, whether it's our
colleagues or family, we then start
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:to become unwell and it's easy to go
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:inwards.
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:If you're a real big thinker, you're
just like, Oh, I'm not going to
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:go out and I'm going to do this.
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:And, and then we
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:spiral and then we spiral.
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:Now I'm curious.
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:So that's.
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:You know, alarming,
worrying, but we need to name
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:it, right?
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:What's, what's happening
where that's the other way?
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:What, how, how you see impacts
on people you're working with?
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:It's gone the other way and said
that we see this problem as well.
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:What have you been able to do about
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:Lianne Weaver: I think one of the
things, as you were talking there and I
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:completely agree with you and it really
echoes, but one of the things that I have
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:had conversations about with clients a
Certainly, I would say since:
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:which is where it was like, okay, this
is our new world now, we've got to
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:kind of step into that, is I have, I
have clients who are incredibly self
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:aware, so they know that they experience
anxiety because of this, they know
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:that they're carrying trauma because
of this, and, and that information
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:is, is really kind of, um, useful.
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:to a point.
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:So what, what I see is
two kinds of people.
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:So I have clients who are incredibly
self aware and then they're taking
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:action to grow, to recognize,
okay, this bad thing happened.
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:Now what do I do with it?
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:But I equally have clients
who are incredibly self
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:aware, but there's no action.
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:So what happens then is that
It almost becomes torture.
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:It's almost better to be ignorant and
not have the awareness that you have
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:trauma or anxiety than to have the
awareness and not know what to do with it.
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:And so, working with clients,
particularly when I work with them
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:on a one to one basis, first and
foremost, if someone comes for therapy,
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:there's a level of self awareness.
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:So, they, they kind of recognize
they're struggling, so.
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:They have that.
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:It's them recognizing, okay, so do
you have a toolkit and a desire and
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:intent to move forward from this?
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:Or actually, is this self awareness?
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:Making you more miserable and
driving you to almost have
389
:excuses for your lack of growth.
390
:And what this comes down to is a phrase
that I use so often in therapy, is
391
:we have to recognize the difference
between fault and responsibility.
392
:So all of us have had terrible
things happen throughout our lives
393
:which absolutely are not our fault.
394
:And the pandemic is a
great example of that.
395
:It's not our fault.
396
:We experienced that pandemic.
397
:It's not our fault that we
might have had bad parents.
398
:It's not our fault that we might
have been in an abusive relationship.
399
:However, if we stay in the mindset
of, well, I'm like this because this
400
:happened and it wasn't my fault.
401
:We are going to stay a victim
to that experience, potentially
402
:for our entire lives.
403
:If, however, we have the ability
and the awareness to say, this bad
404
:thing happened, it's not my fault,
but it's my responsibility to
405
:decide what I do with it now, that's
when we get post traumatic growth.
406
:That's when we see amazing things
happen, and people really kind
407
:of rising from the ashes and...
408
:It goes beyond resilience, it becomes
this anti fragility, you know.
409
:Resilience is I can take quite a
few bashings before I get broken.
410
:Anti fragility is actually the more
you bash me around, the stronger I get.
411
:And so that is the, the two
kinds of, um, mindsets that I
412
:definitely see on a regular basis.
413
:Sal Jefferies: So my question to you
here is what makes them different?
414
:Lianne Weaver: So...
415
:I think partly it's
knowing what to do next.
416
:So I would say the bit where Beam
definitely always tries to support
417
:people, whether that's in corporate,
whether it's individuals, is sometimes
418
:we just don't know what tools we
need once we've become self aware.
419
:So if I'm aware that I have anxiety
because this bad thing happened 10 years
420
:ago, but then I have no idea what to
do with that, then I'm just aware of it
421
:and I'm still carrying it every day and
it's still a frequent part of my life.
422
:If, however, you can become tooled up.
423
:And learn a plethora.
424
:I mean, I, I can't even imagine over
my years of studying and reading
425
:how many tools I have access to.
426
:And I have learned through my
own experience that this tool
427
:that works really well today
might not work so well tomorrow.
428
:So we need to be really kind
of flexible and have that.
429
:That is what I see in the
difference, which I could kind of
430
:sum up in, it's the resourceful
people that become anti fragile.
431
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah,
that's so interesting.
432
:That's really, really interesting.
433
:Now, I'm very, very self aware.
434
:I'm also an incredibly
sensitive human being.
435
:I'm actually a very strong human being
and because we sometimes were labeled
436
:sensitive, uh, with negative connotations.
437
:So let's use a different word.
438
:So highly responsive.
439
:I have a highly responsive nervous system
to what happens within my mind and body
440
:and what happens in my environment around
me, which means Uh, I have to be super
441
:mindful of what I'm doing because that
makes you very good as a coach because
442
:I can really dial in with people.
443
:It makes it really difficult in
certain scenarios like busy spaces,
444
:lots of, um, visual content, stuff
like that absolutely overwhelms me.
445
:So we have to be mindful, don't we,
about the different types of people.
446
:Self awareness is the first step.
447
:Um, understanding the
distinction between fault.
