Episode 33
How to overcome fear
In this episode, I discusses the topic of fear and how to overcome it or deal with it in a better way.
I share a personal story of facing a gripping fear of heights while skiing in Canada, highlighting how fear can manifest as an intense physical and emotional response.
Fear is a natural biological and neurological response designed to keep us safe, but it can become problematic when it holds us back from achieving our goals or living fully. I provide some strategies for managing fear, focusing on two key approaches: controlling one's focus and breath.
Get in touch with Sal
If this episode has caught your attention and you wish to learn more, then please contact me. I offer a free 20 min call where we can discuss a challenge your facing and how I may be able to help you.
Key Learnings:
1. Fear is a natural biological response designed to keep us safe, but it can also become a hindrance if it prevents us from taking action or pursuing our desires.
2. Instead of trying to eliminate fear, it's important to understand, respect, and learn to manage it effectively.
3. Focusing on the smallest thing you can control, even something as simple as your gloves or breathing, can help regain a sense of autonomy and reduce the perceived threat.
4. Practicing controlled breathing through the nose, inhaling slowly and exhaling more slowly, can help down-regulate the sympathetic nervous system's "fight-or-flight" response and bring the body back to a calmer state.
5. By implementing these strategies, fear can be transformed into focus, allowing individuals to take small, manageable steps to move through and overcome fearful situations.
What you will learn:
1. An understanding of fear as a biological and neurological response, and its role in human survival.
2. Strategies for managing and overcoming fear, including focusing on controllable elements and practicing controlled breathing.
3. The importance of respecting fear and learning to work with it, rather than trying to eliminate it entirely.
4. How to transform the energy of fear into focused action, taking small steps to move through fearful situations.
5. The potential benefits of overcoming fear, such as increased confidence, ability to pursue goals and desires, and overall well-being.
The episode provides practical techniques and a mindset shift to help listeners better understand and manage fear, enabling them to overcome obstacles and live more fully.
Transcript
Welcome to Mindset, Mood and Movement.
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:A systemic approach to human
behaviour, performance and wellbeing.
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:Sal Jeffries: Hello and welcome
to today's episode with me, Sal.
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:Now fear is a big one.
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:My gosh, it comes up all the time.
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:It comes up for me.
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:It comes up in my coaching
practice and fear.
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:You know it.
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:I know it.
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:It's a human condition.
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:and fear can be a big problem if
it's keeping you stuck or keep
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:you from getting the things.
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:And I want to speak about fear because
there's a lot of, let's say perhaps
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:ideas that if we just overcome fear
or if we didn't have fear, we could.
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:do good things, we could be
successful, we could be happy,
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:fulfilled and so on and so on.
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:And I find this a dangerous assumption
because it assumes that fear is a problem.
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:And it isn't.
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:It can cause problems,
but fear is a response.
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:Let's be clear on that.
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:It's a biological neurological
response of the human system.
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:And of course, all living
creatures have it too.
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:So those of you who listen to my podcast
regularly, you'll know, if you're new.
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:I love to figure stuff out.
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:I like to know things.
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:Now we can't know everything, but the
more we understand something, the less
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:ambiguity, the more we can be with
it, understand it and make it our own.
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:So my intention for this
episode is to help you make an
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:understanding of fear really.
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:rather than trying to get rid of it,
rather than trying to, be courageous
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:or whatever you believe might be.
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:Now I want to take you back to a
little episode when fear, and I mean,
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:literally got me by the everything.
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:had the fortune, I was away skiing and I
was in Canada, a place called Lake Louise.
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:If you've ever had the fortune of
going there, it's an exquisite place,
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:and I was fairly new to skiing.
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:I haven't skied that much.
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:I learned as an adult, I'm not
that well, I'm just about okay.
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:I can do most things and been a
couple of times to different resorts.
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:So there I was, on, I think it
was about second day or third day.
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:And the person I was with, they
didn't want to do another run.
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:So I was on my own.
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:I'm like, yeah, this is great.
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:So there I am.
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:I go on the ski lift.
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:And if you've ever been skiing, you know,
that lift, the clank of the metal, the
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:glint of the snow, it's, just wonderful.
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:And of course, then the delightful
awkwardness of your skis, if you're not
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:that proficient of getting on a ski lift.
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:The mountains in Canada are big and
what I would say about the mountains
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:in Canada, they certainly made me
feel an utterly insignificant being
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:because these things are so big.
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:and I'd only skied in Europe before that.
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:and these are big mountains.
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:So there I was I'd already been
intimidated to this to some degree
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:in my first runs But I was going up
for this one more run and of course,
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:I built some confidence I've been
doing some runs and some skiing.
