Episode 19

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Published on:

16th Nov 2023

Why human connection in the workplace matters with Lianne Weaver

The Importance of Real Human Connection in the Workplace

Introduction:  In this episode, we explore the vital theme of real human connection and its profound impact on both individuals and teams. My guest, Lianne Weaver, shares her insights on the evolving landscape of workplace dynamics, touching on issues of disconnection, loneliness, and the changing nature of training.

Key Themes:

  1. Disconnection in the Workplace:
  • Lianne kicks off the conversation by narrating her personal story, shedding light on the pervasive issue of disconnection in the workplace.
  • The discussion revolves around the importance of self-awareness and how individuals respond to it—whether it becomes a catalyst for personal growth or a barrier that keeps them stuck.
  1. Responsibility vs. Fault:
  • A crucial point emerges regarding the distinction between responsibility and fault. The conversation explores the concept of post-traumatic growth and the choices people make in the face of challenges.
  • Lianne shares her expertise in guiding individuals on what to do once they become self-aware, emphasizing the development of resilience and anti-fragility.
  1. Leadership Challenges:
  • The conversation takes a closer look at the biggest problems in the workplace, with a particular focus on leadership.
  • Sal & Lianne discuss what is missing in leadership and the root causes of workplace issues.

Personal Experience and Effects:

  • The discussion delves into the personal experiences of individuals in the workplace, examining the effects of loneliness and disconnection.
  • Lianne introduces the concept of personifying problems and highlights the role of connection in shifting focus from oneself.

Practical Solutions:

  1. Demonstrate Don't Broadcast:
  • A key takeaway for leaders is the importance of leading by example. The hosts discuss the impact of modeling behavior for others to follow.
  1. Recovery Breaks:
  • Lianne shares research findings on internal and external recovery, emphasizing the significance of mental rest along with physical rest.
  • The discussion touches on practical strategies like recovery breaks and the importance of incorporating activities that induce a flow state.
  1. Employee/Team Member Perspective:
  • Sal & Lianne explore the perspective of employees and team members, advocating for self-reliance and setting firm boundaries.
  • Attention residue is discussed, highlighting the challenge of being fully present and the importance of declaring a mental "shutdown" at the end of the workday.

Steps to Foster Human Connection:

  1. Daily Human Contact:
  • Sal & Lianne stress the importance of daily human contact, even if it's a brief interaction at a local shop.
  1. Being Fully Present:
  • Being fully present is identified as a critical factor in fostering real human connection.
  1. Effective Communication:
  • The episode concludes with a discussion on communication styles, urging listeners to reflect on their communication habits and practice the pause for meaningful conversations.
  • Lianne's go-to strategies, "And then what?" and focusing on the breath, are highlighted as powerful tools to take actionable steps toward improving human connection.

A note on distraction.

  • It takes an average of about 25 minutes (23 minutes and 15 seconds, to be exact) to return to the original task after an interruption, according to Gloria Mark, at the University of California, Irvine.

Join us in this thought-provoking exploration of why real human connection matters in the workplace and how we can actively cultivate it for a more fulfilling and productive professional life.

Get in touch with Lianne

Head to Lianne's website - Beam Training to learn more.

Get in touch with Sal

If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you

Transcript
Sal Jefferies:

Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement, a systemic approach to human

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behavior, performance, and well being.

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Our psychological, emotional, and

physical health are all connected,

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and my guests and I endeavor to share

knowledge, strategies, and tools for

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you to enrich your life and work.

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hello and welcome.

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Today I have a guest, uh, Leanne who's

joining me to discuss something really

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important and very salient at the

moment, which is why human connection

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in the workplace really matters.

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Now, Leanne is, she does

a multitude of things.

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She's an author, a speaker, a trainer.

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She's worked with therapeutic work.

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Now she runs a company called Beam.

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Reset.

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It's a problem when you read stuff.

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All right.

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Resetting at 30 seconds.

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Hello and welcome.

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Today I am joining.

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It's like she just doesn't work.

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Okay, reset.

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40 seconds.

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Hello and welcome.

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Today, we are looking at why real human

connection in the workplace matters.

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I'm joined by my guest Leanne Weaver,

and Leanne is an author, speaker,

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trainer, and therapeutic coach.

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Now, she's the MD of BEAM training and

development, and they work with wellbeing,

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personal development, and coaching,

both for people and organizations.

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Now, Leanne's also an author.

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She's done some amazing books.

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Radical Self Care, Interrupting

Anxiety, Ten Steps to Less

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Anxiety and Stress at Work.

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So Leanne is a specialist in this

field and I'm really excited to talk

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to Leanne to get her perspective.

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And to share with you why human

connection in the workplace matters.

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This is such a salient point.

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Ever since the pandemic, as most of

us know, we've, we've shifted, things

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have shifted some for the better, some

for the worse, but one thing that both

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Leanne and myself are seeing is there's

a division sometimes in the human

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connection side between people and there

are issues that are coming up with this

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and we're going to cover these today.

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Let's welcome Leanne.

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to see you Leanne.

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Hey.

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Good

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Lianne Weaver: Sal.

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Thank you for having me.

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Sal Jefferies: Pleasure.

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Leanne, I would like to get some

context and understand, I know your

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work to some degree, but for for all

of us, can you take us a little bit

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deeper in how you're working with this

space of, you know, human development,

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personal development, and, and take

us a bit deeper into how you got here.

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Lianne Weaver: Okay.

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So, um, my journey, like

many people is really varied.

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So certainly if I look back

at kind of 18 year old me.

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She wouldn't have even imagined that what

I'm doing now was even an option, let

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alone, you know, me being able to do it.

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So I did a degree in educational

psychology, really loved understanding

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pedagogy and the human psyche.

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And at that point I thought

I wanted to do play therapy.

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So, working with children who were

struggling through the medium of play.

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I did a course on play therapy after I

graduated, but I got a mortgage at 18.

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So, I mean, that's kind of giving

my age away because, you know, you

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can't get a mortgage at 18 anymore.

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But it was in the glory days

of houses being much more

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affordable, and I bought a house.

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And I had a mortgage to pay, so

once I graduated, I also just

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needed to work and earn money.

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So I went into a finance company, and

they sponsored me to do a postgrad in HRM.

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So, really enjoyed that, enjoyed

again working with people,

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understanding what makes them tick.

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Did a lot of training as well.

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And I worked for an MD who I

can only really describe as...

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It's really inappropriate.

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He was every kind of ist that there was.

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This was kind of 20 odd years ago.

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And he took me for lunch one day and he

said, Leanne, you've got a really bright

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future here, just don't get pregnant.

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Yes.

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Sal Jefferies: that is, I

mean, to say inappropriate

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doesn't even cut it, does it?

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Gosh.

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Lianne Weaver: And as irony would

have it, little did I know at

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that exact lunch, I was pregnant.

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So I don't...

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Sal Jefferies: I'm chuckling

because it is a delicious

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irony, isn't It Like, how

did you deal with that?

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Lianne Weaver: kept it

quiet for quite a while.

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Um, was really kind of...

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I felt like I was in a

kind of no win situation.

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I was working sort of 14 hour days.

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It was all very career focused and drive.

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And I also had all of those

maternal instincts kicking in

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of, I want to be a mom and I want

to stay at home with my child.

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And, and so I decided that once I

had my daughter in my naivety, cause

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I was quite young, I thought, well,

I'll take a year out of work, and

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then after a year, kids are fairly

self sufficient, was my naive thought.

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So I did that and pretty soon

realized that that wasn't the case.

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And so I started to look

at going back into HR.

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In those days, the idea of

doing HR flexibly or from home

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was just, you can't do that.

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You have to be where the people are.

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It was very people centric.

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And so I.

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Thought, okay, well I need to walk

away from that career and just

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do something to bring money in.