448
:Blame, let's say, the victim archetype
one can take, and then responsibility,
449
:understanding, and a desire to move
forward, perhaps, whatever archetype
450
:we're going to call that, you know,
the person who takes action, the
451
:person who, who chooses to change,
what I find really interesting, and,
452
:and, and a bouncer phrase to you,
um, I see psychological homeostasis.
453
:So homeostasis is our body's natural
state that it rebalances and you
454
:know, the blood chemistry and all
that keeps it, keeps it steady.
455
:What I've noticed is that a lot
of people can get in psychological
456
:homeostasis and it becomes our identity.
457
:You know, I've got anxiety,
which by the way is incorrect.
458
:There's no such thing as anxiety.
459
:It's an experience.
460
:It's a moving.
461
:Neurological, Psycho, Immuno,
Psycho, Neurological, Immuno,
462
:Biological, Biological thing.
463
:It's all this stuff going on, but
actually if we start labeling like
464
:I'm an anxious person or um, you know,
uh, I'm a stressed worker, we start
465
:to become an identity connection or
have an identity connection to it.
466
:And I do wonder if this is some of the,
some of the stickiness of these problems
467
:that I see with when, when helping people
with change and maybe you'll see them.
468
:So if we've got someone who's.
469
:Who, who's not the resourceful
one who's coming to you or your
470
:organization or coming to me and say,
Hey, look, I need to work on this.
471
:What about the person or leader
who's, who knows there's anxiety,
472
:knows there's stress, knows there
are problems, but isn't shifting?
473
:How would you address that?
474
:Lianne Weaver: So, I think, first of all,
your point about sort of personifying
475
:a condition, it's something that I
tell people so often, we're so quick
476
:to sort of talk about my anxiety,
my stress, and as soon as you take
477
:ownership of it, Now I have to care
for it, now I have to have it, I have
478
:to feed it, I have to look after it.
479
:And so, I completely agree with that
and, you know, I'll often explain to
480
:clients, you know, our emotions are
electrochemical reactions and our brain
481
:can get addicted to the same thing.
482
:So if every morning I wake up
and I get a hit of anxiety, well,
483
:all my brain cares about is that
I'm alive at the end of the day.
484
:So if I've survived yesterday...
485
:Then it makes sense for my brain
to give me a hit of anxiety
486
:today, so I can survive today.
487
:It doesn't care if that makes
me miserable, or unhappy, or
488
:stressed, or uncomfortable.
489
:It cares that I'm alive
at the end of the day.
490
:So, um, kind of recognizing that cycle
and that addictive pattern of, of
491
:those emotions is really important.
492
:So I just wanted to pick up on that.
493
:In terms of, um, sorry, go
back to your question, Sal.
494
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah.
495
:So when we, when we sort of call that
out, that can be happening for many of us.
496
:So we don't want to start
saying this is right or wrong.
497
:This simply
498
:is, if this
499
:is what's going on for you and you're
like, Oh, that sounds familiar.
500
:You know, I'm having anxiety.
501
:I am stressed.
502
:Uh, I've got issues at work and within
my business, but I'm not doing anything.
503
:And I think there's the rub is it's the,
but I'm not doing anything to change this.
504
:So.
505
:When we think about human connection,
so understanding how we function, of
506
:course, absolutely vital, but human
connection, how does that play in?
507
:So some of the work you've, you've
been doing with your training and
508
:bringing people together and the things
you've been doing, how does the human
509
:connection side then address this,
perhaps this sticky point that we
510
:may need to
511
:Lianne Weaver: I mean, in the most
simplistic form, when we are connected
512
:to other humans, we're not focused
on ourselves as much . So, you know,
513
:when during, um, the pandemic Tom and
I created, um, a movement called the
514
:Social Medicine, which was specifically
designed to help people who were
515
:experiencing loneliness, and we ran
free events and things like that for it.
516
:When I talk to people about loneliness and
I did speeches on it and things like that,
517
:essentially I can sum it up in one thing.
518
:The antidote to loneliness
is help someone else.
519
:That, that's it.
520
:That's what it needs.
521
:If I say the antidote to being hungry
is eating a bit of food, the antidote
522
:to loneliness is helping someone else.
523
:So the second we are not so
insular and isolated, and we
524
:have to consider the needs of the
tribe, if you like, the community.
525
:Then I'm not sat thinking about what's
wrong with me, what's going on in my head.
526
:Oh no, I've had more negative thoughts.
527
:What about that problem?
528
:Could it get worse?
529
:I'm now considering the whole.
530
:So simply, you know, from, if
we look at, say, a workshop,
531
:absolutely, we, we'd still do the
majority of our training online.
532
:Because that's the world that we're in.
533
:But the difference in when we get
the people in the room, And they look
534
:at each other and they're more open
to asking questions and more open to
535
:saying, Yeah, I know what that's like.
536
:When we're running workshops with people
and they're physically in the room.
537
:Something so much more amazing happens
because people are looking at each
538
:other's faces so even looking across
to your colleague and seeing them nod
539
:at a point is reassurance that I'm not
alone, someone else feels like that.
540
:People are far more likely to
interact and ask questions in
541
:the room rather than online.