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:I was starting to get that evidence in
the system that I'm doing Okay, so on
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:the ski lift we're going up and the snow
is exquisite It's just like being washed
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:in brightness and the air is Ice clear.
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:It's like you're drinking just purity.
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:It's magic.
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:And I'm going up and I'm thinking,
Oh, I seem to be the only one on here.
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:this is kind of unusual, but okay.
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:I'm good.
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:I'm skiing.
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:I'm cool.
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:I've got this and then going up and
I'm passing the pine trees and the
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:flurries of snow around and we're
getting higher and higher and the
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:sound of the metal kind of clinking
in the wind a little bit as we go up.
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:And then we keep going up.
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:Now, what I haven't told you, dear
listener, is that I have a massive fear of
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:heights, which I probably should have just
reminded myself before even endeavouring
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:this last run, which I hadn't done.
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:I had a bit on this lift.
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:I was like, yeah, yeah, it'll be
fine . It'll It wasn't fine at all.
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:It was a, it was terrifying.
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:And I'm going up on this ski
lift and it starts to dawn on
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:me just how things are going on.
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:My peripheral vision is seeing
the vastness and it gets worse.
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:We're going over a big crevasse
and it's a long way down and
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:the ski lift grinds to a halt.
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:And I'm like, oh, and I'm swinging,
literally swaying, swinging
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:in the wind and it's not fun.
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:And the cold now feels
really, really cold.
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:The wind feels like it's trying to push
me off and within a few moments my mind
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:is going into, you know, a freefall.
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:What am I going to do?
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:How am I going to get off it?
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:I'm trapped and those cascade of thoughts.
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:I could feel my heart pulsing
and that was so cold as well.
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:I felt I was getting colder.
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:There wasn't heat, it was like a
coldness and colder and colder and
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:I could feel as my mouth was drying
and the wind feels like it's picking
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:up And of course, it just feels
like I'm there for such a long time.
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:I'm looking down and
I'm starting to panic.
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:I'm starting to really, really
panic about what am I going to do?
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:Do I have to jump off this thing?
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:I'll die.
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:And I'm going on and on in my mind.
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:And what I found was there were
two particular things that changed.
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:Everything in this, what was about to
be a free fall, terrible situation.
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:And if you've ever had vertigo,
I don't know what it is about
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:heights, but there's this weird
feeling like you just want to jump.
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:I don't know what that's about,
I'm not a specialist in it, but,
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:you know, the feeling like, I'm
just going to jump off this thing.
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:I think it's probably to escape
the feeling, but there I was.
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:like, okay, do this.
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:So the first thing I did
was I brought my focus.
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:Rather than all of the information
of what was a beautiful scene
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:became this intimidation of Doom.
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:I brought my focus to
my hands and my gloves.
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:I was staring at my gloves.
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:I was looking at my gloves.
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:I brought my focus so small into
something which is connected
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:to me and that I could control.
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:And I'm looking at my gloves.
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:I'm gently moving my fingers and I'm
looking at this tiny little space.
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:I've made this visual bubble protection.
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:So I've let the whole terrifying scene
or what would appear to be terrifying,
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:just disappear out of my vision.
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:And I got my vision on something I
can control and it's micro small.
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:And it's mine.
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:And then I started to
control my breathing.
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:I'm breathing in nice and slowly.
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:I'm breathing out slowly.
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:I'm juddering as I do this cause
I'm cold, but I'm breathing in,
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:I'm breathing out and I'm just
going into this trance like state.
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:Focus on your gloves, focus on the
breath, focus on your gloves, focus on
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:the breath and I was on the edge of, you
know, an absolute panic attack of doom.
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:It's just gonna be horrible, but I
managed to curtail it and bring it back.
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:And then after a period of time,
of course, something happened.
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:I think whatever had happened with the
skele if it clicked back into action and
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:something that jarring feeling and you're
swaying and moving forward and the sound
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:of movement, the sound of clunking metal
was just like an orchestra of saviors
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:coming in as I'm going back up on earth.
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:God!
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:I'm gonna survive!
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:It's gonna be amazing!
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:And I got to the top of the ski lift
and I remember I unfolded my legs and
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:they were really creaky and got my feet
on the ground and just got back in my
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:body and I stopped at the top of that
run and and I beat it on the new one.
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:I was smart enough to know don't go
do anything until you like steady.
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:And then you can ski and try and
relax and bring yourself down.
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:That experience just showed me
whatever, however cool you are with
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:your breath work or your mental
focus or psychology, whatever it is.
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:Something can come and get you.