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So for a few years, while my daughter

was little, I did things like telephone

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appointment maker and um, I held candle

parties where you buy loads of candles

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and you try and flog them to your mates.

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Anything really to just

bring in extra money.

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And then I thought again, my second bit

of naivety, once she goes to school,

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I'll be able to get back into my career.

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Once she went to school, she had 13

weeks holiday, they get ill all the time

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when they first start school, you've

only got 9 till 3 anyways, a window.

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So, that was the second kind of

turning point for me and I decided

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that I needed to retrain in a career

that would be much more flexible.

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And I did what I think most of us have

done at some point in our lives, and it

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usually backfires, is I did the sensible

thing, rather than anything my heart or

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my gut was telling me, and the sensible

thing was I decided to study bookkeeping.

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because I could be a bookkeeper

from home and work it around.

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I did that.

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I'm really good at learning, Sal.

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Like, I'm, I'm, I'm an avid learner,

avid reader, and I'm good at kind of

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absorbing and assimilating information.

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However, I hated doing bookkeeping but

I carried on and so I did the accounting

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technician exams as well and I became

an accountant and I set up a bookkeeping

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and accountancy practice and I would

have clients come into me and they would

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tell me about the argument they'd had

with their wife or the troubles they

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were having with their kids or the

worries they had with their money and

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I would sit for hours and help them.

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Which made me quite popular as an

accountant because I was really helpful.

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But it actually didn't make me popular

with a bank manager because that

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doesn't earn you money as an accountant.

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So I did pretty much everything I could

to avoid putting numbers in boxes.

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And I just wanted to be around people.

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That then, um, made me realise

that this just wasn't for me.

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I felt a real kind of

heaviness in my body.

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I could feel that I wasn't

doing what I meant to do.

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And I made a big life change in 2010.

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And I stacked away from

pretty much everything.

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And decided that I was going to retrain.

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And the thing that had always excited

me was understanding and helping people.

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So I retrained in, initially,

holistic therapies.

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So I did things like my Reiki,

um, I did aromatherapy, I did

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massage, things like that.

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And I set up a holistic therapy practice.

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And that holistic therapy practice,

I quickly realised that, again,

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people love talking to me.

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And I didn't particularly like

touching strangers and I much

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preferred talking to them.

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And so I started to

study talking therapies.

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So hypnotherapy, EFT, coaching,

um, meditation teacher.

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And I started to use that and I got

asked to go into companies to speak.

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And I did that and the first company

I spoke at, it went down really well.

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And then the man who'd organized

it came up to me at the end

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and said, that was brilliant.

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Do you run courses?

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And I went,

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Sal Jefferies: Of course I

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do.

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Lianne Weaver: And so he said, great.

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Email me details of your

courses when you get back home.

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I thought, okay.

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So I very quickly sent him

the brief of three courses.

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they were all going to be the same.

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He picked the middle one, obviously,

and invited me in and that was a

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six week course on resilience and I

went and I delivered that and it had

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amazing feedback and really positive

results and that basically just grew

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and over the last decade or so I've

I've grown that business from just a

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sole trader into a limited company.

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Last year we worked in 43

countries, delivering training

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in person, online and e learning.

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I still do one to one therapies as

well, I've learnt lots of additional

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therapies since then, so I use things

like Havening, a lot of breathwork

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as well, we love breathwork at Beam.

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And I brought my husband

into the business.

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So, um.

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It got to a stage in 2019 where

the business had grown quite a lot.

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I had some associate trainers, but I was

getting through a stage where I had to

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make a decision of, do I carry on training

myself or do I manage the business?

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And the training bit is

the bit that lights me up.

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Managing the business is like...

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I just need to do it.

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Tom at the time was a project

manager, his contract was coming to

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an end and I was thinking well this

kind of might be perfect timing.

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So he went from project managing

in construction to project managing

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at BEAM and then over the last four

years he's re skilled as well so he's

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an NLP practitioner, timeline coach,

breathwork, things like that as well.

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And so we, we run this

together and our mission is.

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It doesn't matter if we're having, you

know, a one to one therapy session,

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if I'm speaking to hundreds of people

on stage, the mission is always

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that we give people tools to help

them feel better at the end of it.

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Really practical tools, so the

books I've written are very

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tool focused books as well.

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Yes.

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Sal Jefferies: Wow.

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That's a, that's a,

that's a, what a journey.

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And thank you for sharing.

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It's really nice to hear because a lot

of my listeners will be some of the

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business owners and professionals, some

are kind of moving into that space.

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And it's so curious, isn't it?

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When we're younger or perhaps naive

for whatever reason that we don't

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know options are available and.

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and.

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we do the obvious things

such as go steady, be safe.

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And there's a place for that.

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Let's, let's not throw that out.

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But sometimes there's

that rub, isn't there?

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When something doesn't feel

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right.

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You're a bookkeeper and you want

to be working with people and, and

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intriguing your body spoke to you.

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I mean, I work with the body a lot in

my practice of personal development.

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what our body feels and says

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somatically and all those

sensations gives us feedback.

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It's so important we listen.

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Um, cause otherwise it can scream.

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So I'm delighted to

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Lianne Weaver: Well, I've had both.

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Sal Jefferies: Yeah, yeah, me too.

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And it's actually vital.

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Now, of course, that's given

you a beautiful eclectic

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understanding of people.

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It sounds like you're already

experienced with, um, An IST

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boss was, uh, quite negative, but as with

a lot of negative things, we learn, right?

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You learn, okay, that's not how you do

things, that's not how you conduct stuff.

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And people, uh, we vibe, literally, we

have vibrations, as you're probably well

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aware, and how we are resonating, our

mental state, emotional state, physical

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state, that absolutely impacts people.

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And if we don't take care of that...

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if our mind is one of fear, one of,

um, uh, selfishness, whatever that

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might be, that's going to affect

your colleagues, your, your team,

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your coworkers, whatever that is.

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And this is vital.

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Now, of course, you have so much

experience with, with delivering

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all these pieces of work into, into

organizations, into groups of people.

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When we think about human

connection, which is really what

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we're sort of pulling in here, you.

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Clearly have seen human connection is

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vital.

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Um, I wonder if you can give me an

example of when you've seen, uh,

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in more recent times following the

pandemic, where a lack of human

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connection, what, what's that causing?

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What are you seeing from that side of

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Lianne Weaver: I think that the challenge

is certainly since the pandemic.

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So if I just go back a

little bit to the pandemic.

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So when the pandemic hit, we had pretty

much:

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And almost in 24 hours,

that just fell apart.

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as it did with many people.

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And for two months we just put loads

of free content out on our social media

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and newsletters just trying to support

people through what we thought at

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that point was a temporary situation.

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It soon became apparent

it wasn't temporary.

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And then we were the

busiest we've ever been.

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We had companies from all around the

world contacting us saying we need

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to support our employees, they're

working from home, they're isolated.

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And so we were doing training courses on

Teams and Zoom throughout the entire time.

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What I think I see now is now we've moved

into this sort of hybrid model of working

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and there, as you said at the beginning,

there's a lot of benefits with that.

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There's um, you know, I can do a call

and then I finish the call and I can go

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and put some washing out or I can be with

my dog or I can have a phone call in Sri

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Lanka but I'm sat at home in my slippers.

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You know, there's some real benefits.

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However, The biggest drawback that I

see is our lack of social connection.

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So what I'm seeing at the moment is

a lot of businesses are absolutely

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facing financial restraints.

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Um, that didn't seem to be as much of an

issue right in the middle of the pandemic.

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And so training, particularly in

what is still unfortunately termed

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soft skills, is one of the first

things that kind of gets devalued.

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And so a lot of companies that we've

worked with since the pandemic,

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I'm having them say to me things

like, well, we're going to just

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have an e learning module on stress.

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We're going to have an e learning

module on managing boundaries.