542
:So you hear another colleague say, oh
I've been struggling with stress and...
543
:This is what helps me.
544
:We get the opportunity
to share best practice.
545
:I'm there as the facilitator and the
trainer, but there is a wealth of
546
:experience in every training room I'm
in, and getting people to share that,
547
:getting people to understand behaviors.
548
:If we take stress, for example, whenever
I train on stress, I talk about our
549
:five key stress responses, which are
faint, freeze, fight, flight, and fawn.
550
:And then I transfer those into
how that looks in the office.
551
:So, okay, we don't tend to faint
that much, but freeze looks
552
:a lot like procrastination.
553
:Fight looks a lot like that difficult
person that just won't help you.
554
:Fawn looks a lot like people pleasing,
and flight looks a lot like avoidance,
555
:the person who phones in sick or has
all of a sudden got an emergency.
556
:And when you start to...
557
:Have these conversations in a room
full of people, you can all of a sudden
558
:recognise that that colleague that
has perhaps been driving you crazy
559
:because they're always procrastinating,
needs a bit of help and support.
560
:They're actually stressed.
561
:That colleague that drives you crazy
because you feel like they're a creep
562
:and they're always people pleasing.
563
:is actually stressed.
564
:And those sorts of conversations
are a lot harder to have when
565
:we're having them online.
566
:It's a lot harder for
us to, to be that open.
567
:Sal Jefferies: Yeah, that's, that's
lovely, really lovely, lovely
568
:articulation of both those neural states
that we go through and perhaps those
569
:what, what that actually looks like.
570
:And, you know, for me, some of
this feels like it's pulling
571
:the veil down, doesn't it?
572
:Rather than the label.
573
:And you've already named this
earlier about, you know, labelling.
574
:Labelling can either box
you in or set you free.
575
:And, and there are various
reasons why that happens, but
576
:I can't do this because of X.
577
:It means you've labelled and boxed in.
578
:I have this condition, or I feel
stressed when, but I need Why?
579
:That sets you free
because you understand it.
580
:But what you've described there
was really, uh, I think really
581
:poignant because if you're trying
to understand it in the context of,
582
:well, what's it like in my workspace?
583
:What's it like with my team?
584
:Then it becomes not a label.
585
:But a processor.
586
:Oh, so that person keeps saying yes to
everything, but they're not delivering.
587
:Maybe they're fawning a
588
:bit.
589
:Maybe we should have a chat to
them and say, Are you all right?
590
:You know, you're under it at the moment.
591
:And of course, there's that
distinction about opening up
592
:the connection, isn't there?
593
:That allows connection.
594
:For me, it feels like it
creates permission because it
595
:creates the conduit to happen.
596
:We are, um, I mean, I love remote
communications because it allows us
597
:to do so many things, but we have
to see the short side of this stuff.
598
:When we're in a room with someone, of
course, we have more peripheral vision.
599
:You see out the corners of your eyes.
600
:We see body language, you know, whether
it's a tapping foot or someone breathing.
601
:And even if we don't know, on some
level our brain registers micro
602
:expressions and all this kind of stuff.
603
:So, if we run a low resolution
screen with a bit of a head,
604
:a floating head, then it's
quite hard to do that.
605
:And I think this is one of the
things where we need to be very
606
:careful, whether we are a trainer,
Uh, whether we are a company or a
607
:leader, getting people in the space of
608
:growth and understand why we have
problems such as the classics, stress,
609
:pressure, burnout, overwork, all
the things that people are having
610
:to deal with, which are negative.
611
:Then realizing that as simple
as it sounds, isn't it a simple,
612
:but we need to get together.
613
:We need to have a
614
:conversation and be in a room.
615
:Maybe you feel someone's
skin by shaking a hand.
616
:Um, literally hear the reverberance of
voice around the room, this sort of stuff.
617
:And it's easy to forget, and I think
it's easy to forget, and I really
618
:want to get your view on this.
619
:I've got, uh, I'll alias this person, Joe.
620
:Joe runs a media company,
uh, super successful.
621
:They have a whole lot going on, and she
has a bunch of fellow directors as well.
622
:They have so many pressures, and in
my coaching space, it's like unloading
623
:that stuff, working it through.
624
:One of the biggest things
is there's no time to think.
625
:There's no space and of course in
a coaching capacity or a training
626
:capacity, hopefully that that
person has space and and it.
627
:And I hold up the mirror.
628
:I'm just like, look, you're
running a hundred miles an hour.
629
:And that's great.
630
:You know, if you want to build
this business, you're going
631
:to have to go at it hard.
632
:But if there is no space to literally
breathe, to think, to process, and
633
:you're the leadership, you run this ship.
634
:How do you think your team of how,
how do you think that's all going?
635
:And of course they have remote people and
all over the place and they have problems.
636
:They have disconnect in
their, in organization.
637
:And this particular person
is doing very, very well.
638
:bringing connection back
because they're bringing social
639
:events back.
640
:They're bringing connection.
641
:So getting people back into the
office for even a day a week.
642
:Um, so that's something I've seen for
one of the leaders I coach around how
643
:they're making changes with connection.