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:Fear can come up because if you
feel you are at a, Tangible threat.
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:Fear can kick in.
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:It's designed to save us.
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:It's designed for that.
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:But of course most fears in our
lives are smaller, less tangible.
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:They're about looking a certain way.
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:What would happen if something goes wrong?
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:What if someone doesn't like us?
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:Etc, etc.
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:You know it.
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:We all know this.
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:And the thing around fear, if it is
allowed to be what I call like an
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:emotional wall, or emotional ceiling.
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:It keeps you stuck.
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:And of course you just get away from it.
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:It's a bit like sort of
touching an electric fence.
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:If you've ever done that, like, ow,
I'm going to get away from that.
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:What we need to do with fear is to
understand and respect its presence.
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:It is a safety system.
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:It's, you know, hardwired in the system.
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:It's been here for millennia.
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:It's in the system.
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:It's a system to keep us safe.
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:It's a system to keep us alive.
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:But what we want to do is to
keep it at the right regulation.
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:So we want to make sure that you
have some strategies and tools.
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:And my go to with this is If you are in
fear, this is what I invite you to do.
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:Find the smallest thing you can
focus on that you can control.
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:Find that smallest thing, one step,
one action, one thought, whatever that
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:is, find something you can control.
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:Like the story on the ski lift.
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:I could simply look at my gloves
rather than the scene, which
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:is causing me all the fear.
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:And that piece of control gives
you a sense of, you know, our
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:sense of autonomy is coming back.
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:So.
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:Step by step, and it doesn't
matter how small those steps are.
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:You make them and you take them.
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:Small steps equals movement
and Biologically, we want
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:to steady the system.
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:If you breathe into your nose to the lower
belly and you breathe out slower than
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:you breathe in, you will start to down
regulate what is called the sympathetic
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:nervous system, which is that amped up
fight flight response, and you'll start
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:to bring it down maybe not that much,
but enough to be steady enough to get
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:you out of what we call the lizard brain,
that fight, flight area, and you're
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:much more into your prefrontal cortex
so you can rationalize and say, okay,
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:what can I do with this thing right now?
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:So if you've got a situation in your
life, you keep bumping up against and
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:it's fear keep coming up, I invite you
to just take those two things alone.
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:Look at the smallest thing you can
control, yeah, whatever is the smallest
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:thing you can control, what smallest step
you can take and it might be like there's
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:28 small steps, great, take the first
one and then the second and just keep
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:going, whatever those small steps are and
to regulate your emotions in your body,
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:control the breath, so breath control
is absolutely fundamental, breathing
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:through the nose, the lower belly,
Breathe out slower than you're breathing.
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:And what that will do is start to get
different systems online and offline.
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:So the sympathetic nervous systems,
we've said is going to go down.
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:The parasympathetic is going to lift up.
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:You're going to be feeling a little
safer, a little more in control.
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:And I've said this before, but turning
fear into focus can be really powerful.
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:Like what do I need to do here?
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:If we can use the energy of fear
and make it focus onto steps, we
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:normally move out of That problem
experience or that problem area.
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:So if you are experiencing fear in a
certain domain of your life There's
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:a couple of strategies you can deploy
when it comes up as someone who's been
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:brought up on a lot of fear and anxiety
for the majority of my life until more
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:recent times, I know how miserable
it can be and how blocking it can be.
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:So do use the strategies if this is
a thing that's coming up for you,
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:whether it's a public talk, talking
to the boss, talking to a colleague,
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:partner, you know, standing up
doing something, whatever it is.
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:When that fear comes up, notice
those two strategies, the tiny
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:small steps I can control.
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:and my breath, I also can control.
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:And if you align those, I almost
guarantee that you will move through that
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:fear state and get something happening
far better than you've done already.
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:If you get a result, do let me know.
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:If you have questions, please reach out.
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:You can reach me on the socials where you
may have picked up the episode details and
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:of course on the different platforms and
you can reach out to me on my pod page and
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:I hope you can turn your fear into focus.
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:Until the next time, take care.
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:Outro: Thank you so much for listening.
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:If you enjoyed the
episode, please subscribe.
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:And if a friend would benefit from hearing
this, do send it on to them as well.
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:If you would like to get in touch
yourself, then you can go to my website.
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:Which is Sal Jeffries dot com,
spelt S A L J E F F E R I E S.
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:Sal Jeffries dot com.
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:Hit the get in touch link and there
you can send me a direct message.
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:If you'd like to go one step further
and learn whether coaching can help
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:you overcome a challenge or a block
in your life, then do reach out and
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:I offer a call where we can discuss
how this may be able to help you.
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:Until the next time, take care.