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And absolutely, we offer e learning and

there are real benefits to that, but what

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it will not do is give that person who's

struggling an opportunity to speak up.

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It will not give that person who's

struggling the opportunity to see

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other people are struggling as well.

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And so that kind of learning, whilst

it has its place in terms of heavier

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subjects like stress, anxiety,

confidence, imposter syndrome, can

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make people feel even more isolated.

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And so what we see from BEAM is that

there's unfortunately this movement

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from let's put employee well being

front and center to, well, you know,

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this is the way we're living now.

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Everyone has to manage

this hybrid working.

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And so it isn't seen as much as a

priority because the pandemic is over.

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So.

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Come on, get on with it.

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But actually, certainly from my

therapy room as well, what I'm seeing

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is people are feeling the impact now.

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The stress levels, the anxiety levels are

higher now than I have ever experienced

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through my career of doing this.

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And that's across the board.

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I have young people all

the way up to retirement.

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that are feeling that stress, and in my

experience, one of the biggest reasons

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that we will feel that stress and

anxiety is we've become disconnected.

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And the more time I have on my own,

the more I spend with my head, the more

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of a miserable place it's gonna be.

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Sal Jefferies: Yeah, I echo that.

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Uh, everything you've said there,

it's, it's, it's not a surprise to me.

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I know we work in slightly

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different perspective spaces.

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Uh, so mine is much more with leaders

and single individual coaching.

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Yours is much more groups, but

they're human beings, right?

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And they're delivering

something in some work context.

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So the similarity is still pretty close.

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And It seems, in my respect, to echo what

you said, that it's disconnection, which

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is, in some ways, is obvious, like when

we're, most of us are, we don't have to

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be a psychologist to know this, right?

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You don't have to, like, years and

years of trying to, where we feel

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disconnected, things don't work.

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We are meant to be connected.

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You know, if you fall out with a partner

or a family member, it doesn't feel nice.

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It's a simple example of that.

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And then if you work in an isolated

space, You are bang on to something, Leon.

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This is something I've seen with people

who spend way too much time in their

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head because they're highly intelligent.

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They have high cognitive

processing and that disconnect,

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what I'm seeing is from the head

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to the body.

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So some or from their emotions

to their beliefs and whatever

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those disconnects are.

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And it's causing a problem.

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I'm fascinated that you've seen something

which I've seen in a slightly different

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space, but how the effects of the pandemic

are actually sort of happening now,

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rather than right after, which is no

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surprise.

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You know, it's like the ripple

effect that, um, or you could

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even call it a global trauma

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effect.

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Yeah.

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And to, um, be clear on what I mean

by trauma, that something happened.

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We didn't feel control.

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Most of us felt helpless to some degree.

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And for a lot of human systems

that can trigger our nervous

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system into a trauma free state.

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Like I can't do anything.

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So I'm stuck.

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Now, I've seen the cases and you might've

seen it where we've seen post traumatic

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growth where people have really flourished

from this, but there's also then the flip.

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A lot of people have

really struggled with this.

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And if we are sitting.

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in front of a computer,

zooming it up all day, or

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um, whatever we're doing working

from a, say a remote work situation,

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that disconnects a big problem

and Yeah, it, it's gonna cause

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us health problems as well.

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That's another thing I've seen is

that if we are disconnected from

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other people, whether it's our

colleagues or family, we then start

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to become unwell and it's easy to go

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inwards.

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:

If you're a real big thinker, you're

just like, Oh, I'm not going to

351

:

go out and I'm going to do this.

352

:

And, and then we

353

:

spiral and then we spiral.

354

:

Now I'm curious.

355

:

So that's.

356

:

You know, alarming,

worrying, but we need to name

357

:

it, right?

358

:

What's, what's happening

where that's the other way?

359

:

What, how, how you see impacts

on people you're working with?

360

:

It's gone the other way and said

that we see this problem as well.

361

:

What have you been able to do about

362

:

Lianne Weaver: I think one of the

things, as you were talking there and I

363

:

completely agree with you and it really

echoes, but one of the things that I have

364

:

had conversations about with clients a

Certainly, I would say since:

365

:

which is where it was like, okay, this

is our new world now, we've got to

366

:

kind of step into that, is I have, I

have clients who are incredibly self

367

:

aware, so they know that they experience

anxiety because of this, they know

368

:

that they're carrying trauma because

of this, and, and that information

369

:

is, is really kind of, um, useful.

370

:

to a point.

371

:

So what, what I see is

two kinds of people.

372

:

So I have clients who are incredibly

self aware and then they're taking

373

:

action to grow, to recognize,

okay, this bad thing happened.

374

:

Now what do I do with it?

375

:

But I equally have clients

who are incredibly self

376

:

aware, but there's no action.

377

:

So what happens then is that

It almost becomes torture.

378

:

It's almost better to be ignorant and

not have the awareness that you have

379

:

trauma or anxiety than to have the

awareness and not know what to do with it.

380

:

And so, working with clients,

particularly when I work with them

381

:

on a one to one basis, first and

foremost, if someone comes for therapy,

382

:

there's a level of self awareness.

383

:

So, they, they kind of recognize

they're struggling, so.

384

:

They have that.

385

:

It's them recognizing, okay, so do

you have a toolkit and a desire and

386

:

intent to move forward from this?

387

:

Or actually, is this self awareness?

388

:

Making you more miserable and

driving you to almost have

389

:

excuses for your lack of growth.

390

:

And what this comes down to is a phrase

that I use so often in therapy, is

391

:

we have to recognize the difference

between fault and responsibility.

392

:

So all of us have had terrible

things happen throughout our lives

393

:

which absolutely are not our fault.

394

:

And the pandemic is a

great example of that.

395

:

It's not our fault.

396

:

We experienced that pandemic.

397

:

It's not our fault that we

might have had bad parents.

398

:

It's not our fault that we might

have been in an abusive relationship.

399

:

However, if we stay in the mindset

of, well, I'm like this because this

400

:

happened and it wasn't my fault.

401

:

We are going to stay a victim

to that experience, potentially

402

:

for our entire lives.

403

:

If, however, we have the ability

and the awareness to say, this bad

404

:

thing happened, it's not my fault,

but it's my responsibility to

405

:

decide what I do with it now, that's

when we get post traumatic growth.

406

:

That's when we see amazing things

happen, and people really kind

407

:

of rising from the ashes and...

408

:

It goes beyond resilience, it becomes

this anti fragility, you know.

409

:

Resilience is I can take quite a

few bashings before I get broken.

410

:

Anti fragility is actually the more

you bash me around, the stronger I get.

411

:

And so that is the, the two

kinds of, um, mindsets that I

412

:

definitely see on a regular basis.

413

:

Sal Jefferies: So my question to you

here is what makes them different?

414

:

Lianne Weaver: So...

415

:

I think partly it's

knowing what to do next.

416

:

So I would say the bit where Beam

definitely always tries to support

417

:

people, whether that's in corporate,

whether it's individuals, is sometimes

418

:

we just don't know what tools we

need once we've become self aware.

419

:

So if I'm aware that I have anxiety

because this bad thing happened 10 years

420

:

ago, but then I have no idea what to

do with that, then I'm just aware of it

421

:

and I'm still carrying it every day and

it's still a frequent part of my life.

422

:

If, however, you can become tooled up.

423

:

And learn a plethora.

424

:

I mean, I, I can't even imagine over

my years of studying and reading

425

:

how many tools I have access to.

426

:

And I have learned through my

own experience that this tool

427

:

that works really well today

might not work so well tomorrow.

428

:

So we need to be really kind

of flexible and have that.

429

:

That is what I see in the

difference, which I could kind of

430

:

sum up in, it's the resourceful

people that become anti fragile.

431

:

Sal Jefferies: Yeah,

that's so interesting.

432

:

That's really, really interesting.

433

:

Now, I'm very, very self aware.