644
:Now we've spoken a little bit
around the context and stuff.
645
:If I let's get a viewpoint from a
leader's perspective and perhaps, uh,
646
:uh, an employee or team perspective,
because I think wherever we sit in
647
:that space, it's good to see the other.
648
:If you're.
649
:If a leader comes to you and says look
we've got a whole bunch of challenges
650
:with my team, my business and stresses,
the things you've already spoken of,
651
:how or rather what to start making the
changes, you know, whether it's the type
652
:of training, the type of conversation,
what's the first step you would, you
653
:would encourage them to do and to
654
:Lianne Weaver: So the very first step
I'd get them to do is similar to what
655
:you just said with your example in
that a phrase again that I use quite
656
:often is demonstrate, don't broadcast.
657
:So it's all very well if the leader is
saying, right, we need to connect, we
658
:need to do this, you need to like take
some well being time off or whatever.
659
:But if we're not demonstrating
that as a leader.
660
:Then, we're human beings, we
mimic behavior, we do what
661
:people do, not what people say.
662
:So, Demonstrate Don't Broadcast is
something I learned years and years
663
:ago, it's something I try and live by.
664
:When you, um, are going through any
sort of change or personal development
665
:or growth, our tendency is to try and
drag the people we love along with us.
666
:And say, I found this amazing
thing, you need to do it too.
667
:And one thing most of us hate is someone
telling us that we need to change.
668
:Sal Jefferies: Tell
669
:us what to do, absolutely.
670
:Dude, don't tell
671
:me what to do.
672
:Lianne Weaver: So, but
if you just show people.
673
:So, something that I talk
about a lot is recovery breaks.
674
:So, for example, with that,
um, Joe that you talked about.
675
:So, there was research conducted by
someone called Sean Acor in the States,
676
:and they found that, almost without
exception, people that reached clinical
677
:burnout didn't take recovery breaks.
678
:However, when people take
recovery breaks, they can produce
679
:and persist so much longer.
680
:than someone who doesn't.
681
:And it's defined in two ways.
682
:So a recovery break is internal
recovery and external recovery.
683
:So internal recovery is working with our
ultradium rhythms, which is the kind of
684
:energy and pattern of our brainwaves.
685
:And our brains can only perform at a
maximum level for about 90 minutes.
686
:And after 90 minutes we become
sluggish, forgetful, it's just harder.
687
:They found that if we take even something
as short as a 3 5 minute break every
688
:90 minutes, where we use our brain in
a different way, so we perhaps step
689
:away from the computer and we do some
breathing exercises, or we play with the
690
:dog, or we even play in a game on your
phone, you know, something totally that
691
:is using your brain in a different way.
692
:When we come back, we're refreshed
and we're able to produce more
693
:and produce better quality.
694
:And then there's um, external recovery.
695
:And external recovery is taking
a 60 to 90 minute break at the
696
:end of a mentally taxing period.
697
:And so if, for example, you've had a
really challenging day at work, It's
698
:having 60 to 90 minutes to decompress, so
essentially it's anything that gets us in
699
:this wonderful flow state, so exercise,
music, creativity, cooking, gardening,
700
:anything that gets us into that flow state
where we're using our brain in a different
701
:way, gives us the opportunity to recover.
702
:And to recharge.
703
:And I think one of the things that I
see in all people, not just leaders,
704
:but certainly those leaders that
feel the demands and pressure is
705
:they think that rest is recovery.
706
:And rest is not recovery.
707
:So they've had a challenging week and
so they decide to just lay on the sofa
708
:watching Netflix all weekend, you know,
and it comes up with that message checking
709
:you're still alive and you're just like,
yep, another box set, another box set.
710
:The problem with that is that's physical,
because I can be laying on the sofa
711
:watching box set after box set, but
that doesn't mean my brain is resting.
712
:I'm physically resting.
713
:Recovery is about mentally resting.
714
:So it's about using our brain
in a different way that gives
715
:it the opportunity to just, it's
kind of like doing exercise.
716
:If you go to the gym and all
you do is squats, you're going
717
:to do more harm than good.
718
:It's using different parts of the brain.
719
:So I would say demonstrate,
don't broadcast.
720
:And the first thing you demonstrate
is taking recovery breaks and
721
:encouraging your team to do that.
722
:Sal Jefferies: What absolute gold.
723
:I mean, it's absolute gold.
724
:Uh, I too have studied the, um, ultradium,
circadian, all the rhythms of the body.
725
:And I, I basically do a coaching
process with, uh, time and how to be
726
:most effective with some of my people
I coach, because we have these rhythms.
727
:But to echo what you said, It was Dr.
728
:Ernest Rossi.
729
:I studied under someone who studied
under him and he did a lot of work
730
:in this in the therapeutic context
and noticed that most people
731
:benefit from a 90 minute session,
not an hour in coaching or therapy.
732
:He was particularly around therapy and
our brain actually goes into the waves.
733
:So if you're interested in brain
waves, they actually change
734
:into a almost trance y state.
735
:So this is an absolute must.