434

:

I'm also an incredibly

sensitive human being.

435

:

I'm actually a very strong human being

and because we sometimes were labeled

436

:

sensitive, uh, with negative connotations.

437

:

So let's use a different word.

438

:

So highly responsive.

439

:

I have a highly responsive nervous system

to what happens within my mind and body

440

:

and what happens in my environment around

me, which means Uh, I have to be super

441

:

mindful of what I'm doing because that

makes you very good as a coach because

442

:

I can really dial in with people.

443

:

It makes it really difficult in

certain scenarios like busy spaces,

444

:

lots of, um, visual content, stuff

like that absolutely overwhelms me.

445

:

So we have to be mindful, don't we,

about the different types of people.

446

:

Self awareness is the first step.

447

:

Um, understanding the

distinction between fault.

448

:

Blame, let's say, the victim archetype

one can take, and then responsibility,

449

:

understanding, and a desire to move

forward, perhaps, whatever archetype

450

:

we're going to call that, you know,

the person who takes action, the

451

:

person who, who chooses to change,

what I find really interesting, and,

452

:

and, and a bouncer phrase to you,

um, I see psychological homeostasis.

453

:

So homeostasis is our body's natural

state that it rebalances and you

454

:

know, the blood chemistry and all

that keeps it, keeps it steady.

455

:

What I've noticed is that a lot

of people can get in psychological

456

:

homeostasis and it becomes our identity.

457

:

You know, I've got anxiety,

which by the way is incorrect.

458

:

There's no such thing as anxiety.

459

:

It's an experience.

460

:

It's a moving.

461

:

Neurological, Psycho, Immuno,

Psycho, Neurological, Immuno,

462

:

Biological, Biological thing.

463

:

It's all this stuff going on, but

actually if we start labeling like

464

:

I'm an anxious person or um, you know,

uh, I'm a stressed worker, we start

465

:

to become an identity connection or

have an identity connection to it.

466

:

And I do wonder if this is some of the,

some of the stickiness of these problems

467

:

that I see with when, when helping people

with change and maybe you'll see them.

468

:

So if we've got someone who's.

469

:

Who, who's not the resourceful

one who's coming to you or your

470

:

organization or coming to me and say,

Hey, look, I need to work on this.

471

:

What about the person or leader

who's, who knows there's anxiety,

472

:

knows there's stress, knows there

are problems, but isn't shifting?

473

:

How would you address that?

474

:

Lianne Weaver: So, I think, first of all,

your point about sort of personifying

475

:

a condition, it's something that I

tell people so often, we're so quick

476

:

to sort of talk about my anxiety,

my stress, and as soon as you take

477

:

ownership of it, Now I have to care

for it, now I have to have it, I have

478

:

to feed it, I have to look after it.

479

:

And so, I completely agree with that

and, you know, I'll often explain to

480

:

clients, you know, our emotions are

electrochemical reactions and our brain

481

:

can get addicted to the same thing.

482

:

So if every morning I wake up

and I get a hit of anxiety, well,

483

:

all my brain cares about is that

I'm alive at the end of the day.

484

:

So if I've survived yesterday...

485

:

Then it makes sense for my brain

to give me a hit of anxiety

486

:

today, so I can survive today.

487

:

It doesn't care if that makes

me miserable, or unhappy, or

488

:

stressed, or uncomfortable.

489

:

It cares that I'm alive

at the end of the day.

490

:

So, um, kind of recognizing that cycle

and that addictive pattern of, of

491

:

those emotions is really important.

492

:

So I just wanted to pick up on that.

493

:

In terms of, um, sorry, go

back to your question, Sal.

494

:

Sal Jefferies: Yeah.

495

:

So when we, when we sort of call that

out, that can be happening for many of us.

496

:

So we don't want to start

saying this is right or wrong.

497

:

This simply

498

:

is, if this

499

:

is what's going on for you and you're

like, Oh, that sounds familiar.

500

:

You know, I'm having anxiety.

501

:

I am stressed.

502

:

Uh, I've got issues at work and within

my business, but I'm not doing anything.

503

:

And I think there's the rub is it's the,

but I'm not doing anything to change this.

504

:

So.

505

:

When we think about human connection,

so understanding how we function, of

506

:

course, absolutely vital, but human

connection, how does that play in?

507

:

So some of the work you've, you've

been doing with your training and

508

:

bringing people together and the things

you've been doing, how does the human

509

:

connection side then address this,

perhaps this sticky point that we

510

:

may need to

511

:

Lianne Weaver: I mean, in the most

simplistic form, when we are connected

512

:

to other humans, we're not focused

on ourselves as much . So, you know,

513

:

when during, um, the pandemic Tom and

I created, um, a movement called the

514

:

Social Medicine, which was specifically

designed to help people who were

515

:

experiencing loneliness, and we ran

free events and things like that for it.

516

:

When I talk to people about loneliness and

I did speeches on it and things like that,

517

:

essentially I can sum it up in one thing.

518

:

The antidote to loneliness

is help someone else.

519

:

That, that's it.

520

:

That's what it needs.

521

:

If I say the antidote to being hungry

is eating a bit of food, the antidote

522

:

to loneliness is helping someone else.

523

:

So the second we are not so

insular and isolated, and we

524

:

have to consider the needs of the

tribe, if you like, the community.

525

:

Then I'm not sat thinking about what's

wrong with me, what's going on in my head.

526

:

Oh no, I've had more negative thoughts.

527

:

What about that problem?

528

:

Could it get worse?

529

:

I'm now considering the whole.

530

:

So simply, you know, from, if

we look at, say, a workshop,

531

:

absolutely, we, we'd still do the

majority of our training online.

532

:

Because that's the world that we're in.

533

:

But the difference in when we get

the people in the room, And they look

534

:

at each other and they're more open

to asking questions and more open to

535

:

saying, Yeah, I know what that's like.

536

:

When we're running workshops with people

and they're physically in the room.

537

:

Something so much more amazing happens

because people are looking at each

538

:

other's faces so even looking across

to your colleague and seeing them nod

539

:

at a point is reassurance that I'm not

alone, someone else feels like that.

540

:

People are far more likely to

interact and ask questions in

541

:

the room rather than online.

542

:

So you hear another colleague say, oh

I've been struggling with stress and...

543

:

This is what helps me.

544

:

We get the opportunity

to share best practice.

545

:

I'm there as the facilitator and the

trainer, but there is a wealth of

546

:

experience in every training room I'm

in, and getting people to share that,

547

:

getting people to understand behaviors.

548

:

If we take stress, for example, whenever

I train on stress, I talk about our

549

:

five key stress responses, which are

faint, freeze, fight, flight, and fawn.

550

:

And then I transfer those into

how that looks in the office.

551

:

So, okay, we don't tend to faint

that much, but freeze looks

552

:

a lot like procrastination.

553

:

Fight looks a lot like that difficult

person that just won't help you.

554

:

Fawn looks a lot like people pleasing,

and flight looks a lot like avoidance,

555

:

the person who phones in sick or has

all of a sudden got an emergency.

556

:

And when you start to...

557

:

Have these conversations in a room

full of people, you can all of a sudden

558

:

recognise that that colleague that

has perhaps been driving you crazy

559

:

because they're always procrastinating,

needs a bit of help and support.

560

:

They're actually stressed.

561

:

That colleague that drives you crazy

because you feel like they're a creep

562

:

and they're always people pleasing.

563

:

is actually stressed.

564

:

And those sorts of conversations

are a lot harder to have when

565

:

we're having them online.

566

:

It's a lot harder for

us to, to be that open.

567

:

Sal Jefferies: Yeah, that's, that's

lovely, really lovely, lovely

568

:

articulation of both those neural states

that we go through and perhaps those

569

:

what, what that actually looks like.

570

:

And, you know, for me, some of

this feels like it's pulling

571

:

the veil down, doesn't it?

572

:

Rather than the label.

573

:

And you've already named this

earlier about, you know, labelling.

574

:

Labelling can either box

you in or set you free.

575

:

And, and there are various

reasons why that happens, but

576

:

I can't do this because of X.

577

:

It means you've labelled and boxed in.

578

:

I have this condition, or I feel

stressed when, but I need Why?

579

:

That sets you free

because you understand it.

580

:

But what you've described there

was really, uh, I think really

581

:

poignant because if you're trying

to understand it in the context of,

582

:

well, what's it like in my workspace?

583

:

What's it like with my team?

584

:

Then it becomes not a label.

585

:

But a processor.

586

:

Oh, so that person keeps saying yes to

everything, but they're not delivering.

587

:

Maybe they're fawning a

588

:

bit.

589

:

Maybe we should have a chat to

them and say, Are you all right?

590

:

You know, you're under it at the moment.

591

:

And of course, there's that

distinction about opening up

592

:

the connection, isn't there?

593

:

That allows connection.

594

:

For me, it feels like it

creates permission because it

595

:

creates the conduit to happen.

596

:

We are, um, I mean, I love remote

communications because it allows us

597

:

to do so many things, but we have

to see the short side of this stuff.

598

:

When we're in a room with someone, of

course, we have more peripheral vision.

599

:

You see out the corners of your eyes.

600

:

We see body language, you know, whether

it's a tapping foot or someone breathing.

601

:

And even if we don't know, on some

level our brain registers micro

602

:

expressions and all this kind of stuff.

603

:

So, if we run a low resolution

screen with a bit of a head,

604

:

a floating head, then it's

quite hard to do that.

605

:

And I think this is one of the

things where we need to be very

606

:

careful, whether we are a trainer,

Uh, whether we are a company or a

607

:

leader, getting people in the space of

608

:

growth and understand why we have

problems such as the classics, stress,

609

:

pressure, burnout, overwork, all

the things that people are having

610

:

to deal with, which are negative.

611

:

Then realizing that as simple

as it sounds, isn't it a simple,

612

:

but we need to get together.

613

:

We need to have a

614

:

conversation and be in a room.

615

:

Maybe you feel someone's

skin by shaking a hand.

616

:

Um, literally hear the reverberance of

voice around the room, this sort of stuff.

617

:

And it's easy to forget, and I think

it's easy to forget, and I really

618

:

want to get your view on this.

619

:

I've got, uh, I'll alias this person, Joe.

620

:

Joe runs a media company,

uh, super successful.

621

:

They have a whole lot going on, and she

has a bunch of fellow directors as well.

622

:

They have so many pressures, and in

my coaching space, it's like unloading

623

:

that stuff, working it through.

624

:

One of the biggest things

is there's no time to think.

625

:

There's no space and of course in

a coaching capacity or a training

626

:

capacity, hopefully that that

person has space and and it.

627

:

And I hold up the mirror.

628

:

I'm just like, look, you're

running a hundred miles an hour.

629

:

And that's great.

630

:

You know, if you want to build

this business, you're going

631

:

to have to go at it hard.

632

:

But if there is no space to literally

breathe, to think, to process, and

633

:

you're the leadership, you run this ship.

634

:

How do you think your team of how,

how do you think that's all going?

635

:

And of course they have remote people and

all over the place and they have problems.

636

:

They have disconnect in

their, in organization.

637

:

And this particular person

is doing very, very well.

638

:

bringing connection back

because they're bringing social

639

:

events back.

640

:

They're bringing connection.

641

:

So getting people back into the

office for even a day a week.

642

:

Um, so that's something I've seen for

one of the leaders I coach around how

643

:

they're making changes with connection.

644

:

Now we've spoken a little bit

around the context and stuff.

645

:

If I let's get a viewpoint from a

leader's perspective and perhaps, uh,

646

:

uh, an employee or team perspective,

because I think wherever we sit in

647

:

that space, it's good to see the other.

648

:

If you're.

649

:

If a leader comes to you and says look

we've got a whole bunch of challenges

650

:

with my team, my business and stresses,

the things you've already spoken of,

651

:

how or rather what to start making the

changes, you know, whether it's the type

652

:

of training, the type of conversation,

what's the first step you would, you

653

:

would encourage them to do and to

654

:

Lianne Weaver: So the very first step

I'd get them to do is similar to what

655

:

you just said with your example in

that a phrase again that I use quite

656

:

often is demonstrate, don't broadcast.

657

:

So it's all very well if the leader is

saying, right, we need to connect, we

658

:

need to do this, you need to like take

some well being time off or whatever.

659

:

But if we're not demonstrating

that as a leader.

660

:

Then, we're human beings, we

mimic behavior, we do what

661

:

people do, not what people say.

662

:

So, Demonstrate Don't Broadcast is

something I learned years and years

663

:

ago, it's something I try and live by.

664

:

When you, um, are going through any

sort of change or personal development

665

:

or growth, our tendency is to try and

drag the people we love along with us.

666

:

And say, I found this amazing

thing, you need to do it too.

667

:

And one thing most of us hate is someone

telling us that we need to change.

668

:

Sal Jefferies: Tell

669

:

us what to do, absolutely.

670

:

Dude, don't tell

671

:

me what to do.

672

:

Lianne Weaver: So, but

if you just show people.

673

:

So, something that I talk

about a lot is recovery breaks.

674

:

So, for example, with that,

um, Joe that you talked about.

675

:

So, there was research conducted by

someone called Sean Acor in the States,

676

:

and they found that, almost without

exception, people that reached clinical

677

:

burnout didn't take recovery breaks.

678

:

However, when people take

recovery breaks, they can produce

679

:

and persist so much longer.

680

:

than someone who doesn't.

681

:

And it's defined in two ways.

682

:

So a recovery break is internal

recovery and external recovery.

683

:

So internal recovery is working with our

ultradium rhythms, which is the kind of

684

:

energy and pattern of our brainwaves.

685

:

And our brains can only perform at a

maximum level for about 90 minutes.

686

:

And after 90 minutes we become

sluggish, forgetful, it's just harder.

687

:

They found that if we take even something

as short as a 3 5 minute break every

688

:

90 minutes, where we use our brain in

a different way, so we perhaps step

689

:

away from the computer and we do some

breathing exercises, or we play with the

690

:

dog, or we even play in a game on your

phone, you know, something totally that

691

:

is using your brain in a different way.

692

:

When we come back, we're refreshed

and we're able to produce more

693

:

and produce better quality.

694

:

And then there's um, external recovery.

695

:

And external recovery is taking

a 60 to 90 minute break at the

696

:

end of a mentally taxing period.

697

:

And so if, for example, you've had a

really challenging day at work, It's

698

:

having 60 to 90 minutes to decompress, so

essentially it's anything that gets us in

699

:

this wonderful flow state, so exercise,

music, creativity, cooking, gardening,

700

:

anything that gets us into that flow state

where we're using our brain in a different

701

:

way, gives us the opportunity to recover.

702

:

And to recharge.

703

:

And I think one of the things that I

see in all people, not just leaders,

704

:

but certainly those leaders that

feel the demands and pressure is

705

:

they think that rest is recovery.

706

:

And rest is not recovery.

707

:

So they've had a challenging week and

so they decide to just lay on the sofa

708

:

watching Netflix all weekend, you know,

and it comes up with that message checking

709

:

you're still alive and you're just like,

yep, another box set, another box set.

710

:

The problem with that is that's physical,

because I can be laying on the sofa

711

:

watching box set after box set, but

that doesn't mean my brain is resting.

712

:

I'm physically resting.

713

:

Recovery is about mentally resting.

714

:

So it's about using our brain

in a different way that gives

715

:

it the opportunity to just, it's

kind of like doing exercise.

716

:

If you go to the gym and all

you do is squats, you're going

717

:

to do more harm than good.