736
:And I'm just going to push this forward
because if we're doing a back to
737
:back meetings, back to back sessions,
and we haven't had a recovery break,
738
:the system doesn't work that way.
739
:And you can't beat the system
because it will break, and the
740
:system is your brain and your body.
741
:Don't try and beat it, work with it.
742
:That's again, I would echo that.
743
:That's starting to reconnect as well.
744
:That, and the theme of reconnection,
that's finding reconnection.
745
:And, well, my go to is movement.
746
:Yeah, okay, I move all the time,
I push this, I'm like, look,
747
:everyone's gotta move because
of all these different things.
748
:Um, but if we are in our head
a lot, if you are very...
749
:analytic, cognitive person.
750
:If you have a knowledge worker, if
you're a knowledge worker of sorts, and
751
:a lot of people I've worked with are,
and you know, we're doing knowledge
752
:work now into some degree, shift your
awareness and your experience and
753
:your energy into a different work.
754
:So nothing beats, and I love doing
heavyweights and something like that,
755
:nothing beats going into the body and
working there or connecting there.
756
:And you're right, you know, disconnecting
with whether it's alcohol, whether
757
:it's TV, you're still being stimulated
758
:mentally.
759
:Yeah, so basically it's, it's like
trying to put the fire out with
760
:petrol.
761
:Bad idea.
762
:Yeah, don't do it.
763
:So they're really good thing.
764
:And so interesting that statement
about demonstrate don't What was it?
765
:Please remind me of your phrase?
766
:Demonstrate, Demonstrate, don't broadcast.
767
:Beautiful.
768
:So, so important.
769
:Because for me, that's about self
leadership and self connection.
770
:If you are a leader and you are
not modeling or demonstrating,
771
:as you said, what to do and how
to do it, how can you expect your
772
:colleagues and your team to do it?
773
:You know, this is responsibility,
which you said a little while ago.
774
:This is responsibility number one.
775
:Love that.
776
:Perhaps we could turn our lens of
attention on to if you're an employee
777
:or team member of some kind and Perhaps
you're not at C suite or leadership level.
778
:What's the experience like for that
that person or these people and
779
:How can we build connection that
human connection in that space?
780
:Lianne Weaver: I think one of the
biggest things that I would come to
781
:there is embracing self reliance.
782
:I think a lot of us have
given our power away.
783
:whether that's with our physical health or
our mental health, in expecting, well, if
784
:it breaks, I can take a tablet to fix it.
785
:Or if there's a problem at
work, I can go to HR to fix it.
786
:And of course we have those systems
in place when we really need them.
787
:But a lot of the time, we
have the solutions within us.
788
:So instead of waiting for permission
to take a break, Set those boundaries
789
:in place that this is what I do.
790
:I, I do not have my lunch at my desk.
791
:I, I always finish by XPM.
792
:And setting those, we, we run a course
on, um, home and work boundaries.
793
:And we talk about how, um, I don't know
if you've read Cal Newport's Deep Work.
794
:It's a brilliant book.
795
:Really, really good book.
796
:And he talks about
setting firm boundaries.
797
:And when he finishes the day...
798
:He literally has a shutdown process,
which is, he writes, um, a to do
799
:list ready for the next day so
everything's out of his brain.
800
:He writes that to do list, and then
the very last thing he does is he
801
:shuts down his computer and out
loud he says, Shut down complete.
802
:So there's this constant
trigger that that's it.
803
:I'm not stepping away from my computer
and then picking up my phone to
804
:check my emails in an hour's time.
805
:I'm not stepping away from my computer and
eating a meal with my kids and thinking
806
:about the project I've got to do tomorrow.
807
:It's having that all
on, all off mentality.
808
:And one of the biggest...
809
:impacts of stress in the workplace
is this kind of attention residue
810
:that we're never all on or all off.
811
:And working from home particularly,
whilst I see loads of benefits,
812
:it has that negative of if I'm sat
here and I'm working, But then I'm
813
:thinking, well the sky's cleared
up, I could put some washing out.
814
:As simple as that little thought
is, it's not causing me stress,
815
:it's taking my attention away.
816
:So now I have a bit of
attention on my washing.
817
:So I'm not fully on with my work.
818
:And so again, going back to these 90
minute cycles, what's useful is to say,
819
:right, for 90 minutes, my phone is out
of the way, I'm focusing on this, and
820
:then I'm going to give myself a break.
821
:And you will get so much more done.
822
:in a much healthier way than
if you're zipping in and out.
823
:Equally, how many of us will have
finished work and we're with our
824
:family, we're doing something enjoyable,
but we're thinking about what we've
825
:got to do the next day with work.
826
:So we haven't got full attention on
our downtime as well as our work time.
827
:Sal Jefferies: Wow, yeah and Attention.
828
:I'm thinking about human connection.
829
:I think about, you know, the kind
of strategies and practicals, but
830
:what you've just said has given me a
831
:shiver because if we don't have our
attention with our colleague, our
832
:coworker, um, or at home with our partner
or friends, whoever that be, then we don't
833
:have connection.
834
:It's, it's like the basic,
uh, constituent part.
835
:So we could be in a room together.