718

:

It's using different parts of the brain.

719

:

So I would say demonstrate,

don't broadcast.

720

:

And the first thing you demonstrate

is taking recovery breaks and

721

:

encouraging your team to do that.

722

:

Sal Jefferies: What absolute gold.

723

:

I mean, it's absolute gold.

724

:

Uh, I too have studied the, um, ultradium,

circadian, all the rhythms of the body.

725

:

And I, I basically do a coaching

process with, uh, time and how to be

726

:

most effective with some of my people

I coach, because we have these rhythms.

727

:

But to echo what you said, It was Dr.

728

:

Ernest Rossi.

729

:

I studied under someone who studied

under him and he did a lot of work

730

:

in this in the therapeutic context

and noticed that most people

731

:

benefit from a 90 minute session,

not an hour in coaching or therapy.

732

:

He was particularly around therapy and

our brain actually goes into the waves.

733

:

So if you're interested in brain

waves, they actually change

734

:

into a almost trance y state.

735

:

So this is an absolute must.

736

:

And I'm just going to push this forward

because if we're doing a back to

737

:

back meetings, back to back sessions,

and we haven't had a recovery break,

738

:

the system doesn't work that way.

739

:

And you can't beat the system

because it will break, and the

740

:

system is your brain and your body.

741

:

Don't try and beat it, work with it.

742

:

That's again, I would echo that.

743

:

That's starting to reconnect as well.

744

:

That, and the theme of reconnection,

that's finding reconnection.

745

:

And, well, my go to is movement.

746

:

Yeah, okay, I move all the time,

I push this, I'm like, look,

747

:

everyone's gotta move because

of all these different things.

748

:

Um, but if we are in our head

a lot, if you are very...

749

:

analytic, cognitive person.

750

:

If you have a knowledge worker, if

you're a knowledge worker of sorts, and

751

:

a lot of people I've worked with are,

and you know, we're doing knowledge

752

:

work now into some degree, shift your

awareness and your experience and

753

:

your energy into a different work.

754

:

So nothing beats, and I love doing

heavyweights and something like that,

755

:

nothing beats going into the body and

working there or connecting there.

756

:

And you're right, you know, disconnecting

with whether it's alcohol, whether

757

:

it's TV, you're still being stimulated

758

:

mentally.

759

:

Yeah, so basically it's, it's like

trying to put the fire out with

760

:

petrol.

761

:

Bad idea.

762

:

Yeah, don't do it.

763

:

So they're really good thing.

764

:

And so interesting that statement

about demonstrate don't What was it?

765

:

Please remind me of your phrase?

766

:

Demonstrate, Demonstrate, don't broadcast.

767

:

Beautiful.

768

:

So, so important.

769

:

Because for me, that's about self

leadership and self connection.

770

:

If you are a leader and you are

not modeling or demonstrating,

771

:

as you said, what to do and how

to do it, how can you expect your

772

:

colleagues and your team to do it?

773

:

You know, this is responsibility,

which you said a little while ago.

774

:

This is responsibility number one.

775

:

Love that.

776

:

Perhaps we could turn our lens of

attention on to if you're an employee

777

:

or team member of some kind and Perhaps

you're not at C suite or leadership level.

778

:

What's the experience like for that

that person or these people and

779

:

How can we build connection that

human connection in that space?

780

:

Lianne Weaver: I think one of the

biggest things that I would come to

781

:

there is embracing self reliance.

782

:

I think a lot of us have

given our power away.

783

:

whether that's with our physical health or

our mental health, in expecting, well, if

784

:

it breaks, I can take a tablet to fix it.

785

:

Or if there's a problem at

work, I can go to HR to fix it.

786

:

And of course we have those systems

in place when we really need them.

787

:

But a lot of the time, we

have the solutions within us.

788

:

So instead of waiting for permission

to take a break, Set those boundaries

789

:

in place that this is what I do.

790

:

I, I do not have my lunch at my desk.

791

:

I, I always finish by XPM.

792

:

And setting those, we, we run a course

on, um, home and work boundaries.

793

:

And we talk about how, um, I don't know

if you've read Cal Newport's Deep Work.

794

:

It's a brilliant book.

795

:

Really, really good book.

796

:

And he talks about

setting firm boundaries.

797

:

And when he finishes the day...

798

:

He literally has a shutdown process,

which is, he writes, um, a to do

799

:

list ready for the next day so

everything's out of his brain.

800

:

He writes that to do list, and then

the very last thing he does is he

801

:

shuts down his computer and out

loud he says, Shut down complete.

802

:

So there's this constant

trigger that that's it.

803

:

I'm not stepping away from my computer

and then picking up my phone to

804

:

check my emails in an hour's time.

805

:

I'm not stepping away from my computer and

eating a meal with my kids and thinking

806

:

about the project I've got to do tomorrow.

807

:

It's having that all

on, all off mentality.

808

:

And one of the biggest...

809

:

impacts of stress in the workplace

is this kind of attention residue

810

:

that we're never all on or all off.

811

:

And working from home particularly,

whilst I see loads of benefits,

812

:

it has that negative of if I'm sat

here and I'm working, But then I'm

813

:

thinking, well the sky's cleared

up, I could put some washing out.

814

:

As simple as that little thought

is, it's not causing me stress,

815

:

it's taking my attention away.

816

:

So now I have a bit of

attention on my washing.

817

:

So I'm not fully on with my work.

818

:

And so again, going back to these 90

minute cycles, what's useful is to say,

819

:

right, for 90 minutes, my phone is out

of the way, I'm focusing on this, and

820

:

then I'm going to give myself a break.

821

:

And you will get so much more done.

822

:

in a much healthier way than

if you're zipping in and out.

823

:

Equally, how many of us will have

finished work and we're with our

824

:

family, we're doing something enjoyable,

but we're thinking about what we've

825

:

got to do the next day with work.

826

:

So we haven't got full attention on

our downtime as well as our work time.

827

:

Sal Jefferies: Wow, yeah and Attention.

828

:

I'm thinking about human connection.

829

:

I think about, you know, the kind

of strategies and practicals, but

830

:

what you've just said has given me a

831

:

shiver because if we don't have our

attention with our colleague, our

832

:

coworker, um, or at home with our partner

or friends, whoever that be, then we don't

833

:

have connection.

834

:

It's, it's like the basic,

uh, constituent part.

835

:

So we could be in a room together.

836

:

Uh, and sadly in today's world, a

lot of people in a room together

837

:

staring at a phone.

838

:

You know, so they've sold their time

and attention to a tech company,

839

:

which is essentially what we've

done, you know, we've handed it

840

:

away for free, which is curious.

841

:

Unfortunately, it's addictive, it's

cultural, and that's a whole other

842

:

podcast, but if we don't have our

attention clean and clear, and you've

843

:

got that attention residue, as you

say, then we are already compromising

844

:

human connection because of that.

845

:

And, and I think it's really nice,

isn't it, to see those processes and

846

:

what those things do and how the impact

of, oh, I'll just quickly check email.

847

:

No, be with your colleague, go

have some lunch, have a cup of

848

:

coffee or talk about a project.

849

:

Don't talk about project and email.

850

:

It's really curious how we need attention

first and foremost to then make the

851

:

glue between people come together.

852

:

So that's, that's a really,

uh, I think such a vital point.

853

:

Easy to forget

854

:

Lianne Weaver: And we're all guilty of it.

855

:

You know, there was one study and it

suggested that even just looking at your

856

:

phone, so it beeps and you just look at

the screen, you haven't touched it, you

857

:

haven't picked it up, it takes 24 minutes

to get back into that flow that you were

858

:

Sal Jefferies: I've seen the study.

859

:

Yeah,

860

:

it's crazy, isn't it?

861

:

Uh, I know if, if you, if

anyone is who's just like, what?

862

:

So, uh, I'm just trying to

remember which university it is.

863

:

Um, it could be Berkeley.

864

:

Anyway, we'll, we'll find it and we'll

put it in the show notes, but it's, it

865

:

was 23 minutes and something seconds.

866

:

So let's round up 24 minutes.

867

:

24 minutes.

868

:

I don't have 24 minutes to give

away to something unhelpful.

869

:

Like, I don't know, let's say an

Instagram alert or whatever it is

870

:

unhelpful or someone is coming in because

you haven't got boundaries, then that

871

:

starts to put a wedge, doesn't it?

872

:

A divide between our attention and

then between our human connection.

873

:

So human connection needs,

for me, it needs attention.

874

:

It needs focus.

875

:

You need to be present with another person

or all your people, whether you're you

876

:

know, leader or team, it doesn't matter.

877

:

You need to be

878

:

present first and foremost to be

fully in the room on that level.

879

:

Now, I'd love to get your, your thoughts,

because there's a lot we've covered here.

880

:

There's a lot of some strategies,

some, some key salient points that are

881

:

go tos that we need to have in place.

882

:

Once those are in place, what,

Let's say the most practical steps.

883

:

What can someone go away and do

and if you're thinking if you're

884

:

whether you're leader or team, right?

885

:

We know human connection works.

886

:

We know we feel better

and we know the opposite.

887

:

What would you suggest there?

888

:

What's the some of the steps that

the people can start thinking?

889

:

Yep, if I make sure this goes in my

diary and I do it this will bring

890

:

human connection and a better working

891

:

environment

892

:

Lianne Weaver: definitely making

sure you have some human contact,

893

:

real contact, even if that's going

to your local shop, you know,

894

:

some real human contact every day.

895

:

So it's not just this digital contact,

that you can look someone in the eye,

896

:

you can, you know, if it's a friend or

something, you can give them a hug or

897

:

shake their hand and, and have that.

898

:

I think also going back to

that attention and presence.

899

:

Giving people the gift

of being fully present.

900

:

Now, of course, if it, that is

something that we need to bring

901

:

into work, but actually it's

something we need to bring into home.

902

:

How many of us are with our spouse or

our kids and we're looking at our phone

903

:

or our head is just somewhere else?

904

:

And we can create boundaries and rules

with the phone and kind of have it.

905

:

Certain times where it is not in our

vicinity and not where we would be

906

:

tempted to glance at it, you know, having

it, again, there's another study where

907

:

even just having it face down on the

table doesn't go off, nothing happens.

908

:

You don't concentrate as much on your

conversation as if it was out of sight.

909

:

Um, and then thinking about, well, what

kind of person am I to be connected?

910

:

What kind of communicator am I?

911

:

Most of us are really terrible

listeners, and I'll frequently tell

912

:

people hearing isn't listening, so most

of us unfortunately listen with the

913

:

intent of replying, so I managed to get

human connection, and I bump into you

914

:

Sal, and I say, how was your weekend?

915

:

You say, I went for a lovely meal.

916

:

And before I've even heard

what you say after that, I

917

:

think, Ooh, I went for a meal.

918

:

I'm going to tell him about that.

919

:

And so I'm instantly having a

conversation with myself instead of you.

920

:

Um, when I, there's a course I do on

communication and one of the final

921

:

exercises we do in there is that.

922

:

a person has to say a sentence and the

next person has to use their last word

923

:

as their first word so they fully listen.

924

:

So you're not constructing

your reply because you have no

925

:

idea where it's going to go.

926

:

And just challenging yourself.

927

:

Now a way that I often teach that is using

a therapeutic term and the therapeutic

928

:

term is that you practice the pause.

929

:

So, as a therapist, usually someone

will come into my therapy room and

930

:

I'll say, So, how are you doing?

931

:

And they give me the stock reply

that they've given everyone else.

932

:

Which is, Yeah, not bad.

933

:

Or, Fine, thanks.

934

:

Yeah, it's pretty good.

935

:

That's the stock reply.

936

:

Now, if they really were pretty

good, then the chances are

937

:

they're not coming for therapy.

938

:

If I was terrible at my job,

I could then go, Oh, great.

939

:

You're good.

940

:

Okay.

941

:

Well, get in touch.

942

:

I'll see you.

943

:

Goodbye.

944

:

Obviously, that's not the case.

945

:

So, what I've learned is to

practice the pause, which is to

946

:

not leave a really uncomfortable

silence, but to also not jump in.

947

:

And one of the things I've learned

is that it's the second thing

948

:

people say that is most important.

949

:

So they will say, yeah, not bad, thanks.

950

:

And I will nod or I'll give little

kind of words of encouragement, but

951

:

I am not going to fill it in because

you're in therapy and it's not about me.

952

:

I'm not going to talk about my week.

953

:

And then they go.

954

:

Ah, well actually I've been

really upset this week.

955

:

Actually this really tricky thing is going

on and I don't know how to deal with it.

956

:

That's when you get real connection.

957

:

And if we think about it, most of the

time, when I told you my journey, the

958

:

builder that was coming in to tell me

about his marriage problems when I was

959

:

an accountant, the person who'd booked

in for an aromatherapy massage that was

960

:

telling me about challenges they had with

their children, they weren't really...

961

:

come in for their accountancy or for

their massage, they were coming to have

962

:

human connection, to be listened to.

963

:

And I really think it is one of

the biggest gifts we can give

964

:

anyone is to hold that space and

allow them to be truly listened to.

965

:

Not just hearing you, I'm listening

to you and this is about you, not me.

966

:

And I think if we did that in all of

our relationships, we would see our

967

:

relationships really grow and blossom.

968

:

We would be better parents,

better partners, better friends.

969

:

Better leaders, better

managers, better employees.

970

:

Sal Jefferies: Amazing I'm really struck

by that It's, it's, it's stuff I know,

971

:

it's stuff I work with, with my own,

uh, sort of coaching and performance

972

:

around people that actually we need

to be steady, we need to be able to be

973

:

calmer within, it's connected within and

we need to really connect with another

974

:

and that doesn't happen if the mind is

busy, we're rushing around like whatever,

975

:

we are looking to jump straight in

and what you've just said there just,

976

:

just It just, just felt so natural.

977

:

Yeah, of course.

978

:

Isn't that lovely?

979

:

That's what I want.

980

:

And most of the time I do that.

981

:

I don't do it all the

time because I'm human.

982

:

I get it wrong.

983

:

Like most people would do.

984

:

We sometimes are busy, but salient, vital.

985

:

And in perhaps many ways, points that we

all know, and what I love about them at

986

:

your experience, Liam, but my experience

of doing a lot of clever psychology

987

:

and deep practice around that, often

the most powerful stuff is the stuff we

988

:

implicitly know as a human being, when

we are quiet and steadier and calmer, and

989

:

we are in a good place, we, we know that

we want to hear someone and be heard.

990

:

And that creates connection and creation,

connection really helps whether it's

991

:

family, whether it's your business.

992

:

So, You're welcome.

993

:

Thank you.

994

:

It kind of goes like, let's

start at the beginning, right?

995

:

Start at number one.

996

:

How are you doing?

997

:

What are those processes?

998

:

And then connecting to number two,

the other, through a clear open space.

999

:

And then of course,

that's a ripple effect.

:

00:54:03,796 --> 00:54:08,636

If we're able to model that, certainly

as a leader in any context, that's

:

00:54:08,676 --> 00:54:13,276

modeling that wonderful ripple effect of

what can create good human connection.

:

00:54:14,396 --> 00:54:18,456

Wow, such good, strong,

massive points here.

:

00:54:20,856 --> 00:54:22,356

I have one last question.

:

00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:31,816

What is your, what's your go to for

you personally, that's your way of

:

00:54:31,816 --> 00:54:35,596

remembering to do what you've covered

so eloquently today, but what's your

:

00:54:35,636 --> 00:54:38,776

go to to remember that this stuff

matters and this helps you connect?