836
:Uh, and sadly in today's world, a
lot of people in a room together
837
:staring at a phone.
838
:You know, so they've sold their time
and attention to a tech company,
839
:which is essentially what we've
done, you know, we've handed it
840
:away for free, which is curious.
841
:Unfortunately, it's addictive, it's
cultural, and that's a whole other
842
:podcast, but if we don't have our
attention clean and clear, and you've
843
:got that attention residue, as you
say, then we are already compromising
844
:human connection because of that.
845
:And, and I think it's really nice,
isn't it, to see those processes and
846
:what those things do and how the impact
of, oh, I'll just quickly check email.
847
:No, be with your colleague, go
have some lunch, have a cup of
848
:coffee or talk about a project.
849
:Don't talk about project and email.
850
:It's really curious how we need attention
first and foremost to then make the
851
:glue between people come together.
852
:So that's, that's a really,
uh, I think such a vital point.
853
:Easy to forget
854
:Lianne Weaver: And we're all guilty of it.
855
:You know, there was one study and it
suggested that even just looking at your
856
:phone, so it beeps and you just look at
the screen, you haven't touched it, you
857
:haven't picked it up, it takes 24 minutes
to get back into that flow that you were
858
:Sal Jefferies: I've seen the study.
859
:Yeah,
860
:it's crazy, isn't it?
861
:Uh, I know if, if you, if
anyone is who's just like, what?
862
:So, uh, I'm just trying to
remember which university it is.
863
:Um, it could be Berkeley.
864
:Anyway, we'll, we'll find it and we'll
put it in the show notes, but it's, it
865
:was 23 minutes and something seconds.
866
:So let's round up 24 minutes.
867
:24 minutes.
868
:I don't have 24 minutes to give
away to something unhelpful.
869
:Like, I don't know, let's say an
Instagram alert or whatever it is
870
:unhelpful or someone is coming in because
you haven't got boundaries, then that
871
:starts to put a wedge, doesn't it?
872
:A divide between our attention and
then between our human connection.
873
:So human connection needs,
for me, it needs attention.
874
:It needs focus.
875
:You need to be present with another person
or all your people, whether you're you
876
:know, leader or team, it doesn't matter.
877
:You need to be
878
:present first and foremost to be
fully in the room on that level.
879
:Now, I'd love to get your, your thoughts,
because there's a lot we've covered here.
880
:There's a lot of some strategies,
some, some key salient points that are
881
:go tos that we need to have in place.
882
:Once those are in place, what,
Let's say the most practical steps.
883
:What can someone go away and do
and if you're thinking if you're
884
:whether you're leader or team, right?
885
:We know human connection works.
886
:We know we feel better
and we know the opposite.
887
:What would you suggest there?
888
:What's the some of the steps that
the people can start thinking?
889
:Yep, if I make sure this goes in my
diary and I do it this will bring
890
:human connection and a better working
891
:environment
892
:Lianne Weaver: definitely making
sure you have some human contact,
893
:real contact, even if that's going
to your local shop, you know,
894
:some real human contact every day.
895
:So it's not just this digital contact,
that you can look someone in the eye,
896
:you can, you know, if it's a friend or
something, you can give them a hug or
897
:shake their hand and, and have that.
898
:I think also going back to
that attention and presence.
899
:Giving people the gift
of being fully present.
900
:Now, of course, if it, that is
something that we need to bring
901
:into work, but actually it's
something we need to bring into home.
902
:How many of us are with our spouse or
our kids and we're looking at our phone
903
:or our head is just somewhere else?
904
:And we can create boundaries and rules
with the phone and kind of have it.
905
:Certain times where it is not in our
vicinity and not where we would be
906
:tempted to glance at it, you know, having
it, again, there's another study where
907
:even just having it face down on the
table doesn't go off, nothing happens.
908
:You don't concentrate as much on your
conversation as if it was out of sight.
909
:Um, and then thinking about, well, what
kind of person am I to be connected?
910
:What kind of communicator am I?
911
:Most of us are really terrible
listeners, and I'll frequently tell
912
:people hearing isn't listening, so most
of us unfortunately listen with the
913
:intent of replying, so I managed to get
human connection, and I bump into you
914
:Sal, and I say, how was your weekend?
915
:You say, I went for a lovely meal.
916
:And before I've even heard
what you say after that, I
917
:think, Ooh, I went for a meal.
918
:I'm going to tell him about that.
919
:And so I'm instantly having a
conversation with myself instead of you.
920
:Um, when I, there's a course I do on
communication and one of the final
921
:exercises we do in there is that.
922
:a person has to say a sentence and the
next person has to use their last word
923
:as their first word so they fully listen.
924
:So you're not constructing
your reply because you have no
925
:idea where it's going to go.
926
:And just challenging yourself.
927
:Now a way that I often teach that is using
a therapeutic term and the therapeutic
928
:term is that you practice the pause.
929
:So, as a therapist, usually someone
will come into my therapy room and
930
:I'll say, So, how are you doing?
931
:And they give me the stock reply
that they've given everyone else.
932
:Which is, Yeah, not bad.
933
:Or, Fine, thanks.
934
:Yeah, it's pretty good.
935
:That's the stock reply.
936
:Now, if they really were pretty
good, then the chances are
937
:they're not coming for therapy.
938
:If I was terrible at my job,
I could then go, Oh, great.
939
:You're good.
940
:Okay.
941
:Well, get in touch.
942
:I'll see you.
943
:Goodbye.
944
:Obviously, that's not the case.
945
:So, what I've learned is to
practice the pause, which is to
946
:not leave a really uncomfortable
silence, but to also not jump in.
947
:And one of the things I've learned
is that it's the second thing
948
:people say that is most important.
949
:So they will say, yeah, not bad, thanks.
950
:And I will nod or I'll give little
kind of words of encouragement, but
951
:I am not going to fill it in because
you're in therapy and it's not about me.
952
:I'm not going to talk about my week.
953
:And then they go.
954
:Ah, well actually I've been
really upset this week.
955
:Actually this really tricky thing is going
on and I don't know how to deal with it.
956
:That's when you get real connection.
957
:And if we think about it, most of the
time, when I told you my journey, the
958
:builder that was coming in to tell me
about his marriage problems when I was
959
:an accountant, the person who'd booked
in for an aromatherapy massage that was
960
:telling me about challenges they had with
their children, they weren't really...
961
:come in for their accountancy or for
their massage, they were coming to have
962
:human connection, to be listened to.
963
:And I really think it is one of
the biggest gifts we can give
964
:anyone is to hold that space and
allow them to be truly listened to.
965
:Not just hearing you, I'm listening
to you and this is about you, not me.
966
:And I think if we did that in all of
our relationships, we would see our
967
:relationships really grow and blossom.
968
:We would be better parents,
better partners, better friends.
969
:Better leaders, better
managers, better employees.
970
:Sal Jefferies: Amazing I'm really struck
by that It's, it's, it's stuff I know,
971
:it's stuff I work with, with my own,
uh, sort of coaching and performance
972
:around people that actually we need
to be steady, we need to be able to be
973
:calmer within, it's connected within and
we need to really connect with another
974
:and that doesn't happen if the mind is
busy, we're rushing around like whatever,
975
:we are looking to jump straight in
and what you've just said there just,
976
:just It just, just felt so natural.
977
:Yeah, of course.
978
:Isn't that lovely?
979
:That's what I want.
980
:And most of the time I do that.
981
:I don't do it all the
time because I'm human.
982
:I get it wrong.
983
:Like most people would do.
984
:We sometimes are busy, but salient, vital.
985
:And in perhaps many ways, points that we
all know, and what I love about them at
986
:your experience, Liam, but my experience
of doing a lot of clever psychology
987
:and deep practice around that, often
the most powerful stuff is the stuff we
988
:implicitly know as a human being, when
we are quiet and steadier and calmer, and
989
:we are in a good place, we, we know that
we want to hear someone and be heard.
990
:And that creates connection and creation,
connection really helps whether it's
991
:family, whether it's your business.
992
:So, You're welcome.
993
:Thank you.
994
:It kind of goes like, let's
start at the beginning, right?
995
:Start at number one.
996
:How are you doing?
997
:What are those processes?
998
:And then connecting to number two,
the other, through a clear open space.
999
:And then of course,
that's a ripple effect.
:
00:54:03,796 --> 00:54:08,636
If we're able to model that, certainly
as a leader in any context, that's
:
00:54:08,676 --> 00:54:13,276
modeling that wonderful ripple effect of
what can create good human connection.
:
00:54:14,396 --> 00:54:18,456
Wow, such good, strong,
massive points here.
:
00:54:20,856 --> 00:54:22,356
I have one last question.
:
00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:31,816
What is your, what's your go to for
you personally, that's your way of
:
00:54:31,816 --> 00:54:35,596
remembering to do what you've covered
so eloquently today, but what's your
:
00:54:35,636 --> 00:54:38,776
go to to remember that this stuff
matters and this helps you connect?
:
00:54:38,796 --> 00:54:39,796
What do you do?
:
00:54:40,816 --> 00:54:43,006
Lianne Weaver: So two things
came up when you said that.
:
00:54:43,336 --> 00:54:48,376
So one is what I've already
touched upon, which is not just
:
00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:50,696
to have awareness, I need action.
:
00:54:51,246 --> 00:54:58,736
So being aware of my stress or
my, um, challenging relationship
:
00:54:58,736 --> 00:55:00,716
or some anxiety, whatever it is.
:
00:55:03,391 --> 00:55:04,221
And then what?
:
00:55:04,351 --> 00:55:08,891
And I will very frequently say to
myself and to clients, and then what?
:
00:55:09,741 --> 00:55:11,171
Really important, right?
:
00:55:11,741 --> 00:55:16,371
So that's definitely one, but then
in the most simplistic of terms, my
:
00:55:16,401 --> 00:55:21,501
go to to remind me to slow down, to
connect, to be present, is the breath.
:
00:55:22,271 --> 00:55:25,261
Because I've always got it with
me and it's our breath that is
:
00:55:25,281 --> 00:55:28,691
one of the first indicators that
will tell your brain whether your
:
00:55:28,691 --> 00:55:30,381
environment is safe or threatening.