:

00:54:38,796 --> 00:54:39,796

What do you do?

:

00:54:40,816 --> 00:54:43,006

Lianne Weaver: So two things

came up when you said that.

:

00:54:43,336 --> 00:54:48,376

So one is what I've already

touched upon, which is not just

:

00:54:48,386 --> 00:54:50,696

to have awareness, I need action.

:

00:54:51,246 --> 00:54:58,736

So being aware of my stress or

my, um, challenging relationship

:

00:54:58,736 --> 00:55:00,716

or some anxiety, whatever it is.

:

00:55:03,391 --> 00:55:04,221

And then what?

:

00:55:04,351 --> 00:55:08,891

And I will very frequently say to

myself and to clients, and then what?

:

00:55:09,741 --> 00:55:11,171

Really important, right?

:

00:55:11,741 --> 00:55:16,371

So that's definitely one, but then

in the most simplistic of terms, my

:

00:55:16,401 --> 00:55:21,501

go to to remind me to slow down, to

connect, to be present, is the breath.

:

00:55:22,271 --> 00:55:25,261

Because I've always got it with

me and it's our breath that is

:

00:55:25,281 --> 00:55:28,691

one of the first indicators that

will tell your brain whether your

:

00:55:28,691 --> 00:55:30,381

environment is safe or threatening.

:

00:55:30,891 --> 00:55:36,231

It's the thing that changes in a

split millisecond if I'm feeling

:

00:55:36,411 --> 00:55:38,611

anxious, if I'm feeling relaxed.

:

00:55:38,841 --> 00:55:41,021

And the great thing is

I can control my breath.

:

00:55:41,781 --> 00:55:45,981

So if I am having a conversation with

someone and I recognize that my head has

:

00:55:45,981 --> 00:55:50,236

started to race somewhere else, Then I

come back and I just slow my breathing

:

00:55:50,236 --> 00:55:54,276

down and make myself fully present and I

will literally, I'll do it in my therapy

:

00:55:54,276 --> 00:55:59,096

chair, I will Just take some deep breaths

and I'll press my feet into the ground

:

00:55:59,096 --> 00:56:03,396

and here I am back in the room fully

present But I'll do that with my husband.

:

00:56:03,396 --> 00:56:04,686

I'll do that with my mother.

:

00:56:04,686 --> 00:56:09,966

I'll do that with anyone And so those

two were the first things that I turned

:

00:56:09,966 --> 00:56:15,906

to Before I then go into the toolkit and

get anything and everything else out.

:

00:56:16,166 --> 00:56:18,496

It's the breath And, and then what?

:

00:56:19,766 --> 00:56:20,306

Sal Jefferies: Beautiful.

:

00:56:20,406 --> 00:56:21,686

We need the right key to open the

:

00:56:21,686 --> 00:56:21,936

door,

:

00:56:22,256 --> 00:56:22,846

Lianne Weaver: absolutely.

:

00:56:22,896 --> 00:56:25,066

And it doesn't always work the same time.

:

00:56:26,786 --> 00:56:29,096

Sal Jefferies: No, and I think this is

the important thing, but it's like, if it

:

00:56:29,146 --> 00:56:34,176

works most of the time and it's a really

simple strategy, it's remember the breath.

:

00:56:35,476 --> 00:56:35,996

Oh yeah.

:

00:56:36,776 --> 00:56:38,886

Remember, like, and what action?

:

00:56:38,886 --> 00:56:39,786

What, what have I got to do?

:

00:56:40,646 --> 00:56:41,176

Beautiful.

:

00:56:41,236 --> 00:56:42,526

Really well articulated.

:

00:56:43,016 --> 00:56:45,826

Thank you so much for sharing

your thoughts and summary

:

00:56:45,826 --> 00:56:47,506

experience around work.

:

00:56:47,976 --> 00:56:50,746

connection, the workplace, and

of course you've gone deeper into

:

00:56:50,766 --> 00:56:53,776

human connections, so I'm deeply

grateful for all that you've shared.

:

00:56:54,476 --> 00:56:57,316

Of course we shall put Leanne's

details in the show notes if you

:

00:56:57,316 --> 00:56:59,856

want to get in touch with Leanne or

myself, they'll be all in show notes.

:

00:57:00,246 --> 00:57:04,926

And until the next time, dear listener,

I hope you can remember to breathe,

:

00:57:05,166 --> 00:57:09,211

remember to ask what's next, and

perhaps to go back through the podcast

:

00:57:09,251 --> 00:57:11,811

and extract some of the key points.

:

00:57:12,031 --> 00:57:14,711

In many ways, Leanne's just taken

us through a training process.

:

00:57:15,401 --> 00:57:16,671

I'm deeply grateful for that.

:

00:57:16,891 --> 00:57:17,391

It was wonderful.

:

00:57:17,391 --> 00:57:17,541

So

:

00:57:17,541 --> 00:57:18,531

Thank you Leanne.

:

00:57:18,551 --> 00:57:19,111

Dear listener.

:

00:57:19,171 --> 00:57:19,611

See you on the

:

00:57:19,611 --> 00:57:20,161

next one.

:

00:57:20,612 --> 00:57:21,132

Lianne Weaver: Thank you.

:

00:57:21,142 --> 00:57:22,062

so much.

:

00:57:23,586 --> 00:57:25,236

Sal Jefferies: Thank you

so much for listening.

:

00:57:25,506 --> 00:57:29,076

If you enjoyed the episode,

please subscribe and if a friend

:

00:57:29,076 --> 00:57:32,166

would benefit from hearing this,

do send it on to them as well.

:

00:57:33,366 --> 00:57:36,366

If you would like to get in touch

yourself, then you can go to my website,

:

00:57:36,606 --> 00:57:45,276

which is sal jeffries.com, spelled S

A L J E F E R I E s sal jeffries.com.

:

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Hit the get in touch link and there

you can send me a direct message.

:

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If you'd like to go one step further

and learn whether coaching could help

:

00:57:52,761 --> 00:57:57,441

you overcome a challenge or a block

in your life, then do reach out and

:

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I offer a call where we can discuss

how this may be able to help you.

:

00:58:01,701 --> 00:58:03,621

Until the next time, take care.

Show artwork for Mindset, Mood & Movement

About the Podcast

Mindset, Mood & Movement
Human performance podcast for life and business
Feeling stuck, stressed and exhausted is bad for you, your health and your business. But it doesn’t have to be like this.

Sal Jefferies is a coach who helps founders overcome anxiety, build confidence and become healthy. This podcast will help you feel calm, confident and strong in life and business.

Sal has a unique coaching philosophy which integrates psychology, emotional regulation and embodied action. This podcast aims to share knowledge, skill and strategies from these 3 interwoven areas - mindset, mood & movement.

Each fortnight, Sal will be in conversation with a guest from a specialist field of human performance and behaviour. The week in between will be Sal's own shorter episode where he's goes deep into various topics - all created to give you the tools to become calm, confident & strong.


About your host

Profile picture for Sal Jefferies

Sal Jefferies

I believe in helping people become free - free of anxiety; to be authentic; to not worry of what others think of you. Free to create, to love and free to be calm, confident and strong.

I understand what it’s like to find life difficult, to deal with challenges and to feel lost; that’s why I over the last 15 years I have immersed myself in yoga, psychology and human behaviour. I have been on a journey of deep change and growth and I know at the core of most life choices is the desire for freedom and peace. I work with people who think deeply and feel deeply and looking to change, evolve and grow.

I don’t take myself too seriously and I bring a light and positive energy to my work. When I’m not coaching, I love reading and learning about anything to do with the human experience. I am also super active and movement is a big part of my life - running, swimming, strength training, doing yoga or enjoying being out with my dogs.