:
00:55:30,891 --> 00:55:36,231
It's the thing that changes in a
split millisecond if I'm feeling
:
00:55:36,411 --> 00:55:38,611
anxious, if I'm feeling relaxed.
:
00:55:38,841 --> 00:55:41,021
And the great thing is
I can control my breath.
:
00:55:41,781 --> 00:55:45,981
So if I am having a conversation with
someone and I recognize that my head has
:
00:55:45,981 --> 00:55:50,236
started to race somewhere else, Then I
come back and I just slow my breathing
:
00:55:50,236 --> 00:55:54,276
down and make myself fully present and I
will literally, I'll do it in my therapy
:
00:55:54,276 --> 00:55:59,096
chair, I will Just take some deep breaths
and I'll press my feet into the ground
:
00:55:59,096 --> 00:56:03,396
and here I am back in the room fully
present But I'll do that with my husband.
:
00:56:03,396 --> 00:56:04,686
I'll do that with my mother.
:
00:56:04,686 --> 00:56:09,966
I'll do that with anyone And so those
two were the first things that I turned
:
00:56:09,966 --> 00:56:15,906
to Before I then go into the toolkit and
get anything and everything else out.
:
00:56:16,166 --> 00:56:18,496
It's the breath And, and then what?
:
00:56:19,766 --> 00:56:20,306
Sal Jefferies: Beautiful.
:
00:56:20,406 --> 00:56:21,686
We need the right key to open the
:
00:56:21,686 --> 00:56:21,936
door,
:
00:56:22,256 --> 00:56:22,846
Lianne Weaver: absolutely.
:
00:56:22,896 --> 00:56:25,066
And it doesn't always work the same time.
:
00:56:26,786 --> 00:56:29,096
Sal Jefferies: No, and I think this is
the important thing, but it's like, if it
:
00:56:29,146 --> 00:56:34,176
works most of the time and it's a really
simple strategy, it's remember the breath.
:
00:56:35,476 --> 00:56:35,996
Oh yeah.
:
00:56:36,776 --> 00:56:38,886
Remember, like, and what action?
:
00:56:38,886 --> 00:56:39,786
What, what have I got to do?
:
00:56:40,646 --> 00:56:41,176
Beautiful.
:
00:56:41,236 --> 00:56:42,526
Really well articulated.
:
00:56:43,016 --> 00:56:45,826
Thank you so much for sharing
your thoughts and summary
:
00:56:45,826 --> 00:56:47,506
experience around work.
:
00:56:47,976 --> 00:56:50,746
connection, the workplace, and
of course you've gone deeper into
:
00:56:50,766 --> 00:56:53,776
human connections, so I'm deeply
grateful for all that you've shared.
:
00:56:54,476 --> 00:56:57,316
Of course we shall put Leanne's
details in the show notes if you
:
00:56:57,316 --> 00:56:59,856
want to get in touch with Leanne or
myself, they'll be all in show notes.
:
00:57:00,246 --> 00:57:04,926
And until the next time, dear listener,
I hope you can remember to breathe,
:
00:57:05,166 --> 00:57:09,211
remember to ask what's next, and
perhaps to go back through the podcast
:
00:57:09,251 --> 00:57:11,811
and extract some of the key points.
:
00:57:12,031 --> 00:57:14,711
In many ways, Leanne's just taken
us through a training process.
:
00:57:15,401 --> 00:57:16,671
I'm deeply grateful for that.
:
00:57:16,891 --> 00:57:17,391
It was wonderful.
:
00:57:17,391 --> 00:57:17,541
So
:
00:57:17,541 --> 00:57:18,531
Thank you Leanne.
:
00:57:18,551 --> 00:57:19,111
Dear listener.
:
00:57:19,171 --> 00:57:19,611
See you on the
:
00:57:19,611 --> 00:57:20,161
next one.
:
00:57:20,612 --> 00:57:21,132
Lianne Weaver: Thank you.
:
00:57:21,142 --> 00:57:22,062
so much.
:
00:57:23,586 --> 00:57:25,236
Sal Jefferies: Thank you
so much for listening.
:
00:57:25,506 --> 00:57:29,076
If you enjoyed the episode,
please subscribe and if a friend
:
00:57:29,076 --> 00:57:32,166
would benefit from hearing this,
do send it on to them as well.
:
00:57:33,366 --> 00:57:36,366
If you would like to get in touch
yourself, then you can go to my website,
:
00:57:36,606 --> 00:57:45,276
which is sal jeffries.com, spelled S
A L J E F E R I E s sal jeffries.com.
:
00:57:45,576 --> 00:57:48,936
Hit the get in touch link and there
you can send me a direct message.
:
00:57:49,881 --> 00:57:52,761
If you'd like to go one step further
and learn whether coaching could help
:
00:57:52,761 --> 00:57:57,441
you overcome a challenge or a block
in your life, then do reach out and
:
00:57:57,441 --> 00:58:00,831
I offer a call where we can discuss
how this may be able to help you.
:
00:58:01,701 --> 00:58:03,621
Until the next time, take care.